How did you find out your spouse is (or was) cheating?

Answer 1

(my first husband) I installed software that I downloaded from the internet on our computer. It recorded every key stroke of his emails with a co-worker and also one of his students in his reserve unit. He denied everytime I asked him, but when faced with this information, he had to come clean.

It was the worst time in my life.....but I have never been happier now that I am out of that relationship and in a loving, caring relationship with a man who cherishes me.

Answer 2

I can always tell. There's a shift in the relationship. You can feel the change..sometimes it's subtle..other times it's been so in your face you could reach out and touch it.

There are tell tale signs. I can tell you what I learned when my ex BF was cheating. He avoided me subtly at first. He was .spending more time away from home...working "longer hours". He started dressing better and I noticed a change in the style of underwear he wore. From baggy boxers to more form fitting numbers. He also started spending more time on the computer....late night sessions and when would come in his office, he immediately cleared the computer screen.

I started mattering less. His answers were more flppant and sometiems, he'd look for fights to give him an excuse to leave the house.

It was horrible and there's nothing more demeaning. Nothing can make you feel "not good enough" like a cheating partner.

I don't kow what it's like for guys, but women know when a spouse or boyfriend is cheating. Even if the signs were absent...we'd still be able to tell.

Answer 3

He talked a lot about this co-worker and reminded me that she was 20 years older than him on a far-too-often basis. I got suspicious when he was spending too much on lunches, coming home late, etc. I knew his email password, so I checked his email. There I found correspondance between the two of them.

You can also request a detailed phone log from your cell phone company, you can get this free of charge. There are plenty of ways to "spy" on your spouse, but I don't recommend it because it makes you absolutely crazy!

You can bug the phone (check ebay for telephone recorders) and tape his conversations. You can borrow a friend's car and follow him when he goes out. You can have a friend do it for you, if you want. You can hire a private investigator who will take photos for you, or even do a 'sting' operation and set him up. It's up to you.

All of these things, however, can damage your relationship if he ISN'T cheating, so you'd be better off making darn sure of your suspicions before trying anything. (If you are suspicious.) I will say this, however. A woman who suspects is nearly always right. I have yet to meet someone who was wrong in their suspicions. Good luck, hon, I hope you have nothing to worry about!

Answer 4

The question is this, if you are not normally suspicious of him cheating and something has recently been going on to begin making you wonder, or are you usually suspicious without cause? If you are the first one then go with your gut, and approach him about it without being emotional and accusing. Just say hey i noticed __ __ & __ and i think you may be wandering, and if you are could you tell me what the problem is or what it is that you need that you are not getting from me? If it is something and he tells you then you two need to discuss ways to meet his needs that will help him feel more satisfied at home or if he really just wants to move on and doesn't know how to tell you so he doesn't, and he hopes you will just want out yourself. Talking honestly while controling your emotions is usually the best way to approach a man. If he is not then he will ask you why you think that. you need to tell him what he has been doing that seems suspicious and how it makes you feel about yourself and the relationship. I usually start couples off with''Please listen without judgement or interruption, this is not a personal attack, it is a doorway to being closer and more connected. Be honest and calm and understanding. you may discover that his infidelity will open the way for a better relationship throught this healing process.

Answer 5

Stefka- My husband spys on me and snoops, I keep thinking about that old theory... but i just can't see when he would. It does make sense though.

I think most people find out when the souse or s.o. gets careless and something slips up. The other involved sends a text message when he's not guarding the phone etc...

Be sure to have a look at those cell phone bills. ;)

Answer 6

My girlfriend in college kept going back to my Frat after we graduated and were planning our wedding. I was suspicious and found it odd that she was STILL going back to school after we should have been planning our lives. I got a call from a Frat brother who told me that basically she was ******** all the guys every weekend and they were basically fighting over her late at night! Now There's a boost for ones male self esteem! She was out of my life by 3pm the next day. Crying and saying how she made a mistake. Creep!

Answer 7

by personal experience the cheater usually shows signs of neglect towards you, family, work, friends, etc. something he normally wouldn't do. like when i found out my ex-boyfriend was cheating on me was when he would neglect to spend time with me as much, made excuses, and then i got smart. one day out of the blue i went in his pockets. i found this number in his wallet. i used his phone to call it and he had her name in the phone as "basketball buddy" (some people will disguise that person as someone else in their phone). but a female answers like "oh baby i was wondering when you were going to come over" then i was like what. she was like who are you. the conversation goes on until she confessed she was messing with my man. it was crazy.

here is some tips on if your spouse is cheating:
- He/she starts telling lies for no reason.
- He/she starts coming home at unusual times and refuses to give any rational explanation.
- He/she suddenly starts exercising or going to the gym.
- He/she buys a whole new wardrobe of fancy and flashy clothes.
- He/she buys a new perfume/cologne.
- He/she starts a new diet
- He/she suddenly changes his/her driving pattern.
- He/she buys new hot/sexy underwear.
- He/she starts spending more money without giving any explanation.
Your spouse seems bored. Bored with you, with job, with kids, with hobbies, with life in general.
Your spouse seems to want danger or thrills in his/her life.
There is considerably less intimacy in your relationship. Your sex life is practically non-existent.
Your spouse has a low self-esteem.
You notice your spouse has a sense of confusion about self.
You spouse has become lazy, especially around the house.
You can't get your spouse to communicate with you.
Your spouse gets very defensive if you mention infidelity or affairs.
Your spouse is suddenly more attentive than usual.
Your mate is working longer hours at work.
Your spouse is dressing nicer, looking nicer.
You notice charges on credit card statement that don't make sense.
Your spouse is indifferent to family events like birthdays and holidays.
You find your partner has been lying to you about a variety of things.
Money becomes more of an issue between the two of you.
He/she doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything with you anymore.
You can't even get your mate to fight with you.
You feel as if you are being avoided.
Your partner abandons religious faith.
Your spouse seems more secretive.
Your spouse will most probably neglect some marital duties to the innocent spouse and the children.

Answer 8

One night, I had copied the link for a photo on Slide.com. The next day, I was online again and didn't really want to log back on so I right clicked my mouse and clicked "paste" and an e-mail between my husband and this woman came up. I printed it out and asked him about it and he blew it off. Then I started getting my daughters ready to leave and he confessed. I'm still trying to get over it.

Answer 9

When my X came home from his national guard weekend, he was acting strange. He was usually loving but he came home and went straight to the shower. Come to find out that he fooled around with some girl down there. I worked at a cell phone company and we ONLY had cell phones and not land line phones So when he was acting wierd I checked his phone records and found him calling this number, so I called it and she told me everything. Alot of it was womans intuition and his stupidity.

Answer 10

I knew it for a long time . He would go to her house ( friendship to help out fixing things) She went on vacation with the family (note she is my youngest sister 18 years younger) They left me at the motel and went bar hopping. I was told I was crazy when I got mad they were just friends. Then I found a receipt for diamond earrings he gave her for Christmas . I got a pair of pants and shirt. He left when I showed him the receipt. He still going with her and it has been 4 years. He even purchase a house one block from hers. He still tells his children it is friendship,. My detective and the judge did not think so.

Answer 11

He admitted it to me, after I confronted him. He tried to hide it from me, as he was extra generous with me. Months before I found a piece of paper with a girl's name and phone number, and he said it was old friend from work he ran into and she gave him her phone number. I didn't quite believe it. We worked together and I answered the phone and the girl whose name was on the paper called, and I answered. I said who was that and he said it was the girl at the bank that he took a loan, calling about the loan. I knew he was busted in a lie, he came clean after that and told me he was in love with two women. There was also an incident where I found condoms and vodka in our van, many months before. He explained that away by saying he loaned the van to his younger brother and they were his. He did not drink, so I bought that one. he was cheating on me for a very long time, the things I discovered after the fact. He was just a good con.