We are both married. we had an affair and now we are getting emotionally involved. Where to go from here?

Question

I have a daughter and he has a son. We both like each other a lot. We talked dirty, we had sex once (It was great), we flirted and we were like crazy. We both no longer have feelings for our partner, that is why we both cheated on them.
We are both naughty, wild and we really have good n crazy times together. Only a week together.

Now we are apart (I'm in another state), he still texting me and say he falls for me and that he can't sleep thinking about me and that he misses me a lot.

I think about him all the time. I miss him too and so want to meet him. and now.. I'm stil here asking questions about him and still trying to figure out if he's really falling for me.

This f*cking crazy! I numb myself, i smoke, drink and am so depressed. I need to stop all this.
Where to escape from here?
What am i gonna do?
This feelings and emotions are killing me and I hate myself.
I'm a sl ut and he's a jerk.
I like him a lot and still figuring out if he feels the same.
It's crazy!

Answer 1

You're feeling guilty, and that's a good thing. Without that feeling, you would have no "moral compass." The guilt you feel is because you know down deep that what you are doing is wrong. You made a promise to someone, maybe way back there, but still you made it. It's time to do the hard thing and keep it. You and this other man need to stop this affair. You are harming two families by your selfishness.

Cheating on a spouse is very unfair. This man isn't trying to pay bills with you, raise a family with you, or solve all the mind-numbing problems attached to your home. He just enjoys the best of you, and only shows you his perfect side. All this is going on, while your husband funds half or so of what you are doing behind his back - not very nice. How would walking in his shoes feel for you (if he were cheating on you)?

I would encourage you to get away from this guy - really, truthfully, and completely end your relationship with this guy. Then I would encourage you to enter marriage counseling with your husband. It's time to relearn talking dirty, and flirting with him. It's time to get those sparks flying again. He's a guy, he may not even know there's a problem. Ask him to go to counseling with you. Convince him of its importance and start down the path of doing what you should - keeping your promise. The guy you're cheating with is not trustworthy - he's already proved that by cheating with you. Do you not think he may someday cheat ON you?

Answer 2

Before you go further into this mess you've created,...

1. Stop thinking about him. Make the decisions you need to make as if he weren't a factor.

2. If you are unhappy with your spouse, either end it or work it out.

3. Ask yourself if there's any real emotional involvement; what you're doing now is the result of being unhappy at home. He's a distraction, the intensity of something and someone new. It's only been a week.

4. Get a hold of your life. The drinking and smoking aren't doing anything to help you. Get a therapist, put an end to the affair. If this guy is really into you, he will wait until you get your act together.

5. Don't kid yourself about how emotionally and physically dangerous this situation is. This affair is a crutch, you're not dealing with your life realistically or constructively. You don't know how your husband or his wife will react when they find out. They are going to, it's just a matter of time. Get tested for sexually transmitted diseases.

It doesn't matter how he feels. Get your act together, make your life work. No one can do that but you.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are doing some pretty destructive stuff. There is more going on than just the affair. Counseling might be a good option to help you figure stuff out.

In the meantime, you are being rather unfair to your marriage. You have some tough choices to make and the longer you put them off the more difficult they will be.

You need to decide if you want to commit to making your marriage work or if it is time to leave your husband. It is hard to survive a marriage after an affair and it is very self destructive to continue to keep this from him.

If you try to make the marriage work - end the affair. End it now. End it as soon as possible. Never ever have an affair again. Period.

If you decide to leave your husband - consider your relationship to this man. Are you ready to jump right back into a relationship or do you need some time to figure out where you stand with yourself?

My most important advice is to stop running away from the situation. Stop dwelling and start working on a solution. The first step is to talk to your doctor about finding a counselor who you can confide in confidentially so you can begin to sort yourself out and start making the very serious decisions you need to be making right now.

There is no easy way out at this point. There is no where to turn where you won't cause anyone any pain - including yourself. It is time to just do it so you and your family can begin to heal and you can begin to do what is right.

Answer 4

Your child is your #1 priority. You are also a mother, not just a lover.Try to have a holiday with your husband, small escape with your husband, faraway from your affair.Try to fix your internal relationship with your husband prior to make another fire. Just believe me that the wound you caused for your self, your husband and your daughter will cut more deep than the emotional things you feel now. Maybe this feeling last for only months, but the pain you caused for your family and your affair's family will takes years, potentially to be unforgiven & unforgotten, that makes you have no pride and esteem again from your family & friends for this day forward. Dont ever tell them about your mistakes. Dont let your self alone at anytime, shop with your child, talk with friends, make more quality time with husband. Go, spoil your self in a good spa treatment, go home, take a look at your daughter and see how much you still love your family. Imagine if they are the ones who'll leave you for someone else, do you still able to enjoy your life ?

Answer 5

Make a choice. It's not fair to any of you to stay in a marriage that is not a real relationship. If you are not committed to making the marriage work, get out for that reason, not for someguy that may never leave his wife. For all you know, this guys does this kind of thing all the time. First make the decision about your marriage, then go from there. You owe your husband that much.

Answer 6

Okay one question you may want to ask yourself you have
cheated on your husband and him on his wife. Would either of you want to be married to each other knowing that you are adulterating scum and have the ability to cheat on each other when you haven't feelings for each other anymore. This question may make sense if you would consider what you have done to your husband and what has done to his wife.
Stop the insanity let your husband go if you are that unhappy
or if you have the guts to tell him that you cheated then well he would probably tell you to hit he road? In any regard you
and this guy have proceeded to mess up four other peoples lives if that doesn't make sense to your immoral brain the other adults involved and the kids!. I hope your proud of your
cheating ways time to grow up!

Answer 7

ooh, please don't say those things about yourself. I've been exactly where you are! Both married, not getting what we need from our partners, had sex once, flirted all the time, some internet stuff, each have one small child. Seemed like such a good idea at the time. Then he started to feel guilty. He'd look at his wife and daughter and realize all he had to lose. This went on and off for a few months, it was very hard. After we finally called it quits (his wife started to sleep with him again, which apparently was all he was really looking for) I started evaluating why I was doing what I was doing. It was because I felt crappy about myself, I hated myself, and I was making my home life miserable. He made me feel hot, and sex was great, and he was exciting. I started thinking about what life would be like with him, and realized it wouldn't be half as good as I have it now. I know my husband is faithful, I know he loves me, he's a great daddy. Yes, we have lots of work to do, but it wasn't worth it for me to ruin everything we have. Don't ever tell your husband, no matter if you decide to stay or go, there is no reason he needs to know he's not good enough for you. I know it's much easier said than done, but try to cool things with the new guy and try to figure out your feelings about yourself. Maybe you have low self esteem, maybe you're just bored, but figure out if it's really worth it to throw away all you have!

Answer 8

#1 You deserve each other
#2 his will all be over within 4 months
#3 You two are acting as if you are 14
#4 Tell your hubby you want out,leave the daughter behind.

Answer 9

You're halfway there. All you have to do is put those feelings you have to use with your husband. Problem solved. If you put the same energy into your marriage, things will get better. I promise. You have to want to though.

Answer 10

You two jerks deserve each other. I hope what you two are doing comes back to haunt you both. Grow up you are not kids out for a good time. You are destroying two families , because you have hot pants. Divorce your families and get with the jerk and the slut. See how long the hotttest last. See how long you will trust each other. What you can't have you want. Neither one of you is getting anything but trash. You both deserve to live in the stink.