my best friend's boyfriend is a wreck. he is on cocaine and he drinks alot; he looks wild-eyed, he is impulsive and moody, i am a little scared of him, he doesn't wash as often as he should, he collapses and then gets up like nothing has happened. but she wont leave him- she says he is too beautiful to give up (admittedly i used to fancy him- he is stunning!) but not anymore, cos he looks awful.
she says what he is doing is 'romantically self-destructive' and 'exciting'- she almost takes pleasure in his drug problem. i am worried for him, but more for her, because he might start hitting her or something. what would you do??
2007-03-23 10:48:59 · 17 answers · asked by alice 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
She is what is called Co-dependent. She is taking part in his addiction. They are both narcissitic and will bottom out eventually. The best thing you can do is stir completely clear of these two trainwrecks...
2007-03-23 10:53:35 · answer #1 · answered by Tadow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's definitely the cocaine.
It destroys a person both mentally and physically, and explains the moody, impulsive behaviour.
I feel very sorry for your best friend, and especially for you who has to watch, but I'm afraid watch is all you can do at the moment.
It is up to your friend to realise what's going on and either try to persuade him to get help or to end the relationship.
I would strongly advise you not to get involved though, or at least not too much. You could end up losing a friend, or worse - your life.
Cocaine is a horribly powerful substance, and will destroy him sooner rather than later - the stunner could be a goner.
I know it must be very hard to stand by and watch your best friend get caught up in this, so you could try to talk to her about it. Don't push her though - you could ruin your relationship.
Best of luck, and I sincerely hope everything turns out ok!
2007-03-23 18:00:17 · answer #2 · answered by FuzzyCloud 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a few things that you should do. First, you should protect yourself from him. You aren't worried that he will hit her for nothing. Don't allow Best Friend to bring her bf anywhere near your house, place of work, or anywhere else you like to go. And make it very clear to the bf that you are not his friend but hers.
Second, keep information about domestic violence and how to recognize it on hand. If the BF does become abusive, your Best Friend probably won't admit it--at least not right away.
Three, make sure you know the number of a domestic violence hotline and the number of a shelter. That way, you will be prepared to help your friend when the time comes.
2007-03-23 17:58:36 · answer #3 · answered by e_d_ellis2004 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in your shoes... recently actually... this was my friend for 14 years.... and my advice to you is to leave her alone... at least I wish I would have done it sooner....
You have to let her go, let her live her mistakes without having you involved...
You will get hurt in the end, because she will bail on you and put him first if anything was ever to happen to her... plus he is into drugs, will become more and more selfish, eventually will steal from you and use you... will probably hurt your friend too, but there are some people who's self esteem is so low that they have to stick around someone like this...
TRUST ME, you don't need that kind of drama in your life. EVER!!!!... find some new friends...
Good Luck.
2007-03-23 18:16:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
consider your 'best friend' no longer your best friend. ''romantically self-destructive'' has died long ago with the likes of Joplin, Hendrix, Morrison, Cobain and the thousands of others who are making drug dealers happy.
why are you worried? Is something happening to you personally? no. and let it stay this way. I would not do absolutely nothing and just say to her 'you are making a fool of yourself'. if he starts hitting her, that would actually be great, because she might get back to her senses. some of us learn the hard way, unfortunately. (the fact that someone is a stunner , doesn't mean, she/he can't be a total loser. rehab facilities are full of people who are considered stunning).
2007-03-23 18:06:21 · answer #5 · answered by sarah kay 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Omg thats horrid!! Well i had this problem with my friend harley... The thing tthat we did was get all the people who know about the drugs he does and make a party.. surprise him and everyone tells him how much he means to them and how he should stop... Also if he keeps doing cocaine he wont look to pretty anymore in about 10 more weeks or even days!
good luck! =]
sally
2007-03-23 17:54:33 · answer #6 · answered by Gal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay away, from him and your best friend. I know this is something that you don't want to hear, but this sounds like nothing but trouble. He will ruin his life, maybe hers, and then what, your next? No I don't think so. You sound like a honest person that worries about others and the world needs more people like you, so just stay away, no matter how much it hurts, it's better than ending up like him. Good luck.
2007-03-23 17:55:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your friend is so screwed up that she cant recognize a damaging relationship when she sees one, you can't really do anything but be supportive of her. Be protective as always, but you cant make her chuck him. You could, however, point out to her that his mood swings and blackouts could mean serious health problems for him. HE COULD DIE! which is in no way romantic. Maybe showing her your support could help her help him.
As for the hitting, if I really was that worried about a friend, I would talk to the police and see if there was anything they could do to help them both. And honestly it sounds like they both need it.
2007-03-23 18:03:54 · answer #8 · answered by Melissa P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe shes still fantasizing and blinded by the looks of him. but tell her the consequences if she cant do something to change her man. If she wants to keep him, she must do something to get rid of his drug problem. Otherwise she's gonna live her life with all the consequences being with her BF or just leave her BF if he cant change for the better.
2007-03-23 17:56:33 · answer #9 · answered by saint_peter888 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do is try to convince her that her boyfriend has a problem and he should look for help. If he does NOT want help with his problem than it would be best for your friend to leave him and look for more positive things in her life.
2007-03-23 17:54:52 · answer #10 · answered by Rosette H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋