Am I being selfish with my husband? Please Help me!?

Question

About 1 year ago my husband bought a brand new Nissan Maxima and he went from paying $200 a month to twice the amount $575. I have a 2002 Honda Civic which i paid off and dont owe any money on it. Now my husband is really stressed with his payments because he barely makes $950 every two weeks and now he came to realize that he is living from paycheck to paycheck. well I am really happy because I dont have to pay any monthly payments on my car and the only solution my husband found to his misery was about trading in both of our cars so my car will end up paying for $7000 of his negative equity and both have a fresh start with a new car for each one. I really dont want to trade in my car because I feel that this deal is not making me win anything but lose because right now I am not paying anything for my car because its mine but if I trade it in I will be giving $7000 to my husband which I think He doesnt deserve.

The only reason I talk about what is mine is mine and what is his is his is becuse he has established that kind of relationship with me. He even tell me that I cant use his computer because Its his. He doesnt even allow me to know what he has on his bank account. He knows everything I own and I am not afraid of him knowing what I have but whenevr it comes about money he just thinks about him and not me. The same thing goes for taxes, he wants us to file together this year because he owes money and usually we always file separate because we dont have any kids we are both 23 years old and now because I am going to get more money back from the irs than him he wants me to file with him so I can help him pay what he owes and the he blames me because he owes money; we both have different jobs.

Answer 1

Whether it is paid by you or your husband, is it not same thing. Otherwise what is the meaning of marriage and family. I think you have got the answer.

Answer 2

I think it would be silly to do his suggestion. You like your car, it runs well and you are not having many problems with it so why sell it, you have no payments on it. Even if you sell both cars and buy two new cars, even if they are low priced, you will probably end up paying the same amount combined.

Your husband made a mistake and he should think about things more clearly because he doesn't want to pull both of you into another mistake.

Here are some options:

-He can suck it up and keep making the payments, afterall, he did choose this car on his own.
-He can sell his car and car pool with you and his co workers and use the bus until he pays off the extra 7 grand he owes
-He can sell his car and buy a 500 dollar junk to get him around while he pays off the 7 grand.

I really suggest that you hang on to your car. Asking you to sell your car and take on a new payment is a little selfish. Maybe together the two of you can figure out a way to pay his car off together or if you have a bit in the savings to pay it down a bit and get it refinanced so he can have a lower monthly payment.

EDITED TO SAY:

After reading the second things you wrote I would suggest you dont give him a dime, he obviously doesnt know what a relationship is about, what a jerk. Tell him to come clean with all his financials and the computer or you will not be a partnership. It sounds like the only person making an effort in tryin to make it a partnership is you

As for his computer I wouldnt doubt he is doing things on there that you should not see, either looking at nasty porn or chating to other girls.

It seems like it is convient for his to be his and yours to be yours when he has money, but when he is in need yours is his and his is his. What are his spending habits like? Is he buying things he does not need? Does he spend money on silly toys and bigger tvs? I am sure he could curb his spending a bit.

This guy needs a serious reality check.

DONT TRADE YOU CAR GIRL! :D

Answer 3

First off I would have to say that buying the Nissan should have been both of your decision, because your married. Since it wasn't, selfish on his part. Your both going to have to come to an agreement. That's what people do when their married. Personally, I think things work better when the money and the debt is combined. It doesn't always sound like the best thing, but it is easier to manage and pay that way. You share the good (money left over) and the bads (having to help the other pay their share). If it was bought while your married then your both responsible. Look into maybe refinancing it, to get lower payments would be where I would start. If that doesn't help enough then help him out. It sounds to me that your being a little selfish (personal opinon). It's all "I and me" this and that. Your married! If he ends up upside down in it and ruins his credit it's not helping either of you. Which would be better for the long run? And remember that you helped him out of this so he'll owe you and you might be able to use that to your advantage! :D

Answer 4

I'm a little confuse with your post.

Did you guys discuss the purchasing of the car before he went off an bought it.

To me at least it doesn't make sense to trade in a car when you don't owe any money and would obviously had to end up with a car payment.

He should be the one trading his car for one that is more affordable, but it seems that he is not very savvy with money, you should be handling the transaction. Is really hard when your partner who is contributing a lot less to the financial pot goes out an makes stupid financial decisions.

If at the end you guys can find another way to lower his payment. I'm just assuming this, from your post it seems that you guys don't share money, you should help him out with the payment.

Answer 5

As a married couple, yall should have CLEARLY talked about him getting that Maxima and how it would affect yall's budget. It's obvious the note is putting a strain on yall's budget.

You should not trade your car in, since it's only 5 years old and in good condition. That's your car; he has no control over that. HE should trade that car in and get something cheaper.

You two need to do a better job of managing yall's money TOGETHER. This "what's mine is mine, what's his is his" talk is only gonna get yall in trouble financially down the road and may mess up your marriage. You two cannot live like that.

Answer 6

Let your husband work out this debt he created on his own, he has no right to expect you to get you back into making payments for another car. He can either sell his car and let someone assume the existing loan, or trade it in for a cheaper car. Next time he should think twice before making a decision on financing something he cannot afford.

Answer 7

Sounds like you are smart with money and he's poor with money. He clearly bought a car he couldn't afford and didn't look into it. He could probably get away with trading his car in for a cheap car and pay off his debt. I think you should look into the matter instead of him. You seem to be a little more head strong in the matter. But I don't think it's fair for you to have to trade in your car. But you are married and what his is yours and vice versa so you may have to. Next time, go through the figures with him when he wants to make a large purchase.

Answer 8

You and he have a lot worse problem then cars and payments. Marriage isnt suppose to be about his and her, yours and mine. You have become one. You both might want to think on that for a moment.

Now, each of you has a responsibility to be logical, reasonable and to follow the path that will be the best for the family or marriage in your case. What is the smartest thing to do in the long run?

Stop with the mine and his. Stop worrying about what each of you want. You both have a responsibility to each other and the promises you made one another. You both are to learn to work through stuff, do what you commited to doing in general, honor your words to include to your creditors. Lastly, if you guys have money trouble, then it would be smart for both of you to learn to save and live below your means. At least that way, later on you wont be in debt and having to worry or work extra jobs.

Answer 9

No way. Do not trade in your car, do not file jointly, do not pass go and collect $200. He is irresponsible and the only one that will profit from this is him. You are being used. He needs to fix this some other kind of way. When the IRS and repo man comes let them come for your hubby...not you. From what I am reading...I bet once your hubby "finishes" in the bedroom he goes to sleep...whether you are done or not. This is not a good situation.

Answer 10

I would say, Yes, you are being selfish.

Money is not everything in marriage and being materialistic about an inanimate object like a car should not stand in the way of you two having a meaningful relationship.

He has learned a lesson. You helped. Money will come later but you love him and that's what matters. You were there once, you will be there again... that is... to be free and clear of debt.

If he continues to get into this boyish way then you can tell him to correct his way and help him mend.

He is your life partner. Not some stranger off the road.

You are life partners, team members, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.................get it?

Answer 11

When you are married you are a team. You need to tell him how you feel and if you don't want to trade in your car don't you can still work together to find a way to make it work....and tell him in the future you need to sit down together and look at the big picture before you make and decisions.