My friend's dad just passed away this afternoon, how do I handle it?

Question

I probably won't see her for a few days. I just called and left a message saying how sorry I was and if she needed anything to just ask. But I don't know what to say when I see her next.
I know if that happened to me, I wouldn't want to talk about it right away, so how long do I wait? Should I avoid the topic for a while?

Answer 1

When my dad died, the worst thing was having my friends 'go away' - they thought I needed time or space to grieve (which I did) - but I also felt abandoned, like no one wanted to have anything to do with me... which left me feeling even more alone.

Family did this, too.

Bottom-line, people retreat because they don't know what to do or say at a time like this.

All I really wanted was to know I could lean on someone, had a shoulder to cry on when I wanted, or that a friend was nearby to make me remember the good times, think positively and celebrate my father's life. Some days I just needed to laugh. Some days I just needed to cry.

I didn't expect my friends to be mind-readers to know what I wanted everyday, but I just wanted to know they were there and that's what mattered most.

Go buy a diary/journal and give it to your friend....it's your way of quietly reaching out and letting her know you care. Tuck a note inside the gift to say - "This is a difficult time for you and I understand it, but I am your friend no matter what. Sometimes it helps to write about your feelings, but if that doesn't work, know that you can call me anytime and I will be here to listen."

This would be the most perfect scenario. This way - she KNOWS you are there for her, but also helping her to realize, she doesn't have to be 'brave' - she is allowed to have her sorrow and sadness, and it's healthy to RELEASE those feelings.....all of them, so that she can get through this process.

Be present. Call her, or drop her notes. Maybe take her away for a walk or plan to work out together .....something where she can release some healthy venting while also getting out of the house where there may be some memories she can't deal with right now.

Maybe you both can find a fun recipe and cook dinner for the rest of the family together. She will remember these kind gestures always and it will strengthen your friendship that much more and help her during this difficult time.

Answer 2

The next time you see her just give her a big hug.

Answer 3

let her talk to you about it...you dont need to bring it up yourself..When you see her give her and hug and tell her "whatever you need let me know and its done" or something to that effect. If she needs you she will let you know