My wife and I have been together for a while and have several kids together. I for some reason want sex all the time. She doesn't seem to be in the mood anymore. We must go weeks before we have sex again. Because of my growing desire to have sex with her and her not being interested, I'm starting to feel neglected. How do I tell her let's get it on more often cause it's driving me crazy without sounding like a pompous jerk?
2007-03-23 10:19:30 · 26 answers · asked by ezgoing95670 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Think about the good ol days. The way things use to be, I'm sure that you two don't keep that fire goin. The fire should be goin along time before you even get in the bedroom.
2007-03-23 11:10:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you could take the sit down and talk about it approach - maybe there's an underlying reason for her not being in the mood very often. Personally I find that if my mind is constantly worrying about stuff I'm just not in the mood at all. Ask her how she's feeling, how her day was, offer to help her out with chores, the kids whatever. Maybe even try to get a babysitter and set the mood with a candle light dinner with flowers and such. Spend some alone time with her. Pick a day during the week as your date night and keep to it, make her feel special. My bf has had similar complaints but sometimes once things get going I find myself actually in the mood it just takes a little provoking I guess. But if you expect her to want sex 'all the time' as in twice a day or whatever, you are just setting yourself up for disappointment, that's where your hand comes in handy....not to be a b*tch about it, because I do understand your frustration. Caress her, pamper her, try to help her forget about everything else and just concentrate on the two of you as man and woman. Wish I had more suggestions. Best of luck!
2007-03-23 10:27:56 · answer #2 · answered by JD 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, at my house, my hubby's always in the mood and I am not. The reasons behind this are: he may work all day, but I am on the clock 24/7. I am a stay-at-home mom to 3 kids and he takes this to mean that I am a full service maid. I cook, clean, chauffeur, help with homework, shop and am so tired after the kids finally get to bed that I could probably go MONTHS without sex. If you want her in the mood, take some of the chores off her hands and then she may not be too tired later to give you what you need.
2007-03-23 10:30:38 · answer #3 · answered by Mom23 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A common problem, I'm afraid. At least you still have desire for her.
She has her needs, which, presumably, you strive to meet. You have yours, too, and it's fair to ask that they be met as well.
As Dan Savage has said, there is no such thing as no sex and successful monogamy. Someone will get unhappy, and then the trouble starts. Guys need sex as a way of feeling loved and secure. A woman neglects this at the peril of her relationship.
You should maybe approach it as a 'we' thing: "I want us to be happier than we are. I will do what I think you need, and I need you to thnik more about my needs as well."
Having spoken with many women, it seems there is one mistake many of us guys make - being TOO willing to be fobbed off with a lame excuse. it may take some work, and you need to know when No REALLY means No, but making an effort often pays off.
One of the big casualties of marriage is 'atmosphere', which is very important for many women. It ain't the same for them, when we just roll over, tap them on the shoulder and say, "So...?"
The guy being happy-go-lucky (esp. making the woman laugh) really goes a long way toward reigniting some fires. Don't mooch around,depressed, angry or tired all the time. Shave, shower, laugh, flirt. It'll pay off.
2007-03-23 10:29:13 · answer #4 · answered by Randy J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple answer... you cannot.
You need to talk to her about what else is eating at her and help fix that problem. If it is stress, tiredness, arguing, etc. The more you push for sex the worse it is. I have lived this scenario and the last thing a woman wants is to feel obligate to have sex!
So find other things to talk about that might be contributing factors to the low sex drive, work on those. If that doesn't work, get rid of the kids for the night and get her hammered.
2007-03-23 11:47:29 · answer #5 · answered by Steffi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Common issue with us women once children arrive, and often, difficult to manage due to work and simply being tired and having too much to think about so we can't focus on this aspect of our relationship.
I suggest setting the stage, get the kids to the inlaws or friends for a night...take her out to dinner and a movie or better yet, just cook her dinner, set a nice table, and YOU get a movie she loves and sit home and enjoy...It's called: r e l a x a t i o n so you can both talk freely and be together intimately without all the distractions (if you clean house first, you get bonus points...)
Goodluck dear...been there (and thankfully, STILL very married and in love with my guy...)
Grace
2007-03-23 10:24:55 · answer #6 · answered by bunnyONE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off, your having the sex talk. So your gonna sound like a jerk. Women hate the sex talk. But.... you do need to be honest. Just sit her down one night and NICELY talk to her about it. Let her know how you feel, don't be a POMPUS *** and she will probably listen to you. Why is sex so important? What is it that makes it run your life and you feel this need to contantly have it all the time? Those are things she is gonna ask you and you better have a good answer to them.
2007-03-23 10:24:31 · answer #7 · answered by Va princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone has different sex drives, and believe it or not, it's exhausting taking care of a house and kids.. plus, if your wife recently had a child, biologically her attntion is focused on the child right now, that is nature.
meanwhile, let her know you would like to talk, you don't want to sound like you're greedy or "a jerk" as you say, but you feel neglected... and tell her you love her.
she wil never know if you don't tell her.
also, once in a while, bring her a flower or some trinket she might like? ...just to let her know you appreciate her.
all the best!
2007-03-23 10:28:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wording shows me that you might not be the best at talking about subjects like this. "let's get it on" seems a bit cheap when it comes to your wife. Why not change your approach and tell her something SHE would like to hear. Tell her that you miss her at night and ask her if she would like to join you. Set up a date night. Have the kids be with a babysitter. Take her to a nice dinner and a movie. You need to set the mood for a busy mom.
2007-03-23 10:25:39 · answer #9 · answered by 2Beagles 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can afford to do so, you might want to see about making an appointment with a counselor or therapist.
A man can have sex with a woman he has no emotional involvement with and feel okay about it. A woman is not like that at all.
You can't be mean or ignore your wife except when you want sex and expect her to joyously respond to you. If your wife has something on her mind, is upset, overworked, feels neglected or ignored by you, that will affect your sex life.
Find out what's wrong and take care of it. Treat your wife like queen all day and she will respond like Cleopatra at night.
2007-03-23 10:25:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately it's gonna sound bad no matter how u tell ur wife that u wanna get down more often. and i can tell u from experience that, that has no happy outcome. my suggestion is what worked for me. get urself some mags and movies and have a little hand to man time. it will keep the frustations at bay for a while. and hopefully by then ur old lady will be ready to get it on again. just give her time and she should come around again. women, contrary to what they say, r alot like men and they need it too!
2007-03-23 10:24:09 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋