when can I stop picking her up when she cries?

Question

My daughter is 4 months right now. When I put her down she is good for a few minutes, playing with a toy. She'll then start crying I pick her up and she stops. My question is when do I start letting her cry it out so I don't spoil her and how? *Note: This is not a sleep issue! I get her to sleep fine. Its just this constant need to be held and rock all day. I want to know when is best to stop that so she is not like that (spoiled as they call it) at a older age.

Answer 1

Just do it gradually, 1 min one day, 2 min the next. 4 months is a good time to start.

Answer 2

Have you tried a sling? There are instructions on the web on making you own using 2.5 yards of fabric. By the time she is ready to crawl, she will want to be up and down anyway. This makes it easier for you to do things around the house.

My neighbor, who had multiples, found that her babies actually preferred car seats (clipped in) over laying flat. They could see better.

In other countries, children are carried until they are nearly walking. They certainly aren't spoiled. Some kids are, however, more needy than others. Heck, I can see that even with the kitten hoard we have (5 kittens, 1 is quite needy).

Answer 3

don't worry at all about "spoiling" your baby when they are this young. You can't spoil a baby under two...and you especially can't spoil them with love!

At four months, my son went through a very needy stage. He wanted to be held ALL the time...eventually I found out why! He was teething! After a couple weeks of him being so needy, two teeth appeared!

Your daughter is behaving like a normal four month old, you are doing the right thing to comfort her when she needs you!

Answer 4

First answer gets it - BIG TIME! It is not possible to spoil a child so young. When they cry, it's because they have a need, and many times that need is just human touch and comfort.

It would be worse to let them cry it out at that age, and grow to feel that no one was responding to their needs. That's a lot more emotionally damaging to child.

Some babies are always content to play alone, some need to be on your hip all the time. You have to deal with whichever kind you get.

Answer 5

Your daughter does not need to be alone when awake. My dad spent lots of time with my brother, always keeping him entertained. Today, my brother is very intelligent. My dad spent time reading to him, most of the time. My brother is very social in school and i think its because he was brought up by constant adult support. My dad bought hooked on phonics when he finally could afford it and my brother, at 9 years old, can read the newspaper. My dad says, the more time you spend with your kids, loving and caring for them, the more they will be good people tomorrow.
Don't put children in front of the television to watch cartoons, unless you want your child to have a cartoon brain. Too many people use the TV as a babysitter. You can use the TV for a limited variety of educational entertainment, but that's it. My brothers first word was "book" as he was barely lifting his belly off the bed, starring at the books on the shelf. He was only a few weeks old.
Written by Me, dad. I am raising my children with Love, because today, not many parents give a heck about their children, the work and money is more important. I want my children to be good to others, I am tired of hearing other peoples children becoming CEO's, Leaders and whatever professionals, having an appetite for an unlimited amount of money, enough to not care about others, only to care for themselves, and when they do care, it is a pittance.
In life, just because you are smart, doesnt mean that you should give all the dummies all of the hard physical work, we should all share the yoke.

Answer 6

True, you can't "spoil" a very young baby. That usually, however, refers to babies under 4 months of age. Around 4 months is when I began to teach my daughter to entertain herself. She could roll over already and sit up quite well at 4 months. I would just put a blanket on the floor and cover it with her toys. I then put her down. She would fuss, but only for a minute. I never left her line of vision and continued to talk to her soothingly. Soon, she began to enjoy her time on the floor and didn't fuss anymore.
She is now 14 months old. She is happy and healthy and doesn't need constant entertainment from me. She plays very well on her own.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

This will make you feel better:


Very young children cannot be spoiled. Some babies have greater needs than others due to their own physical condition, but all babies are very needy! Crying is their only way of communicating these needs to us. If babies didn't cry when they are hungry, or when they need their diaper to be changed, we wouldn't know what and when they need something.

As babies grow, they begin to communicate things other than physical needs. This includes the desire to be held or comforted and the desire to be stimulated. These are healthy desires! A child is spoiled only if they express a desire and someone (usually Mom or Dad, but it can be a Grandparent or other caregiver) gives them what they want each and every time.

If your child has a need, you will not spoil them by meeting that need. In fact, it is very important for you to meet their needs in order to build security, love, and trust. You will not even spoil them by giving them what they desire, unless you always give it to them, even when you don't want to. This is the hard part - it is good to give a baby what he or she wants sometimes, but not all the time.

So how do you know when to do so? A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if you are giving your baby what they want or if you are giving in to what they want. In most cases if you are giving just because you want to give, you will be doing the best thing for your baby.

Try to avoid being so stressed out by other things in your life that you never feel like giving to your baby -- or at the other extreme, finding your identity in your baby so that you always feel like giving in to them. For more insight on these extremes see related topics.

Answer 8

Well, I think it's great to start now, although sometimes it just might be she wants to be near her mommy, she needs that sense of security. My son never cried for no reason, which made us very lucky. Pick that baby up I don't think you are going to spoil her, at least pick her up until she is crawling.

Answer 9

Love your baby and convert her when she is crying. If you have to leave her and do chores put her in a place that she can see you and talk to her. You cannot spoil a baby of that age. Think of it like this. If you are crying don't you want loving arms round you.

Answer 10

I completely agree with mzindica's response. You might be thinking "she's fed/changed/and well-rested, her needs are met." The truth is, at that age, babies NEED to be held, comforted, and soothed. It is ok to let her fuss for a bit, but not cry. Science shows that babies who are held, and whose cries are answered are MORE independent than babies left to cry because they learn that it is ok to be alone; if they need someone, they will be there!

Answer 11

you can let her cry for a little while now, at this age i would start slow, but if you keep picking her up right away she will just keep crying, it's tough to do, but you can do it, just make sure you keep an eye on her and don't let the crying go for too long, and like others said you cannot spoil her right now, but i understand not knowing whether you can let her cry or not, but before you just let her go ahead and cry make sure she does not physically need anything like food or diaper change, or is in any pain