Ive been with my husband for 11yrs married 6yrs and we have 4 children. My husband works for a pipline company so he comes home on friday and leaves sunday. The days that he is at home we fight all day for stupid reasons. For ex. if I didnt make beans, or I want to go out as a family but he wants to play his xbox. We fight for any reason and Im tired of it. I have really no income except for the money that the military is giving me for school. What should I do???
2007-03-23 10:17:01 · 17 answers · asked by lilswtbee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Suggest counseling. Tell him you're unhappy. If he's mature enough, he'll try to solve the problem with you. If he isn't, its better that you know now.
2007-03-23 10:20:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You have a serious problem...both of you are simmering about things and unable to communicate other than to argue...bad scene woman, very bad.
You need to unload the children to someone for a weekend and tell him you want to talk, seriously. If he turns a deaf ear, then I would suggest marriage counseling and if that doesn't work on a weekend morning for a couple of hours, then the "or else" alternative is about your only hope.
Let me say, however, by his not living in the home its unfair that you are rearing the children essentially by yourself, if that is how you feel - this is a bad scenario. You either need to live as a family, he needs to get another job, or you need to move closer to his work, but something's got to give here. Otherwise, your marriage is truly doomed.
Grace
2007-03-23 17:29:50 · answer #2 · answered by bunnyONE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, compromise is a good word in marriage. I know, I'm married. Sometimes, you have to bite the bullet and resist the urge to say something back to him. If an argument is beginning to start over something you deem as stupid, don't be an accessory to it. Kill the convo in a polite manner. Of course, no one wants to feel like they are getting stepped on or picked on. BUT, if you love your family, you sometimes have to "take one for the team" if it's over something stupid and live to fight ANOTHER day, when something important is at issue. My wife and I are both gamers, however, we pull ourselves away for family. If your husband is THAT involved in whatever he's playing, let him play for a bit and ask to go out after he's done. He'll eventually notice you not fighting as much and may make an effort to work with you instead of against you. You might need to also check the way you approach him on things. Guys don't like to be told what to do, especially in their own houses, so approach him differently and notice the changes in his reaction...just might work.
2007-03-23 17:26:33 · answer #3 · answered by QDigga 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously love him, you married him and 4 beautiful children together. Is it really worth giving all of that up over a rough patch?
You've gotta ask yourself, do you still love him? I bet you do, otherwise you still wouldn't be here. And I'm sure you've had fights before, and you've worked them out.
Try not to give up on him, but sit him down, remind him that you love him, and tell him that when you married him, you promised to always be there for him, etc. And that you think there are things to work out. You both need to talk about what's frustrating you, and try your best to resolve it. Because, unfortunately, therapy may be hard since he's not home during the week. But I would try to find someone who will take you on Saturday!
Good luck!
2007-03-23 17:23:04 · answer #4 · answered by Miranda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is going on here is no one wants to give in, and that is what marriage is all about. You need to slacken up on him, and give him some space, on the weekends, that is his only time home. You need to put in more of an effort, and make him feel glade to be home. And once I think he sees that you are trying to do what makes him happy, then he will do some of the things you want. You may have to be the bigger person here. Try this weekend, to be sweet, and make all of his favorite foods, and see what he wants to do. You need to learn to relax. and then I think you will be happy also!
2007-03-23 17:27:32 · answer #5 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fighting is enough when neither one of you look forward to coming home. Fighting is enough when neither one of you look forward to seeing each other anymore and find things to fill your time together even though your not together. You can only mentally beat yourself up to a point then it starts affecting who you are as a person. If you really love your husband and he you, talk to him. If it's there, he'll talk back with you. If it isn't, you'll fight again and really have your answer.
2007-03-23 17:23:44 · answer #6 · answered by ezgoing95670 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when i grew up, my father worked the same type of days as your husband.
there was stress in our home because of it...he screamed and yelled and ranted and raved while home... EVERYONE was miserable, not just my parents.
after years and years of living like this, it can cause two people to grow APART.... you may have absolutely nothing in common anymore?
my father also ignored us all when he was home... as if we didn't exist. he was lost in the television, out golfing with friends or playing card games by himself.
this was no kind of life.
TALK with your husband. ask him if he will sit down with you and discuss this. you obviously have problems you are avoiding. you dont' have to argue, but try to find some solution.
i dont' know what else to say. good luck.
2007-03-23 17:22:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should find a job and leave him. Try to get support from your family and friends. Or you can try counseling, but from what I see he doesn't have time for you or he doesn't want to go anywhere but stay home and play Xbox.
2007-03-23 17:25:50 · answer #8 · answered by latina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a job that is enough to support you and your children without the help of anyone and then you know no matter what happens you will be okay. You and hubby need to sit and decide if the marriage is worth saving and no matter what you 2 decide you still need to get the job. When your self-sufficient you will NEVER be trapped in a situation.
2007-03-23 17:21:56 · answer #9 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are between a crack and a hard place ,and your life is
made miserable by it.You don,t have to many choice,s.1, Leave and seek financial help.2. stay,and probably be killed are you will kill him.Continue fighting tend to eventually
get out of control and some ends up gettig hurt,probably it
will be you and the kid,s.
2007-03-23 17:38:02 · answer #10 · answered by GARY R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is nothing you alone can fix. He has to want to fix this as well. Gone as much as he is, he might want to consider bringing his xbox with him to work to play on his downtime, so when he is home it can be a family time, or perhaps he needs to grow up or, even further consider asking him what he wants in life and if he is happy with what he has.
2007-03-23 17:23:09 · answer #11 · answered by Kevin P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋