A Grief Poem
Contentedness…
The sound is smooth as whiskey
It soothes my soul and body
To think of things that warm me:
Kisses from my baby
And sleeping while it’s stormy
A steaming cup to wake me
On an ordinary day
Turbulence…
The sky is rough and ragged
I’m wide awake and haggard
To think of what I’m learning
Listing in the darkness
And tossing while I’m turning
The love of God is burning
Through a soul that’s gone astray
Peacefulness…
The sound is smooth like honey
It calms me in the morning
And now I am emerging
Blinking in the sunlight
My heart is past the scourging
And my tired tongue is resting
There is nothing left to say, but
Blessedness…
The word is filled with bounty
It fills my heart with sweetness
To think of all He gives me
Water from a wellspring
Sustains me and forgives me
Though foolish and forgetful
I am stumbling all the way
2007-03-23 10:48:31 · 12 answers · asked by Veritas 7 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
I was rather impressed! Nice scansion, and rhyme. The only suggestions I might make would be to change "Contentedness" to the more standard "contentment" and to replace "like" with "as" in "The sound is smooth (like) as honey."
Well done!
2007-03-23 10:54:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
A very well-bred mind at par excellence.
More than excellent !
The only thing that bothers me is the title of the poem. it is not totally parallelizing with the content.
But it can be done too, to match and describe the emotion of the writer(which is you) that may have encouraged her to write such poem.
A grief poem- may actually mean the grief to describe writer's emotion contrary to what can commonly thought as which would be describing the poem itself.
You can actually break the poem down into 4, each paragraphs has complete thought by themselves.
2007-03-23 18:07:02 · answer #2 · answered by oscar c 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is so interesting that you have entitled this "A Grief Poem." It is almost like you take your reader through different stages of grief. How appropriate to end it with "Blessedness" as if in the end it all comes down to Peacefulness and ends in the Blessing of pure memories that flood back to us as we adjust to our loss. My understanding of your work is that you were in a state of contentedness when loss/ death introduced turbulence to you. After reeling from the disaster, you found yourself elevated from contentedness into a greater, wider place of peacefulness which led to the ultimate... blessedness; and that Blessedness is based on the blesser (God) and so is available to all of us even those of us who go "stumbling all the way." It can also be percieved from the point of view of the one who has died. Living life, death comes and in the dying is a momentary battle as he leaves this world, moving through the sky still fighting for life... but on entering the next life he is greeted with peace and upon settling into that place fully realizes the blessing of being in God's presence. Thank you for writing such a beautiful insightful piece. I hope your time of grief is truly resolved and you can enjoy the light of God's Blessing once again. May we look forward to more of your work? Perhaps you have a website?
2007-03-23 18:04:32 · answer #3 · answered by teaching7 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The first word threw me and seemed contrite but I read it twice and really liked it. I think Content alone would open and invite you in easily. Contentedness is just too much of a good word . Keep writing there is always room for improvement so just keep writing And I loved the ending it is so real,
2007-03-23 20:02:55 · answer #4 · answered by singscale 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From the heart, follow your heart.
A beautiful work created, which is now shared through ones turmoil and grief. Thank you
2007-03-23 21:34:03 · answer #5 · answered by Izen G 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It does not suck, it is better than others I have read on here, but it did not move me personally, though that is no reflection on your work.
I would not say it is great, but I would not say it is bad either.
Sorry, I don't feel I gave you a good answer, but I did give you an honest opinion from someone who has written allot of poetry. (not that mine is so great either, ;) )
2007-03-23 18:00:07 · answer #6 · answered by crct2004 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really like it, it's deep! The only thing is, for such a beautiful poem, i'd try to think of a more clever ending.
2007-03-23 17:53:52 · answer #7 · answered by Me 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Terrific rhythm. I agree with the previous comments about 'contentment' etc.
I didn't get 'grief' when I read your poem. I found it...comforting.
2007-03-23 18:00:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you need approval of others?...Just follow your own definitions, trust yourself...You cannot build your life on opinions of others, otherwise you will face inevitable ruins sooner or later,no matter how great poetic messages are and blame yourself ...Be able to read your own wisdom and fully sense a Beauty of it.yourself. Beauty is the Truth, and truth must be trusted.
2007-03-23 17:59:24 · answer #9 · answered by Oleg B 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It may help you feel better to express yourself but the only way to change negativity is to focus on positivity. Focusing on negativity will only bring you more of that.
2007-03-23 18:53:10 · answer #10 · answered by Answerer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋