YEARS AGO...so you vaguely remember...But it was something that caused hard feelings...can you just white lie and say.."i do not remember that"...(because you feel it would cause another fight)>....i feel sometimes you have to white lie to avoid an argument or a fight and someone could get hurt by re-hashing it again...what is your take on this????...please think it through...
2007-03-23 08:30:39 · 11 answers · asked by sweet 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just be honest. Tell him/her that you only remember certain things, but not the whole issue. Tell them that you feel it's nothing that can be changed now and things have simmered down, so you'd rather not discuss it further for fear of rehashing those old feelings. Tell them that you've moved on and it's in the past where it should stay, but you're all about moving forward and concentrating on the future and living in the present. Then change the subject.
2007-03-23 08:36:42 · answer #1 · answered by sweet libra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this about cheating?
It may be in the past and where you would like to leave it but it is obviously still an issue with the person bringing it up.
You did something years ago that hurt this individual...if he/she were past it...it wouldn't be brought up now.
Passive/aggressive ~Avoiding, lying, non-communicating and disregarding the topic and someones feelings is not a nice or smart thing to do. How would you like someone to handle it that way and do that to you after they hurt you deeply?
Lack of communication, honesty and trust seem to be the issues here.
If you created it...then it is your job to fix it.
Not on your time frame...but theirs...whatever they need you to do and however long it takes to heal the pain your actions/behavior caused.
Honest and open communication is the key to any healthy successful relationship. Without honesty, communication and trust you have nothing.
You may think you are being sensitive by lying to avoid a fight but in truth you are being really selfish. You are thinking of yourself because you want to avoid a fight/argument
You are not thinking about the other person and what they need.
The only way to prevent this from coming up time, time and time again in the future is open communication and complete honesty. Lying will only make it worse and destroy trust.
Discuss it with this person...be honest...share your thoughts and feelings. If you feel it is hard for you and the person to communicate and bring up the topic without arguing and fighting I suggest you do it through counseling.
This person is still in pain and hasn't healed yet.
Trust can be broken in an instant but it sometimes can take years to heal and since the past incident if you have been deceptive at anytime in anyway at all regarding any issues that will play a big part in them getting past it.
If this is a woman: we forgive and we can learn to trust again when that person has shown they can be trustworthy...but we never forget.
You can fix the whole thing if you just simply be honest, trustworthy, sensitive, communicate and take responsibility for your actions.
Best of luck.
2007-03-23 16:07:26 · answer #2 · answered by Intelfem7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait a minute, you're name is courageous and you asked this?!
I would not lie, but ask why that person has brought it up again. I would ask why this particular incident still seems to bother them. I would tell them that you no longer feel or think the way you did back then. I'd remind them that your desire is not to hurt them, but be there for them/support them/comfort them.
Addendum: I do understand what you mean, though. You're basically tired of whoever this is bringing up the past and using it as ammo, right?
2007-03-23 15:36:24 · answer #3 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not lie! Even if you think it will start something, it's best to just get it over with. If you cannot be honest with this person, then you sould not be together. But the thing is, you never know what the person remembers ... so if you lie, you could end up screwing yourself later if you forget that you lied. I don't know if that makes sense, but just don't lie.
2007-03-23 17:14:04 · answer #4 · answered by danika1066 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sometimes deal with the exact same thing. Years ago (like, 7 years ago and more) I was a totally different person than I am today. I made a lot of mistakes, and also hurt a lot of people with my actions. It took a long time, but eventually I did see that I needed to change my ways, and I did that. I got into church and accepted the Lord as my savior, last year. So many things about me have changed, even before then. I'm not at all the same person I was when I was out doing those things that I shouldn't have been doing..
I have talked to a lot of people about the the things I've done, and I have done my best to let them see that I am a different person now, and that I truly am sorry for the way I was before. I am not at all proud of my past, but it is my past and I cannot change that.
Most people have been amazing, and have let things go. They see who I am now, and they love and accept me for me, without judging me for my past behavior. But sadly, that does not go for everyone.. Occasionally I do see, or talk to someone who is still dwelling on the past, and the things I've done so long ago. Sometimes I have people casually mention to me something I've done in my past.. as if they assume that it's just who I am. It does hurt when people still want to treat me as if I never grew up at all. It bothers me when anyone mentions my past, especially when it's someone who sees me enough now to know that it's just not who I am anymore.
I see it this way.. With the Lord's help, we can change ourselves.. and we can become different, and leave our past behind. But that doesn't mean that those who knew us then will forget about it, or even let it go. Sure, when someone really cares about you, and they know how much you've changed, they are not going to spend time throwing your past in your face. Sadly though, it will happen from time to time. My opinion is this.. if anyone can't see you for who you are now, instead of for who you used to be, then they don't sound like a very good friend.
The best advice I can give you, from my own expierences with this very same issue.. is to just let it all go. If someone brings up your past, especially if it's something you're not exactly proud of.. just kindly say to them "I've made my share of mistakes, but I am not the same person I was back then". Just be kind about it, and if you're sincere about it, I'm sure that people will get the message.
Take care!
2007-03-23 16:15:20 · answer #5 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've done that to avoid another argument .
Bring up the past isnt a good thing.I allways say just leave it in the past. Lil white lies dont hurt just dont do it to much.
2007-03-23 15:35:41 · answer #6 · answered by NickyNawlins 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My take on this, from personal experience, is I will not discuss the past. It can't be brought up in a discussion unless it happened very recently and is relevant to the current discussion.
2007-03-23 15:37:19 · answer #7 · answered by lcjforbes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's passive aggressive. You should talk about the issue until the other is fine with it...
2007-03-23 15:35:15 · answer #8 · answered by Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell them the past is the past,an leave it a long
2007-03-23 17:49:35 · answer #9 · answered by ghostwalker077 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Own up to it and face it head on.
2007-03-23 15:43:48 · answer #10 · answered by bluemist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋