in times of confusion?

Question

i am 22 and a college student. i love my parents and my ex yet no matter what i do it seems that it is not enough. i am fed up to the point of where i am breaking down into tears and losing my appetite. if it is not my parents who get on my back it is my ex and i know that he is trying to help yet i feel that too much helping has made me lose my identity as a person and the drive that i had. i mean i know that i can depend on my ex to help me yet i do not want that anymore. i feel as though i can do no right and every thing that i do on a day to day basis is a mistake and is judged by my teachers, friends, class mates and everyone who is part of my academic life. i am so sick of everyone getting on my case 24/7 about how i should break up with my then bf and now ex, how i was stupid to listen and broke up, how i am unhappy for the past 12 months and how i want to move away from the university i am attending so i can start a new life where no one knows about me.i am fed up and so:help

in the past 2 years or so i lost part of my identity: a big chunk and what is left is somewhere yet i for one want to be doing things on my own terms, to have fun and to study too and not to think of myself as a disappointment. i want to do so much with my life, have so many goals ahead of me yet i feel that my parents and siblings do not treat me as though i am 22 because i do not want to lose being goofy and crazy, therefore to them i will always be their "baby"-im the eldest. plus i am sort of going thru a really rough time since i broke up with my now ex 6 weeks to date and we have to see each other every day or so. im going thru a lot and do not know how to handle it ne more. ne ideas? besides doing yoga,pilates, talking with a friend, working out, etc.

Answer 1

You remind me a lot of myself, and what's sad for me is that I'm a 44 year old man! lol But you're young and still have your whole life in front of you. Plus this early I think if you try hard enough you can break this cycle of thinking, at least mostly anyway.

We all think about what other people think about us. Even the jerks among us probably think about it at least for a second. Those of us more sensitive and loving think about it a lot, because we want our own world to be peaceful and helpful. To me, it seems like you over worry too much about what other people think or want you to do.

I know the feeling; I'm a bit too influenced by other people at times, because I want their friendship or whatever, but it's really not healthy to depend on other people so much. In a way, your wanting to start again is sort of a healthy sign, I think, that you are about ready to try. But it's really not necessary if you take little baby steps to being more independently minded. You can be this way and yet still be friendly with other people. Good luck.

Answer 2

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. School all by itself can be quite demanding and stressful. It must be very hard for you to see your exbf on a daily basis. The best thing you can do for yourself is to be cordial to him, but go about your day. Stay focused on why you are in school and remind yourself daily that you are working towards making a good life and future for yourself. As far as your siblings and parents go, just come home and go to your room, do your homework, and be friendly and smiley. Don't bring up your ex. If they try to bring him up, say politely that you are not going to talk about it, and then remove yourself quietly (without drama) from the room. Do this consistently with everyone that insists on bringing you down, and they will soon get the message. Just tell yourself that you will keep a positive attitude and that being happy is a matter of choice. Best Wishes.

Answer 3

Wow, counselling. You are not crazy, but going through some very normal parts of growing up and becoming an adult. If you handle this well, you can be much better with all of this in a few years, or things can spiral down if you don't... I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you might be a little more co-dependent than you should be. There is no such thing as either you are or you aren't co-dependent, we all are to different degrees, and I would suggest seeing a school counselor for a while to work on this stuff. You are not crazy, but this is a normal thing that really, really, really is best to see a school counselor for.

Answer 4

Ok #1, get rid of your ex for good! He is an ex for a reason and should not be a factor in your life at all!

#2, talk to your parents. They wont know how you feel unless you lay it all out...

#3, pray, pray, pray and follow God. Give all your worries to him and he will set you free... all these battles are not yours; they are HIS and HIS alone...

#4, you are in college and have enough to worry about... dont let little things stress you... learn to walk away from some things and deal with matters that are super important...

Good luck and God Bless You...

Answer 5

Some old native American person said once " when the wind blows the blade of grass does not break, it just bends a little and lets it go by." ( or something close to that)

It sounds like you are letting things pile up on your shoulders.

Let it slide off....find somewhere you can be by yourself , doing what You want to do.
Do something for YOU for a change

Answer 6

Talk to your ex.. seems like he is still there for you. But ask him to be there either as a friend to listen not to judge. And tell your family to back-off and to let you be who you are. That is why you are an individual. Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

you need counseling.

You are not going to find help on Yahoo Answers. Surely, your university offers counseling and psychological services to students.

Answer 8

if you are unhappy that you broke up with your boyfriend...talk to him...he may feel the same way...he tends to give you emotional support and not bolt...
for the others...tell them how you are feeling they may not understand nor even know the pressure that you are under...
if nothing else helps go talk to a professional to weed out your emotions...