My current boyfriend of 3 years is divorced with 2 kids. His ex-wife is now remarried recently. They don't talk or exchange words, only if the really have to. I'm guessing she's still bitter. They are divorced 4 years now. She makes her new husband do the communicating and he's not very nice either. He's very cocky. Anyway, I think that the kids suffer from this and although they don't really argue in front of them I think it's obvious with the tension at the sporting events between both parties, when he drops them off or picks them up, etc. My question is, what can bring peace between them or should I say get them to be civil. He pays her a very nice sum of money every month and she was very well taken care of in the divorce but he says she is just a very evil person and has no care about others. I can't stand it cause it's all negativity and I think its bad for the kids . I pray for a civil relationship but so far, Gods not ready to give it. Is there anything that I can do.
2007-03-23 07:31:30 · 12 answers · asked by Unknown, CA 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't want them to become best friends but just to be civil. I keep far back and I believe her new husband should and he doesn't which makes it worse. I'll just keep praying and let God take over.
2007-03-23 07:41:00 · update #1
Don't fool yourself. Their relationship ,good and bad, was formed a long time ago - way before you came on the scene.
If you jump in and try to change things (even for the better)
you will get resentment on both sides. The kids might even resent you for butting in. So, quietly talk to your bf about
the effect this is having on you and his children. Be there to support him and them but do not think you can change it overnight.
I hate to add this but remember you are the outsider in all of this. You are not married. You are not the kids Mom.
Legally, you don't even fit in the quotient.
So think before you open your mouth. Patience is a virtue..practice it
2007-03-23 07:37:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is absolutely nothing you can do. If I was you I would stay out of it. Your input will only add fuel to the fire. I'm in the same boat as you, except we are married. My husband and his ex girlfriend do not get along. She does whatever she can to put him down in front of their child. It has been 9 years since the split and it hasn't gotten better. We sit at opposite ends of the field, court, or bleachers at games. She had their son call her new husband daddy, but when he started calling me mom, she flipped out. The only thing you can control is you. I never talk about his mom unless he brings her up and then I listen and comment appropriately and that's it. Try to get your boyfriend to not talk about their mother either. That's all you can do. I know it' s hard to just stand by and do nothing, but until they find some maturity, it will not change. Sorry. Unfortunately it's the kids that suffer, but hatred (of him/her) can over rule love (of the children) sometimes.
2007-03-23 14:41:02 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First of all you have to realize if they liked each other and could get along, they would probably still be married. Civility would be better for everyone involved - but that comes with time. Be patient. Your intervention could actually backfire and make things worse. Continue to be nice and fair so that your step-children will realize you are not part of the problem between their parents. Time does heal all wounds.
2007-03-23 14:46:20 · answer #3 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your boyfriend can try and go back to court and have the judge refrain the new husband (none of his business) from being involved in converstations or interactions regarding the child.
My husband had issues with his ex always telling the child about financial aspects "that is what your dads child support is suppose to be paying for". The judge put somewhat of a stop to it by ordering she refrain from discussing it with the child....ie...because it was hurting the child.
It may not work...but worth a try.
2007-03-23 14:41:28 · answer #4 · answered by iamafly2004 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
You can try talking to the ex wife about it..Explain how you feel about your guys relationship with one another...Let her know you care for making things better between all of you...Since she is the main person who gives the tension, I bet that if you two make peace then ever thing else will just fall into place..
Good luck Hun
& God Bless
2007-03-23 14:41:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
You should not get involve in this mess. Do not pressure or force them to be civil to each other for kids sake. Let them be. If you get involved and things go crazy you'll be the blame at the end. I feel bad for the kids, but there is nothing you can do but to pray for them.
2007-03-23 14:41:43 · answer #6 · answered by Victoria78 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I dont think the new husband will back off. he feels it is his place now that he is married to your mans ex. try and talk with the kids. have them tell there parents how they feel about the relationship. maybe they will listen to there children and stop acting like children themselves
2007-03-23 14:43:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think there is anything you can do to make these people act civil. I feel bad for you to have watch grown adults act so immature. If you become his new wife someday, then you can call the ex-wife and try to deal with her yourself, you may find out there is a reason whey they are so cold to each other, don't inflict the stress upon yourself.
2007-03-23 14:41:43 · answer #8 · answered by Maria A. 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
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2007-03-23 14:34:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
This is THEIR bussiness. Stay out of it.
There is enough tension as it is for you to open your mouth and voice your unwelcomed advice.
Good luck
2007-03-23 15:10:29 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋