Marital Separation - When he "needs space"?

Question

I have been married 5 years, with my husband for 8. Until last year, we had a great relationship. However, I had skin cancer with surgery, a back injury with surgery and 4 weeks of bedrest. I went into depression and was very cruel to him, calling him names and accusing him of things. It was ugly. I am doing much better now on medication and healthy. He just informed me that he wants to move out for a while to get space to think. He says he loves me, he doesn't have anyone on the side or want anyone. He is staying with his sister now, but every time he comes over he tries to have sex with me. It is a big head trip. Any advice? And don't bother saying he's cheating because he is a snow plow driver and was out on the road for part of January and the entire month of February and when he wasn't there he was at home asleep.

Answer 1

Most of the time when a man says he needs space, it's just a way of breaking up.

In this case it could be, he doesn't want to be verbaly abused by you. You say that you are better now but how long has that been? It may not have been long enough for him. Maybe he wants to give you space to realize how bad you've hurt him.

Everytime he comes over he tries to have sex with you? Either that is how he's trying to be intamit or he's horny and knows you are available.

1) You need to apologize to how you treated him. Not just "Sorry", but sorry I did this and sorry I did that. The more specific about what you are sorry for, the more it will mean. You may have to do this more than once.
2) You need to look at why you did this to him. Is there a reason that you are mad at him? Be truthful with yourself.
3) You cannot continue verbally abusing him.

There are excuses why things happen and then there is taking responsibility for them, no matter what the excuse is.

Good luck.

A~

Answer 2

I saw this question and inspiration you were talking about my existence. My husband did many matters that were not good (abuse & more) and we've got been separated over 2 years. He has expressed remorse and acted the equal means you are...I have predicament believing him. Seeing that there were so many lies from his mouth, i can't trust him yet. The extra he contacts me & begs, the extra pressure I believe and the extra i don't wish to see or hear from him. I want time to suppose like i will be able to trust again. This is any person I believed would never harm/damage me and now my entire world is torn apart. Commonly, i will spend an hour with him and all is k; other instances i do not need to hear from him. He will do matters that set off recollections that damage. I cannot put myself out there to be damage anymore. So, in a nutshell, your husband is staying again and protecting himself from being damage once more. My advice to you is time...That is what i've wanted. We're in remedy and are slowly working by way of some matters and hope to be in a position to work as a pair for many years to return. It is not convenient to be taught to trust and admire again after being harm so bad. I am hoping this helps you fully grasp his point of view and that i wish you the quality in the future.

Answer 3

The fact that he's showing up for sex, and only sex, speaks to the truth that he is not seeing someone else. But you are being used. He's looking for a way to start a new life but just doesn't want to give up what he has until he finds what he wants.

He's a monkey. He won't let go of one banana until he has a firm grip on the next one. Let him hold his own banana for a while.

Congratulations of beating that cancer. This obviously took a lot out of you. Take a breather yourself, you have had a life altering experience. Find out if being married is still what you really want, or if it is just your need to feel normal again that makes you want to make this work.


good luck and, leave the guy alone. Really alone. As in, you are now single.

Answer 4

I won't say that he's cheating although he has the opportunity to do so. I would be so naive if I were you.

Secondly. You did have a major illness that cause you to change emotionally . He may be struggling with how to deal with you. You say that you are doing better now that you are on meds, well what will happen should you decide to stop taking the meds? Will you go back to being that cruel person again?

I will say this, You both need to work this out in counseling.
I would also stop having sex with him until you can figure out what's going on.

Answer 5

Your husband is reacting from the hurt caused by you being cruel to him. Even so, he should come to understand that this was during a difficult time you were going through, instead he has decided to move out for space. I do not blame you for not being willing to provide sexual pleasures for him if he is not in the marriage. You need to let him know that you have accepted his decision for space but for him to expect you to have sex with him leads you to get mixed signals. Tell him, either he wants space or he doesn't, there is no middle ground. In other words, either he is in the marriage or he isn't. He cannot expect benefits from the marriage without the commitment to make it work. Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

Sounds to me like the boy needs some heat. He got to get space cause he only trusts you to abuse him. Was he abused as a kid? You need to get to the bottom of your rages. He saw them knows he was targeted, He may fear you. He may also be watching you to get sick again, it hurts to watch someone have a near death experience. Maybe he thinks younger is better, and that's debatable. He's coming home for sex, well lay a dinner on him too, show him what he's missing, fresh linen, clean bathrooms, NO STRAIGHTENING OUT HIS HEAD.yet. He lost a wife when you got sick and gained a raving hater. Reverse that. Don't prove any of his friends right. Don't give him excuse to run to another. He drives a snow plow, yeah , he needs some heat.

Answer 7

i too thought my ex would be the last man on earth to cheat, he was always home up until he left to be with her. if your doing better, and your medication is working, why should he leave? because he began some affair when u and him were having your problems. he tells u he loves u and there isn't anyone else, so he can get out of the house with the least confrontation. they usually begin the relationship when theres problems, and when the problems seem better, they still leave. so this may not be at all about u or your illness. he just hasn't made up his mind yet, and keeps u just in case it doesn't work out with her.

Answer 8

I observed this question and theory you have been speaking approximately my existence. My husband did many things that weren't solid (abuse & extra) and we've been separated over 2 years. He has expressed be apologetic approximately and acted the comparable way you're...I easily have hardship believing him. on account that there have been various lies from his mouth, i won't be able to have confidence him yet. The extra he contacts me & begs, the extra tension i think and the extra i don't prefer to work out or hear from him. i prefer time to sense like i will have confidence back. that's somebody i assumed might under no circumstances injury/harm me and now my entire international is torn aside. sometimes, i will spend an hour with him and all is large; different cases i don't prefer to take heed to from him. he will do issues that set off thoughts that harm. i won't be able to placed myself obtainable to be harm anymore. So, in a nutshell, your husband is staying back and preserving himself from being harm back. My suggestion to you is time...that's what I easily have needed. we are in scientific care and are slowly working with the aid of some issues and need to be waiting to artwork as a pair for some years yet to return. that is not straightforward to income to have confidence and admire back after being harm so undesirable. i wish this facilitates you already know his point of view and that i wish you the final interior the destiny.

Answer 9

When you were sick, he saw a side of you he had never seen before, and he's not sure he wants to live with someone like that for the rest of his life. I know you're back to normal now, but the damage is already done. The only way I know to overcome it, is to sincerely apologize to him, from the bottom of your heart, if indeed you ARE sorry. If not, let the chips fall where they will.

Answer 10

Ask him to move back home and make sure you tell him that you love him and want to be with him. Let him know your not the same angry/ugly person anymore and that you need him home. If you do tell him that make sure you mean it!!