Relationship problems?

Question

Been with my patner nearly two years now. Lived with him for a year. I have a child from a previous reletionship who is 11.
I need some advice . We used to have a really good relationship we could chat about anything and everything. The last few months all we seem to do is argue ,to be honest it's more me bringing problems up and asking him to chat about them so they don't fester . He respondes by sulking or acting like he is a child and a victim all the time. I am so fed up with his reactions . He dosent spend anytime with my daughter even to the point of she will walk in a room and he will walk out. He does find being around children hard which I have always understood .However my daughter is a young teenager and dosent need a grown man acting like a sulky little boy around her . I am trying my hardest to sort our problems out but he will not cummincate with me hence him storming to another room or sulking etc. Please advice .

Just like to add some more information as was asked by some replys. He is 33 and before we moved in togeather he was fine with my child maybe a bit shy . I have brought my daughter up for 10 years on my own so didn't move in with my partner lightly. Had some great advice and thank you very much .

His birthday is 12th of feb just a bit of info for the person who asked what his sign was .. Not sure to be honest .

Answer 1

So you have an 11 year old daughter from a failed relationship, and now you've been living with a man for the last two years (not engaged, no plans on marriage) who doesn't know how to behave in front of a child? Here's an idea.........find a place for you and your daughter to live in BY YOURSELVES and create some stability in your life! If you want to date, do it on your own time. But your child should ALWAYS come before your love life.

Answer 2

Well every relationship has to go through the period which consists of mostly - arguing. Everyone will have different personalities and yes, some don't feel comfortable around a child. At the end it depends on the effort and time you spent and your partner spent. Some couples couldn't go through this arguing process, if they could go through it, that means they could go through alot of other stuff as well. The arguing rate would usually decrease after a period of time, and when that happens, it means either one of this :

You and your partner have had enough throughout the process, and both of you would not even be bothered to argue. Relationship would eventually get worse everyday. And the reason why you two are still together - perhaps it's because of responsbility or sympathy; rather than real love.

You and your partner have talked to each other and made some commitment to avoid arguing. Relationship would eventually be improved. ( However it often is not the case.)

Therefore I recommend you should make up your mind. Try to talk to him more and discuss about this issue. You have to think about your daughter right? You want your daughter to have a good, healthy growing process right? As a result if he avoid this issues or won't give a damn about it, then it's time for you to choose between him and your daughter.

Answer 3

It's very hard to keep a relationship on an even keel where there are children; on the other hand - this guy knew you had a child before you moved in together; you and your daughter came as a package; he made the decision; it was his choice. It sounds like he may be having a change of heart. The sulking is something else; it's a type of bullying; eg. " If I stay silent I might get what I want" sort of thing. It's unacceptable for a grown man to sulk in that way, and you should put that to him. His reluctance to talk about anything is a sign of immaturity. and I wonder about his dislike of children? Why are you so understanding of this? Again, he took you on, knowing you had a child in tow. He needs to get his head sorted out. to be honest, I don't think he's making much effort here. Is that the type of man you really want to be involved with?

Answer 4

Perhaps your partner didn't realise how things would be once he moved in, and this sounds like a total "jealousy" thing against your daughter. Some people are like that, and it's not just guys either. He is the one causing the problems by the sound of it and he needs to grow up fast!. He is not setting a good example, he is not playing the part of a responsible step-parent. I think it perhaps because he may thing that you are giving your daughter more attention than you give him, and there is nothing wrong with that at all. Many people expect you to put them before your children, something which i personally detest. If this is the case, please please have a long chat with him, and make him realise your love for both of them is different, but he cannot expect you just to put your daughter on a shelf while he has you all to himself. Has he had past problems that has triggered off a huge insecurity thing?.you need to ask him, and get to the route of the problem. Hope you get this one sorted hun. Good luck.

Answer 5

This is a tough one.
I really think you need to sit your partner down and have a long chat. But approach him nicely and discuss it. Don't yell. Trust me. When my partner is not happy with something I am doing, he'll talk to me like I'm a child which makes me feel extremely annoyed and inadequate and makes me go sulky because I am so wound up. He will listen to you if you are nice. Men aren't as responsible as us women and what we think is a perfectly relevant conversation, they call it "nagging"

He should open up to you. You never know, he might be having work problems or something.
Tell him this is affecting your daughter and you want to do whats right by her because she will grow up thinking that its ok for a man to ignore and totally demean a woman.
If there is nothing wrong with him and he is just sulking, then tell him if he doesn't change, you and your daughter will leave.
You deserve so much more than to be treated like this.
Hope it all goes well for you xxx

Answer 6

I agree... being on your own is the best thing for you and your daughter. I understand that you might be lonely and want some companionship. But, putting your daughter at risk for another relationship is not good for her or you. If you become healthy.. then the relationship that you chose will be healthy too. 11 yrs old is a rough age for change... so be easy on your daughter. She needs you.. and that is the most important part. You both will make it through this. As you said, you have been raising her on your own for ten years..

It also sounds like your boyfriend is jealous of your daughter. He doesn't know who to compete with the strong bond between mother and daughter.

Good luck on your journey

Answer 7

You are a scorpio what is his sign?

How old is he? He sounds very selfish and immature.

The fact that you have a child and he told you he finds it hard to be around children... means he doesn't like children. Probably because he is an adult child and jealous of other children. He needs to grow up.

It may have seemed great in the beginning and worked for a time but you are seeing his true colors and people like that don't change.

Your daughter has to be greatly hurt by his behavior ...please do not put him before her.

Never put a man before your own child. Men will come and go and the pain and hurt he is inflicting on her could affect her for a lifetime.

Please get rid of him. He has caused enough of hurt and pain to you both and nothing is going to change staying with him.

Hope this helps and best of luck.


Edited to add: He is Aquarius

Aquarius is a fixed sign meaning they are not flexible. Do not change. He has strong dislikes (unfortunately a child in your case) and firm opinions.

He may be shy but that is no excuse for his behavior.

My ex-fiance was very shy in general but he didn't walk out of the room when my children entered.

Answer 8

Lay it on the line with him. Obviously the relationship can't continue the way it's going so something has to change.

You say you are the one that brings up issues to talk about - are these new issues that come up or versions of the same things? ie. he may be tired of you wanting to talk about things over and over again.

The being around children thing is another issue all together - if you knew that he didn't deal with kids well, why did you move in with him?? This is not fair to your daughter (whom you should have more loyalty to than the boyfriend) to have her constantly exposed to someone that doesn't want to deal with her.

I think it's time to find your own place regardless and truly decide if the bf is really someone you want in your life even if living separately.

Answer 9

Woman tend to talk issues to death. Stop this nonsense and get on with living in the present.
How can you live with a man in the presence of a preteen? What kind of morals are you teaching her.
A preteen daughter that is not related to a man and not legal bound will surely be difficult for the man. She is changing into a woman. Besides most men don't like fathering another mans child anyways. To bad they didn't bond in the last two years, since it didn't happen I don't think it will.

Answer 10

Maybe some family therapy would help if he would agree to go. I admire you effort here and so should he. Tell him if he continues to refuse to work on the relationship it will continue to decline. Remind him of a happier time and ask him what has changed from then till now. If he had a hard time with kids maybe he shouldnt have started a relationship with someone WITH a child in the first place.