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My husband fell out of love with me and had an affair. ?Will he ever be able to fall back in love with me after this? The affairee works with him, and I know he cares for her, they have much more in common and she is beautiful

2007-03-23 07:57:39 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

36 answers

Sounds like you have no self-esteem. You need to dumb the loser and get some. Until you learn that you deserve better you'll never be happy in this relationship.

2007-03-23 08:02:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I don't think husbands actually fall out of love with their wives. Love has many stages and the longer your married , the less you seem to see and feel the original feelings of the passion of being in love. It becomes routine, sometimes. If he is still with you then, at least you can try to work things through , if that's what you want to do.
Ok ,yes if he continues to work with her , things will be more difficult for you. First I would sit down and really discuss the marriage , how he feels about you, and if trying to put the marriage back together is fruitless. If he isn't very clear on these issues, then , there is still hope of rebuilding your life and marriage. Take a trip back thru time with him and discuss all the exciting and wonderful things you've done together, and the feelings you've had and expressed in the past for each other.
The key to this whole issue is to release some of the grip from the other women ,so you can get your foot back in the door and show him what is was like and what it can be like again. But it Willl not be a easy task, and it wil be very emotional, Take it one day at a time and good luck.
If he isn't receptive to any of this, go ahead and let them be together, get a divorce and find someone who will love you like you Love them
BEST WISHES

2007-03-26 02:14:28 · answer #2 · answered by mssgtmidnight1 2 · 0 0

It sounds like you may have some self esteem issues. It almost seems as if you're giving a reason for your husband's wrong doing. How the other woman looks and what they have in common is irrelevant. How can he have more in common with her than you? You guys had to go thru a period where you met, dated, fell in love, and got married. That stuff doesn't happen over night. He's infatuated with her but he doesn't love her like he loves you, otherwise he'd leave you altogether.

Take it from someone who was a cheater, its not true that once a person cheats that they'll always cheat. People can change. Why do you think he fell out of love with you? It's very much so possible to have an affair out of boredom. It has nothing to do with love. It has nothing to do with comparison, as in, she's this/you're not that. If that's the case, she can't match you. Who was around when your husband was sick or sad or anxious? The other woman is only around to soothe an artificial need in your husband.

If your husband truly fell out of love with you, it'd be real difficult to get that love back outside of a tragedy. Unfortunately, that happens sometimes. Love fades, especially if you weren't doing what's necessary to sustain it. Your husband has a right to happiness, just as you do. If he's not happy with you, he needs to move on. Holding him with you, will make you both miserable. Where your husband is faulted is in his dishonesty. If he doesn't want to be in a marriage with you, he needs to tell you so so as not to hold your life up. Dishonesty is the worst thing to happen between a husband and wife. What you need to decide is what you want in your life? Do you want to be the homely wife who's sitting at home, waiting for her husband to come back? Or do you want to be the take her husband back type wife who put the woman on the side to shame? I've seen women who sit around waiting for their men to come back and they end up looking old, weathered, and worn; sometimes the man don't come back at all or if he does, he isn't mentally there. Sometimes, once it's gone.. it's gone. To satisfy yourself, give it one last go to reclaim your husband. Give him the works: make him remember why he married you in the first place. If you don't want to, you don't have to. But you have to look out for yourself when the other person obviously isn't. While you in a mental hospital suffering from a nervous breakdown, your ex-husband will be with his new chicky- lustfully in love.

2007-03-23 08:23:03 · answer #3 · answered by Honey 6 · 0 0

Marriage will always kill love...unfortunately. It is a nice idea to spend the rest of your lives with someone, but eventually people get tired of each other and fall out of love. That is why the divorce rate creeps higher and higher every year.

If you think you can be happy and still love him then try to make him fall in love with you all over again. Go on a romantic vacation, do something sexually spontaneous or you could always confront the homewrecker that he cheated with and tell her to stay away from your man!

Either way, good luck and I wish you the best.

2007-03-23 08:04:38 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. Luva Luva 4 · 0 0

For a marriage to work, it takes both people wanting it to work. My wife had an affair and left me after 20 years. I didn't want the divorce and tried my best to keep it from happening, but if both don't want it, it won't survive.

An affair doesn't always mean the end of a marriage and you are not less of a person or a woman for wanting to stay with him. It takes a stronger person to fight for the marriage then to bail out of it.

2007-03-23 08:01:24 · answer #5 · answered by Deus Luminarium 5 · 1 0

If he fell out of love with you and is still working with the woman he had the affair with...why do you care. YOU are important not a doormat. HE is the one that should be wondering how to make you feel loved.

Believe in yourself! Love yourself. Just like the old saying "How can you expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself first"

Good Luck!

2007-03-23 08:02:44 · answer #6 · answered by iamafly2004 2 · 1 0

Reverse the genders and that was my situation. No, it doesn't work out. I wasted a lot of time and heartache trying to do just that. In the end it accomplished nothing. Start moving on.
BTW - A woman who is willing to have an affair with another woman's husband is NOT beautiful.

2007-03-23 08:03:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

It can be done, with a lot of effort and committment on the part of BOTH of you, not just you alone. But I think it will require your husband transferring to another job; it would be so much more difficult for him to concentrate on YOU alone when he sees HER every day.
Has your husband committed to not seeing this lady anymore? (Aside from work.) Is he sorry? Has he admitted to making a mistake? There's nothing wrong with wanting to retain your marriage, even if you are the wronged partner. But he has to be of the same mind himself.
And yes, he can fall back in love with you; I know this from experience. Best of luck to you, Sweetie, and I hope everything works out for you.

2007-03-23 08:15:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

you need to ask yourself if he truly loves or loved you then why would he hurt you like this could you do it to him? i think if somone has an affair then somthing was wrong with your relationship depending on what was wrong you may or may not be able to fix it. if you try to get back together you have the new issue of trust, can you? will you ever?. if you cant then the relationship will never work trust is everything without it your left with arguments and all the mess that comes with it

2007-03-23 08:03:40 · answer #9 · answered by NICOLA G 2 · 0 0

you can do better, trust me, he will get bored of his new woman and cheat once again...and I know. 6 year marriage, 4 year old daughter, down the drain cuz my wife thought she loved a 1 night stand guy who dumped her a week later. I even tried to work things out for my daughters sake (we have been divorced 2 years now and recently she has been trying to call me just to talk, she is now bored with her 2nd affair man) You can do better. Someone will be loyal to you and love you till the day that you die. We are out there even thou we may be a rare breed.

2007-03-23 08:06:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

You can't make someone love you. No matter how hard you try or how great you are, you can not affect how or who someone is going to love.
Let him go. No amount of nurturing or care can bring the dead back to life. Accept that the relationship is dead and move on with your life. You WILL be happier if you let him go and start working on improving your life. Stop worrying so much about the marriage and start worrying about you.

2007-03-23 08:02:57 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

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