My boyfriend loves me to death, he's romantic caring and very compasionate. He said his ex took him through alot, she met someone else during their marriage when they were having problems. They have two kids. They divorce 3 yrs ago since then and even when they were seperated she have dated alot of people and my boyfriend was devasted, he tried while she used him for his money. Basically he was a fool for her because he wanted his family together because his parents was divorced and he didn't want that for his kids. A year after his divorce we met and he said I was a breath of fresh air but I don't trust him and especially his ex. I know they talk on the phone about me and it seems to be alot of compare, competition etc. Why? I don't like it and I feel it is unfair. I know he got over all the pain she caused him but I dont' like it that they talk on the phone like that. They can finally have a decent conversation, Am I being paranoid?
2007-03-23 08:16:39 · 19 answers · asked by Smile 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He wants to marry me, his ex is nothing like me. I have my degrees and a professional job and I'm very attractive unlike her. They met in college and married young. I just don't trust that he acts so childish trying to show off. He said she said I had pretty hair thats how I knew they talk about me
2007-03-23 08:40:02 · update #1
Your b/f has a past. You know it, and it doesn't sound like he's trying to hide anything from you. You have to come to terms with it if you are to continue in this relationship. The fact that he is on friendly terms with his ex is not by itself a bad thing; would it have been better if the kids' parents were at each others' throats for the rest of their lives? Just because two people can't stay married to each other doesn't mean that they can't be on good terms after the divorce. I've been divorced for 6 years, and I still talk to my former spouse occasionally; we'd been through a lot together during our marriage, and we will probably always have a connection, although relationship-wise both of us have moved on long time ago (I am re-married, and he's in a long-term relationship). We don't even have any kids together - we just stay in touch. And yes, we do talk about our significant others sometimes. It happens. By itself, it doesn't mean anything.
I don't know - you might have a "gut feeling" about your b/f; perhaps he IS untrustworthy for some reason. However, him keeping in touch with his ex, especially if they have kids together, is not enough of a reason to suspect him of anything.
2007-03-23 08:37:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh-I have the EXACT same problem and I finally called him out on it and his reply to me was that he wants to get along with her for the sake of their 3 kids. I can understand and appreciate that but I don't talk to my ex-husband all the time, every day about our 2 kids and I certainly don't suck up to him like my bf seems to do to his ex. I don't know, I wish I had an answer for you but I don't think you are being paranoid. You should always listen to that little voice in the back of your head-it usually knows when something is just not quite right. Good luck to both of us eh?
By the way, he doesn't compare me to her but they sure seem to bring my name up a lot in the conversation!
2007-03-23 08:22:14 · answer #2 · answered by Olivia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there are kids involved, the ex will ALWAYS be in the picture, They have to communicate and remain civil for the sake of teh children.
If you can't handle a man with baggage and don't understand the fact that he has a past and taht he loves his children, then find a person that doesn't.
2007-03-23 08:23:29 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am an ex and my fiance has an ex. My ex and I talk frequently but not about personal issues. His ex and he do not talk - ever. She just doesn't care one way or the other about him.
My ex's girlfriend is jealous of the friendship but as long as it is non-personal, she tries to keep a grip.
If you know for a fact they discuss personal issues about you - tell him your feelings. If he does not end this type of conversation, leave him. He is not over their marriage. Perhaps not wanting her but wanting what they had.
Talking about kids is expected and encouraged - but talking about your personal life and comparison's is not respectful, or loving.
2007-03-23 08:31:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well trust is built on foundation, maybe you havent found that foundation yet, and they have kids together so they have to talk all the time but the truth will always come out and you will always find out EVERYTHING. in time you will notice the gestures and the way he cares for you, your trust will build and you won't feel this way after a while b/c you'll feel more content in his character and the directio nyour relationship is going. give your relationship time but keep your eyes open, good luck!
2007-03-23 08:26:44 · answer #5 · answered by MariPari 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound paranoid. They are communicating for the kids. If they talk about you it is because you are also a part of their kids life. How do you know that he is comparing you? I think your thoughts are running away from you. It sounds nice they are getting along. Sounds like a stable man. Don't blow it because you are insecure.
2007-03-23 08:24:27 · answer #6 · answered by jewelsthomas 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No you are not being paranoid. They should not talk about you at all.... Your bf straight up sucks!!!!! What in the world is wrong with him? Comparing you to his ex? Girl you better clear your head and kick the bucket!! I would not stand for a second if I were you. If you tell him not to, he won't do it in front of you..but he will if you are not around. Get out.......NOW
2007-03-23 08:22:59 · answer #7 · answered by Victoria78 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i will say becarefull
she will use him,when she will need money. etc
and your boyfriends still , and is trying to get back with his family.
and if ever she is willing to take him back he will leave you.
here is a solution, if you want him
get start a life as family with him, meaning marrying and kids. etc
but same problem arises if he still in love with if ex then sorry leave him
ask him straight forward, whether
1: if she will take him back, will he go away
2:- even if you guys have a family of your own.
3: if he say no then tell him to be honest and start family with you
good luck
2007-03-23 08:27:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not being paranoid. I think you should just site him down and talk to him if you really love him and wont things to work between the two of you. Tell him how you really feel he will never know unless you tell him.
2007-03-23 08:36:37 · answer #9 · answered by helpless 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no. My ex and I do not talk about who we are dating or compare each. You can expect them to talk though because they do have kids. Tell you BF how you fell because he is not going to know if you don't tell him and communication is key to any relationship!
2007-03-23 08:22:47 · answer #10 · answered by supergoober 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋