She uses the kids to justify her controlling behavior. She also uses the kids to gain information about what goes on in our house and what's happening within our relationship. What's the best way to deal with someone like this and still keep a healthy environment for the kids?
2007-03-23 09:05:17 · 5 answers · asked by Kaybee 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Does she have visitation? What is she doing with this information? Is she yelling at you? Your man? Just spreading gossip and rumors? Personally, I would ignore the fact that she exists. If she talks to you, don't acknowledge her. Leave the room. Don't yell at her or anything, just act like you don't give a care.
2007-03-23 09:13:37 · answer #1 · answered by gilgamesh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore her, Ignore her, Ignore her
Try to limit your contact with her at all costs. If she calls immediately give the phone to your BF, the kids or tell her no one is there right now, better yet have an unspoken rule that if her # is on the id you aren't answering. She wants an opportunity to make you look bad, she wants information to make you look bad, she wants to make you look bad period. Don't give her any ammunition by engaging with her in anything less than a cordial manner. Always be super sweet, always say hello and smile even if she's being nasty when you are picking up/dropping off the kids. The kids will see who the sane one is and so will your BF. Practice phrases like "I'm sorry you feel that way", "That wasn't my intention at all" and "We'll have to agree to disagree". Anytime you let her reel you in she's won.
Resist the urge to do the same things to her, don't question the kids or spy on her. Let the kids know in words and actions that your house is a safe place they won't have to be dragged into the middle of things while they are with the two of you. Understand the kids will take her side from time to time even if they do get what's going on (she'll always be their mom). Also don't fault them for telling her things, they may be frightened of her or think they are somehow helping her.
Last thing if your BF can't stand up to her and doesn't at least call her out on her behaviors you may have a problem.
2007-03-23 09:21:53 · answer #2 · answered by stargirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The kids are a really sensitive aspect. First, you must be sure that your boyfriend is also annoyed by his ex butting in your life. There are some men who like their ex involved in their lives. You don't want to be the bad one here. Once you are absolutely certain that your boyfriend has got your back, then, first you talk to her, both of you, not just you. You talk to her calmly yet strictly and explain to her how petty and ridiculous is the fact that she uses her own kids to inspect your lives. You explain to her (and let your boyfriend do mast of the talking) that even though she will always be this huge part of her kid's life, and this way your boyfriend's life too, she has absolutely no right trying to interfere with your lives and control you. Finally, you must protect the kids. A mother who uses her children for such reasons, a mother who uses her kids at all is certainly not a good one. Still, my advice is that you deal with her calmly and by having your boyfriend by your side every step of the way.
2007-03-23 09:38:39 · answer #3 · answered by kath 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, she should not be allowed to regulate your better half and childrens and you're able to desire to make that sparkling on your husband first and top-rated. And if your husband won't "get entangled" you will desire to pass to her and confront her with what your experience are your themes approximately what she does. Ask her to justify why she feels she will call the photos on your place. possibly it incredibly is ultimate which you cope together with her directly on. She'll get the message that a minimum of you're no longer intimidated by ability of her. She would think of she has one up on her ex-husband. as quickly as she is familiar with you will no longer tolerate it she would backtrack. good success.
2016-10-01 09:27:48 · answer #4 · answered by barksdale 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let him deal with his ex-wife, you need to look out for the kids and give support. be as clear and honest and fair as possible. lead with honesty. your job isn't to fix her problems just talk in a logical honest way and she how she responds.
2007-03-23 09:13:41 · answer #5 · answered by lifeoutsidethecircle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋