He smokes, doesn't go to school. He has problems with everyone. He had a job and acted like he was boss within a week, fired within a month. Despite my wishes he went and got a tattoo. He has had problems with the law. The only road I see him taking is right into prison or 6feet under.
I have rules and 2 younger boys to think about. He does what he wants and how he wants and argues when comfronted and disciplined. Discpline. Sorry that's a joke. He just leaves. Already tried the police and they won't get involved (can't blame them). I have taken him 2 2 different counselars-they say he gets picked on because he's tall. ?
Any suggestions. Only serious suggestions please.
2007-03-23 06:25:03 · 24 answers · asked by gemini 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Looks like you missed the boat on parenting #1, so you had better step it up for #2.
As for #1, you only have to feed and shelter him for one more year. You don't have to do anything else. Let him get his own job for his own money to buy is own stuff. And if he stays after 18, charge him rent and lay down rules. If he doesn't abide, kick him out. Tough love.
My mother did it to my younger brother. He didn't have his act together so mom said "think you know it all, have it all going on? go prove it" and booted him. Boy did he get it together FAST. He claims it's one of the best things she did for him
2007-03-23 07:01:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take away his car (if he has one) so at least you won't be responsible for the damage if he wrecks it. Unfortunately, he's 17--he'll be a legal adult in a year, so there's not much you can do at this point except damage control. If he starts physically hurting the younger kids (or you), he has to go. He's old enough to know better. If counselors haven't diagnosed him with any personality disorders or mental illness (ADHD, depression, bipolar), then it's really up to him to change. Getting picked on because he's tall is not an excuse for his behavior. Honestly, I would consider some sort of strict boarding school or military school for him. He'll end up in juvenile (or worse) soon anyway if nothing changes; he needs someone to show him who's boss, someone who can force him to behave responsibly. You can't do that (and I don't blame you--a 17 year-old boy? I'd be scared to confront him). So send him to people who can. Just be sure not to feed into his behavior by giving him money or a car--until he behaves responsibly, he can't handle it.
Good luck, and you have my sympathy!
2007-03-23 06:58:12 · answer #2 · answered by kacey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does not see you as a credible source of advice, and he's getting too old for parental influence to be effective.
I would never normally recommend this, but he needs to trust and listen to SOMEONE who will stress the value of education and impulse control. There is a radio show called "The Tom Leykis Show". Again normally I wouldn't recommend it because it's a little mysogenistic, but the show's format is basically guys calling to Tom "the professor" and telling them about the mistakes they have made in their early lives and how much it's hurting them now that they're older.
He makes recommendations such as go to college, prioritize your education, stop using drugs, use a condom all the time, dont' move in with a girl until your career goals are met, etc.... He does a good job of tying education and good choices to the things that matter to young guys: Money and sex.
It's not the best most wholeseome religious advice, but your son may start to trust the guy's underlying message, which is if you don't follow the rules and get a good education and make your career your number one priority, then you will spend your life changing successful people's oil, raising other mens kids, and dealing with jerry springer type drama instead of having the good life.
He just might listen to Tom.
2007-03-23 06:33:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It may be time to pull out tough love. You have tried your best, but still have two other kids to think about. Tell him that to stay in the house, he must attend school or have a full time job. He will be expected to pay room and board if he works and will have to follow the basic rules of the house. Let him know that you will try this for a set amount of time (until he is 18 would be my suggestion) and then, if he fails to follow the rules he is out of the house. Then get a therapist for you..to give you the support you need to make and follow through whatever choice you make concerning your son.
2007-03-23 08:26:28 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Picked on because hes tall? Bull**** my fiance is 6'3" and is a nice guy.
Ok you may not like what I have to say. but I work in a middle school discipline office and I see alot of what parents SHOULD be doing.
Yes, the cops will get involved if he is not going to school, that is illegal. Unfortunately they may fine you as well. call the school and tell them he is truant and they will get the police involved.
Personally if I were you and my son were treating me like that? Kick him out.
You do not nee to be a doormat. Hes treating you this way because yuo LET him treat you this way. Put your foot down and end this now. If he thinks hes a grown man, let him be one. He can get an apartment and pay his own bills.
With NO support from you. By you continuing to let this happen, you are teaching him that he can get away with these things. Sink or swim buddy.
Tell him he has two weeks to find a place, bottom line. He will probably promise to get better, bla bla bla. But you know what? Its too late for that.
You have the wellbeing of your other sons to look after. Do you want them around someone who steals, smokes, and who knows what else?
Give your other two sons a chance at life and remove your older son from theirs.
At schools, there is a onsite police officer, they all have them.
1. Call the school and report him truant every day.
2. call the onsite school police and tell him this and his other illegal activitiess and they will cooperate and probably put him in juvie, which he needs.
3. Get him out of your house. You dont need him to have marijuana in your house and one day your house gets searched by the police and then you are ni jail for his actions.
Im sorry, it sounds rough but tough love is rally important. Good luck.
2007-03-23 06:46:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
When he leaves just let him leave. Make sure he finds a better place to live while he's at it. If he can't abide by your rules he obviously does not belong in your household. How soon till he is 18? By that point you have no reason to let him live there with you. You can only do so much to raise your kids the right way. If they refuse to live by the examples you set, they simply have to learn some things on their own. Unfortunately some learn things the hard way.
2007-03-23 07:07:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the quick version: do away with him and be confident you save your legs closed in life, from henceforth. answer: because of fact keeping your legs is a factor of the quick version answer, and there is not any way i will jot down something as long as your article. that's the quickest suggestion you may still provide to an single lady right this moment to weed out the adult adult males interior the sea of all alike who're losers and locate one which's respectable if he's obtainable (that would properly be uncertain). And at your degree, there is not any element in having intercourse in any respect, for the reason which you do no longer % to any extent further little ones to complicate the chaos and confusion, in spite of in case you're nonetheless youthful adequate to have them, which it would not sound such as you're. subsequently, there is not any valid reason on earth so which you would be able to have intercourse at this element. that's probable what led on your present day seize 22 venture interior the 1st place.
2016-10-20 07:19:03 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough love is probably your best option here, considering you
have 2 younger boys you need to set an example for.
Kick him out. I'm serious. He needs to learn responsibility for his actions one way or the other.
My parents did that with my brother when he was 17 and started acting like that.
My brother later thanked them for the wake up call. He straighened out. Joined the military. He is now a civil engineer out of the military, has his own house, is married, and has children of his own.
Good luck.
2007-03-23 06:48:33 · answer #8 · answered by txharleygirl1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
contact your juvenile court and see about having the state place him in Military school. The state pays for it..
Hard decision...but what is harder for you ..boot camp or him being dead or jail 4 life.
seems like an easy decision for me...
he might be 17 and you may not be able to put him in the state system if the state accepts him as an adult...if this is the case....
do what my parents did....hand him his bag of clothes...close the door behind him... and pray, pray, pray....
you will lose sleep over it...but you have 2 other children to raise ...and at his age, you are finished raising him...
trust me....after his money runs out,,,and his "so called friends" can't feed, clothe, and give him somewhere to place his head...he'll be back....
if he doesn't come back...so have to know that you did the best that you could...and this is not your fault...this is beyond your control now..he's grown...
military school, or pack his bag. and change the locks
my parents did it to me...and now i have a college education, a beautiful home, and thank them at least twice a year for doing it to me.
2007-03-23 10:35:17 · answer #9 · answered by bhampton225 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried a boot camp? Or do you know any of his "healthy" interests? If so you might want to try those. Any place he can channel his energy into a positive direction would be good.
Boot Camp would help break him down some. Instead of chaos he can at least sort out what is going on in his head. If he is into any "healthy" activities, then push him towards those. He will soon be 18 so you don't have much time. Whatever you do, don't put him on drugs. He will only hate you for it and when he is older you could be looking at a potential murderer.
2007-03-23 06:30:19 · answer #10 · answered by Rothwyn 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋