My wife and I have been married for less than a year, been living together for almost six years. We have a five year old daughter. Our relationship has always had it's ups and downs and it seems that lack of intimacy is always the cause for our distance. Since our wedding we have maybe spent a few months of bliss but now my wife, out of the blue, has just completely pulled away. This isn't the first time and I fear it won't be the last. I've made it clear that I can't live like this anymore but she seems very adament about doing anything to figure it out. It seems like overnight we have just become strangers. This whole thing started because for the past 2 months we haven't had sex and not only that but it seems like some days she's crazy in love with me and other days, it's like she's just trying to be or making the efforts just to make me happy. I've tried everything and I'm at a complete loss...
2007-03-23 06:46:08 · 18 answers · asked by imagineus2night 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We just made a lot of improvements to our house, I bought her a new wedding band, we invested in a puppy for our daughter, we've been spending more time with each other, we've been getting along better than ever for the past several months and things were really looking up, but now I'm lucky enough if I even get a hello throughout the day. I'm sleeping on the couch and she seems to be pretty ok with that. It's like we're strangers. Is this something women go through or does my wife have some serious issues? Please help.
2007-03-23 06:47:50 · update #1
Honestly, for the past several months there has been nothing going on that would cause this. I've been working so much around the house remodeling our bathroom that she has wanted for so long, I've done things that she has been asking of me for quite some time, we've been great friends just not great lovers. Yes, we have had serious problems several years ago, but I always thought we moved past that. She did have a dream wedding, we went to Hawaii for our honeymoon. I've been the best husband I know how to be with her and she knows it. She's told me that, but she, in the end, says she doesn't know why but for some reason, she gets in these funks where she can't get close to me, then everything starts falling apart.
2007-03-23 07:02:01 · update #2
When she acts like she's "crazy in love" with you, enjoy it and take advantage of it. The rest of the time, keep being yourself and tolerate it. Don't get angry or resentful. I agree with the sentiment of what someone said earlier -- it sounds to me like she has a mood disorder of some sort.
And, GET OFF THE COUCH! Get back into YOUR bed. Sheesh. I never understood a grown man abdicating his own bed and going to sleep on a couch. A man's home is his castle. Don't put up with crap in your own home.
2007-03-23 06:56:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A trip to the doctor should come first to determine if this may be something medical. If not, it could very well be that she isn't really in love with you. It happens in some marriages. Two people can spend many years together and no matter how hard one spouse tries it just isn't there. Love is a funny thing to understand. You can actually mistake a feeling of lust as love and marry for it. Soon after, that feeling doesn't contain what is necessary to sustain a marriage, but out of a feeling of commitment the confused spouse will try to force themselves to gain that emotional connection that is missing. It comes to a point that they start to resent their mate for having sex and will look at it as more of a chore than something desirable on their part. The best thing to do is to talk to your wife and ask her not to spare your feelings here and be honest. Tell her that if she really doesn't know how she feels about you then she needs to help you figure out what to do. A good marriage is based upon both husband and wife having a genuine love for each other. Good Luck.
2007-03-23 14:28:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, this is not something that women "just go through". Something is up here. There's a reason why wife isn't interested in sex anymore - it could be a physical thing (hormones out of whack causing loss of drive etc), a psychological thing on her part (she's not feeling good about herself which translates into her not wanting sex with you, or some other depression), or there's something you're doing or not doing that's turing her off.
Talk to her and get to the bottom of it - I'm sure you're not interested on sleeping on the couch for the rest of your life....
2007-03-23 13:59:51 · answer #3 · answered by chicchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, as much as you've done and as much as you've tried to talk about things, it might be time to see a marriage counselor. Don't be confrontational about it, just explain maybe oudside input can put things into perspective etc..Also, give reasons and examples of why you think this is something you guys should do, if she's not willing etc, then it may be time to move on =( That's not something I know you may not have thought about, but there's no sense in going out of your way and doing things and banging your head against the wall if things aren't working. Best wishes!
2007-03-23 14:34:48 · answer #4 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you state I get two answers, one where it looks like she might have something medically going on, not necessarily bipolar, but maybe a bout of depression. Secondly, it seems that instead of confronting the situation, you both are just going on with everyday life, putting your problems on the back burner for now. You both need to sit down and talk about everything that is bothering you, and come up with a way to fix the important stuff.
2007-03-23 14:04:09 · answer #5 · answered by JennieD 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've gone through that with my husband a few times. Both times I was getting ready to leave and was looking to find someone else who made me happy. It's not you, it's her. Does she have low self esteem? That's a big contributor! Depression, too, although I'm not sure what comes first, the hatred of your life or the depression, but both have hit me! You can't do anything, just keep doing what you're doing, eventually she may come around, or she may not. At this point you're pretty much helpless, I'm sorry.
2007-03-23 13:58:43 · answer #6 · answered by 1978girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is a roller coaster, something must be bothering her and she just don't know how to tell you. Or maybe she is depressed and don't know why. Thats the only thing I could think of, I use to go off like that on my own but couldn't explain it. I then wanted to do something else with my life that I knew he wouldnt understand so I left with all the love in my heart for him. I knew I wouldn't be happy with him if I didn't help myself or do the things I wanted to do in my life. When I finally told him he never understood and he said I just left crushing his heart for no reason. I love him and he loves me but our relationship I knew would not last. We had other problems. Just try and be patient and chose the time wisely to ask questions and get her to talk.
2007-03-23 14:43:30 · answer #7 · answered by Smile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course she's okay with you sleeping on the couch she isn't getting any sex anyway.
We are only hearing your side of the story and not giving her a chance. You have to be doing something in order for her to be so cold towards you. As a woman we don't just do that because. Why isn't there any sex in the marriage for 2 months? I'd be sexualy fustrated about now.
2007-03-23 13:52:53 · answer #8 · answered by Valentina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like: she's having an affair, she needs medication or she just isn't "in love" with you anymore. Not trying to be mean~she may just need an anti-depressant.....maybe a psychiatrist could help or suggest marriage counseling. If she gets mad when you suggest either one of those, that means she doesn't want the help.....so that would leave me to think of the other 2 options I wrote above. You sound like such a nice guy, especially to be putting up with all of that! Good Luck!!!!
2007-03-23 13:56:01 · answer #9 · answered by noodle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She does seem like she may be depressed. It sounds like you are trying very hard, and you should be proud of yourself for that. Tell her that you love her too much to continue this way. She if she will go to counseling with you, or at least go see a doctor to determine if she is depressed.
You know she can't be totally happy if she's pulling away and barely speaking. How is she with the kids? Is it the same or is she one person with them, and a complete different person with you? That'll help you to see if it's her, or if it's your relationship. Keep fighting for what you love! And I hope it works out.
2007-03-23 13:52:52 · answer #10 · answered by nymom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋