I've been in a seriouse relationship with this man for only a little over a year. Honesty is a major factor to him and I feel I can trust him. However, lately a rumor has spread that he has slept with variouse women, of which I immediately discreditted. However, he has informed me that the problem has spread but he won't tell me what's wrong, stating that he doesn't want to tell me til the issue is resolved. I'm the first to know anything and everything and now I'm being left out of something that I think I have a right to know. Although he states he will eventually tell me, what is so wrong that he can't tell me now which makes me wonder what's the big problem. Should I be patient and wait? Am I being insecure? What is the problem?
2007-03-23 09:39:34 · 18 answers · asked by catch22 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Set a deadline. Give him two weeks. (That sounds reasonable to me.) Durring that time, be patient, don't push, don't ask, let him deal with it. Once it's over, he comes clean.
The number of possible things that could be going on is limitless. It could just be that his boss found out about the rumors and he's got to square things at work. Or it could be that an ex-girlfriend of his is trying to blackmail him by saying that she has slept with him while you and he are together. Or it could be that he's actually cheating on you.
If he's innocent, then he deserves time to figure it all out and fix it before he causes you problems. If he's not innocent, then at the end of the deadline you and he can figure out what it means.
2007-03-23 10:49:38 · answer #1 · answered by Sean J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what he did in his path shouldnt make a difference, we learn from are past, now if he slept with these women while seeing you, then id say he isnt serous enough for the relationship to work. if it is the latter part of answer well im sorry it would sound like he wait til you get married to spring this on you, i hope it isnt that, and remember that if thats what it is, wish him happyness an such but u cant stay in a relationship that has gone bad before being good!
2007-03-23 09:48:14 · answer #2 · answered by close_my_eyes2002 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd let him know that if he wants honesty from you, then he needs to give it, and that you don't want to be the last one to know when you're the one in a serious relationship with him. If he's not telling you right away, there may be something he doesn't want you to know, and that's not right at all. What's he waiting for? Someone to run a pregnancy test? Come on! He needs to spill it now!
2007-03-23 09:45:00 · answer #3 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he doesn't want to include you in the resolution of whatever the problem is, perhaps out of guilt for being unfaithful, or leading someone on, or because he prefers to deal with issues of this kind privately. I would let him know that his decision to leave you out of what is going on is making you insecure. I would tell him that he can trust you and that you need to be able to share issues that come up. And, if he still chooses not to, then respect his decision and see what happens.
2007-03-23 09:44:40 · answer #4 · answered by JennyP 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm not even going to read further than the first line in your paragraph to let you know if you have a sixth sence [feeling] going on- roll with it. I have been sincere in 13 relationships and felt something in each of them. I was correct and ended up very crushed in all. This last time marrying a guy i put off for 11yrs. having a small feeling. I was ever so correct on that[God given] inspiration. If you are feeling uneasy, God is trying to tell you something. I will pray for you. you pray too.,
2007-03-23 14:03:12 · answer #5 · answered by myneighneigh 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The only thing u do is 1st u need to pray that God guide u for that situation and dont get involve and have a relationship to any man,and u must wait because there's a lot of crazy men & women,and dont get and advise to those people without God words ok,because they give and advise that ur the one who gonna suffer,dont go to the unGodly person ok.
2007-03-24 01:01:53 · answer #6 · answered by jesse g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is a complicated maze of obstacles that challenge each and every day leaving one wondering if it is even worth it. The fact is that not all of us are made to be in a relationship. Too, upon careful examination of thousands of relationships, even though no one wants to admit it, being in a relationship is [unusually] born out of one form of desperation or another. I know that is true even for myself: being in a relationship meant "acceptance;" by family, friends and even professional associates. Now that I have chosen not to be in a relationship and couldn't be more content, I find that I am an anomaly and consequently people fear that there is something terribly wrong and that I must be terribly unhappy because I am not in a relationship. Yet I am not the one having dinner with friends and complaining about how exasperated I am with my partner over something. The fact is that I have never been happier and I can't say I have had a bad day since I chose to be single. The truth is that if you carefully examine your relationship with another, there is an underlying "need" that compelled you to be in that relationship. What people fail to do and what leads to the demise of every relationship is — once that "need" is met, are we any happier or are we eventually left with just another "craving?" For years now people have turned to me for advice. As a result of my web site (wplaca.com) and my work as a "medical case manager for high profile cases (clients)," apart from helping people survive life threatening illnesses, I am equally inundated with people seeking my advice about their relationship. Since I am witnessing an increasing similarity in the questions I am being asked by gay and straight couples, I decided that I would create a forum that eventually may help others to cope with the undercurrents that are compelling their unhappiness. Thus, feel free to write to me and I will try to review each letter and respond as honestly as possible. Too, if you see a letter posted and have additional input, write to me and I will — as is appropriate — try to include your comments as well. Thank you. (Yahoo Group: lovesucksandthensome)
2007-03-23 09:45:42 · answer #7 · answered by worldphilanthropistla 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My wife is an extension of myself if there is a problem, huge or small/usually, she will help me with it. If I feel the need to leave her out of the situation its due to a mistake on my part that I feel would only hurt her if she found out - so he could indeed be trying to protect your feelings or ?? depends really on the person. LUCK
2007-03-23 10:05:43 · answer #8 · answered by S.O.S. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he can't tell you what's up and be honest, separate. He can't be trustworthy AND hiding something at the same time. He's hiding it for a reason.
Put your foot down and back off. If you mean something to him, he will tell you sooner rather than later. If it's not something that will hurt you, why isn't he asking YOU for advice?
2007-03-23 09:55:40 · answer #9 · answered by barbramaq 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like your man is hiding something from you. Confront him right away tell him no secrets or it's over that should get him to talk.
2007-03-23 10:09:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋