Loud, blunt,and how not to offend?

Question

I`ve been told I my voice is loud and sometimes when answering someone I tend to be condescending with the answer.How would you suggest I correct this without changing who I am,because honestly it is unintentional and I feel badly about it.

Answer 1

I think this is a great question. You want to know how to communicate more effectively without changing who you are. You are in good company because everyone has to work on communication skills. I make mistakes frequently and then I need to think through what went wrong, so I've been there, too.

There's serious conversations, and then there's hanging out. For serious conversations, these are some of the things I've been learning to do: listen more carefully to what someone is saying. Repeat back to them what I heard them say, to check out that I got it right. That let's me slow down and be less impulsive in what I say. Then put myself in their shoes and try to feel what they feel. By doing this, I can respond with compassion and empathy.
Usually if a person feels really heard, they feel good about the conversation. These have been working for me. I don't know if they would apply to you.

Have you ever heard this: When you are pointing a finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you. This means we react to things in others that we don't like in ourselves, but we don't start off knowing this. Since I've heard this, I'm able to reflect on uncomfortable interactions I have afterwards, and try to learn about myself from that. I've been finding that this doesn't change WHO I am but helps me act more the kind of person I want to be. But growing can be hard; it involves a lot of feelings. I find I do it well when I have a couple of friends to talk to about things. Sometimes I also joke with these close friends, saying something like, Priscilla, Oops, I did it again!

For the hanging out part, I tell people something they already know but I didn't understand: I want attention! Just being honest like that has helped me connect with others on the fly. I don't mean I was dishonest in a conscious way; just that I wasn't conscious of my need for attention; I couldn't admit it to myself. Then I found out I didn't have to be perfect. So by admitting my own weaknesses, I connect in a deeper way with people. They say that acting superior can be a mask, in a way, of feeling a little inferior. This has been true for me. I was super competitive in class. I try to gently make fun of myself, to show others that I don't take myself THAT seriously. Now I also have a list on my wall of ten ways to increase my self-esteem. It starts with having good people around you. Not that you need to do that.

I also used to be a lot more sarcastic and my gang read me the riot act. Stop or go. I found out I was very angry underneath, but not at my friends. I was angry about how one of my parents was treating me. Once I understood who I was really angry at, I didn't need to take it out on my friends. This probably has nothing to do with your situation.

I think you have asked a very mature, adult question. You seem to be bright and to really care about how others feel. These are great assets. I think you can trust yourself. I'm glad I had this chance to review some of my own communication issues. There's lots of really good advice from other answerers, too. Good luck.

L

Answer 2

Just think consciously about what you're saying every time you open your mouth. Keep in mind your audience and how they might perceive the content and tone of your message. Practice with one of your friends or someone who has pointed this out to you- they will be able to tell you how you are coming across as condescending without even realizing it, and then you'll be able to work on improvement.

I had this problem big-time after graduating college. I was so used to saying whatever I want, all the time that I really had to tone down my act big-time in the workplace. It gets easier with practice, and you don't have to change who you are at all. Just be mindful of the people around you and how they might interpret your words and actions.

Answer 3

Although it's not ALL black men and women, it's the enormous majority. I believe that majority is shrinking yr after yr despite the fact that. As our races grow to be extra combined, and because the ghettos begin to vanish, I believe you are going to see a colossal difference. All this racists stuff would not exist if we had been all of the equal race. However, unhealthy conduct, bitterness, and poverty is aware of no race, and that's what you're speakme approximately right here. It was a "white" global, however that was once 50 years in the past, and extra. Prejudice and segregation is nil and void now. Sure, it nonetheless exists on a small scale, however it's not appropriate to the enormous majority. Given time, it'll die out, however there's consistently the exception, and there'll consistently be unhealthy men and women on the earth. The target is to preserve the unhealthy men and women to the bottom viable percent.

Answer 4

Think before you speak. I am also loud, and have been described as being blunt. I have to watch the tone of voice I use when responding or talking, because that is how people take their cues. But, on the upside, people are never left wondering where they stand with me. I always tell the truth, I just have to watch how the truth comes out.

Answer 5

Watch your words! Take your voice down at least 10 degrees. Try prefacing your answer with a humbling statement such as, "I could be wrong about this, but I would say ......." study how to have those phrases on the tip of your tongue, so you come off as being as sincere as you say you are. If you feel badly about being so offensive, you will make a practice of listening to how others speak and are perceived as being courteous, then try to match your answers to be similar.