My husband and i have a troubled 'marriage' history with infidelity on both sides (in the past). We are dealing with our problems. After our third child was born, he had a vasectomy, so i've had no need for birth control. However, recently I have been talking about maybe going on the pill, to help with regularity & personal issues of the like. He is jealous and says i should find another way. He will feel this jealousy, regardless of how much i try to comfort him on the issue. My therapist tells me i am not necessarily responsible for his feelings and if done in good faith.....etc. How guilty should i feel and should i let that affect a personal decison about my body?
2007-03-23
11:37:27
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16 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand your husband's concerns since you have endured infidelity on both sides. He thinks it will make it easier for you to be tempted to be unfaithful and he's right.
But I also know that birth control pills helped me through menopause (a living nightmare) after our children had grown.
My husband keeps in close contact with me though throughout each day.
Maybe your best doctor could let him come in with you on your next visit and explain how birth control pills can regulate your period and make menopause easier in later life.
It all comes down to trust, doesn't it? The crux of this issue though is to explain that you don't trust him any less since his vasectomy. And he shouldn't trust you less because of birth control pills. That's fair and sensible. Good luck @8-)
2007-03-23 11:50:45
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answer #1
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answered by Dovey 7
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I dont care what your therapist says - you did the crime so you gotta do the time.
You cheated, it still hurts him and something like this might take him right back to the moment when he found out. How long have you been living with cycle issues - and how come only NOW they're a problem that needs this solution?
Since you asked, I say you can't go on the pill until he understands why you really want to use the pill. It's only going to cause fight after fight unless you do.
2007-03-23 11:45:55
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answer #2
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answered by Stan W 5
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When couples cheat and in your case both sides there will always be some lack of trust probably on both sides. Do you get jealous if he works late? The one thing that works in both your favors is you were both guilty so you have some understanding what each other went through and why it happen in the first place. Let him talk to your doctor to confirm also talk to your doctor about alternatives there are other things besides the pill.
2007-03-23 12:05:04
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answer #3
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answered by miester44 5
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Not to put you on a guilt trip, but cheat on me once shame on you, cheat on me twice shame on me!!!! I guess since you both have cheated on each other you've both decided to cautiously proceed with your marriage. I can give you all that psycho babble about trusting each other, but I can honestly say I would feel the same way your husband does. And that does not mean that any of the baggage that you've had in your marriage deserves trust again. I disagree with your therapist, I don't think either one of you should have a sense of entitlement. If you really feel that strongly about the birth control pill just leave your husband because he won't let it rest until you do.
2007-03-23 11:52:48
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answer #4
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answered by Debra 1
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well, if you have cheated on him and he has a vasectomy i could see how his suspicions could go in overdrive! you aren't responsible for how he feels but in order to have a loving, supportive marriage you do need to take his feelings into account. what other personal issues besides regularity will getting on the pill help with? i've been on the pill and (after husband's vasectomy) off the pill. i actually became a lot more regular over the years. i think you need to reassure him and maybe not do it for now.
2007-03-23 11:42:25
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answer #5
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answered by Suzanne 3
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I can see where he is coming from very clearly. If you want to save this marriage and make it work, find some other way of helping you with the problems you mentioned. When he has had a vasectomy, and then you start taking the pill, especially when you have cheated on him in the past, it SCREAMS of you wanting to cheat again....whether there is validity to it or not.
2007-03-23 11:44:33
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answer #6
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answered by olderbutwiser 7
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Your therapist is right, you have no control over his feelings. However, you might talk to you doctor about the option of different packaging of the medication. The medication is only "birth control" if that's what you intend it for. You can get the same benefits from "hormone therapy" and keep your husband from thinking you are having an affair!
2007-03-23 11:43:42
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answer #7
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answered by leahivan 2
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You might want to research before you use birth control pills to regulate your.
Birth control by its own nature is hard on your body?
It's good that he feels what he does that will keep him on the straight and narrow.
2007-03-23 11:49:24
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answer #8
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answered by bubbba2u 2
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Your husband should be in counseling with you to deal with the past.
It sounds like it's still an issue for him.
2007-03-23 11:40:45
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answer #9
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answered by daljack -a girl 7
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Tell him your doctor said this would be the best thing you could do and if he has a problem with that, get his MD license and then you will listen to him.
2007-03-23 11:40:46
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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