What to do to prep for divorce?

Question

I'm 24, he's 30 and we have a 5 yr old daughter together. We have been married for almost 6 years in August and last month he kind of just stopped talking to me. After 3 weeks of no talking he then informed he that he was unhappy in our marriage and that he didn't think it was going to be able to work. I've accepted this and told him that I want him to be happy even if that means without me. He says he doesn't want a divorce but he moved out 2 weeks ago. I metioned yesterday that I was thinking of moving out as well (We've lived with his parents the whole time) and he flipped out telling me that if I do move out he will seek full custody of our daughter that I wasn't moving in with my parents (He hates them!)I know this is a form of abuse and it makes me even more sure our marriage is over.

Any advice for insuring if I leave how I can be sure to get custody plus tips for starting from scratch? I have no credit and haven't been considered working this whole time. Any advice welcomed

He actually says I am too dependent on him and that he can't stand it anymore. We are complete opposites(I'm seeing that more and more now) and he is tired of acting like he is happy when he's not.

I've been working under the table for 5 years...I don't make enough to really show for it but that will change. I've applied to become a local driving instructor and should know by next week if I was accepted or not.

He owns his own business and can afford a much better lawyer than I could dream of.

He says that I am 120% a good mother. She has been with my all her life every day. I was going to homeschool her and where I work they do let me bring her. He doesn't have a foot to stand on if he says I'm unfit but he will make it up if he has too. He fights dirty!

My parents want me to move in with them, save what I can then get a house on my own once I have more credit. I have a card that he co-signed for but it is maxed out at $3000.00!

The reason I say I know it is abuse, he is emotionally trying to control me and on more issues than this.

He doesn't like my family, more so my mom, thus I'm not allowed to go over there without being yelled at.

The threat of "Either you live here with my parents or I take our child" is emotional abuse! He knows that I live for her. My daughter is with out a doubt the most important thing to me!!!!

As far as sucking it up and growing up...I am a responisble parent! I don't go to the bars, never have and never will. I spend every moment I can doing something with our daughter and I try to better her future! He is the one that only likes to have his family when it's convienent and there isn't a card game or buddies wanting to go bar hopping. I act more like a 30 yr old than he does.

We once had a plan to move out and he decided he liked living with them and again, I was given the choice...stay or divorce.

He'll yell until I submit and I'm done being the meek and mild.

Answer 1

Make the following arrangements, and do the following things.

SHUT UP ,tell him your not going anywhere.

1.Then contact your parents or friends about somewhere to stay.

2.Get a date and time set up to get gone, like if his parents go to bingo on Monday night from 7-9 pm, thats the time you go

3. Start staging the things you would take if the house was on fire, like important papers, pictures, money, jewelry,

Clean up your room, straighten and put your important papers and pictures in one spot. keep yours and the baby's clothes together that way you can throw them into black garbage bags when the time comes.

4. The day your leaving start getting ready to go but hide what you pack.

5. Have whomever is coming to get you waiting down the road for the call, just before his parents are ready to leave.

6. When you see them drive away start throwing your sh!t into bags, and call your ride

7. Get what you can and kiss the rest good bye, because you probably won't see it again. Unless you got a lot of help and a U Hual truck

8. The next morning get your @ss to an atty. and file for divorce, if you can set up the appointment before your move or have a friend or parent set it up.

9. Then hang on cause it will be a bumpy ride, and once you go theres no turning back, and start the I'm missing you, because it could get violent and if you don't file first he may get your kid.

I hope this helps, it's just the start of your list because there's thing's I don't know about your situation, like do you have a car? How far would you go? etc.

If you need to get more info feel free to email me

Answer 2

The key to custody is:

1. File for temporary primary custody first--before he does. It is next to impossible to get it revoked once in place.
2. Don't abandon the children. He left them already, making him look bad. You stay with them and you will be the primary custodian.
4. Go to your State Social Services and file for food stamps, health insurance, etc.
3. Don't deny him visitation unless it is for a good reason that would endanger their health or safety.
4. Don't leave the state without giving him 30 days notice.
5. File for child support with your local domestic relations unit before you do anything.
6. Most states have all kinds of assistance to pay for school or other job training and support you and your kids while you do it. You'll be fine. Check your Social and Human Services agencies and Government and get all the help you'll need while you get on your feet.
7. There should be free legal aide for you so that he can't push you around during this separation/divorce. Check into it.

I wish you the very best.

That is it in a nutshell. Check with your local family court to make sure, then move, notifying the ex of your new address. He has no business telling you where you can or can't live as long as you are not endangering your children. Do what is best for you and them. You have 30 days to let him know of address changes. Best of luck. Hope it all works out.

Answer 3

You need to see a lawyer right away. You need to have insurance that you can keep your child and a lawyer (go by recommendations and reputation) should be able to tell you how likely that is. I think it would be difficult for him to try to take your child from you.
His goals seem simple to me: he wants you to stay with his parents so he will have you somewhat under this thumb. He doesn't want a divorce because it will cost him money (which he can afford) and he can have his cake and eat it too by keeping you where he wants you while he plays.
This is bad news - he will use intimidation because he wants this situation so bad - it is ideal for him. The more he intimidates, the more he gets your cooperation just by his yelling at you. That's a good deal for him - and cheap!
You do have to be with your parents and explain to them how he will try to use intimidation; let's hope they can support you in resisting being fearful. The most important thing for you is to be strong. Have a good lawyer, get a job but make sure your child care is the best - he will use anything he can against you in court. A divorce lawyer has seen it all (get a divorce lawyer, not just any lawyer) and will advise you how to protect yourself.
You're going to have to learn to manage your money. You say you have no credit but mention a $3000 debt. Start learning now about financial matters. Get a good current book and study it. Good luck!

Answer 4

The good news is you're only 24, that's still young, with plenty of time to go to school and get started on a career. My mom was married for 25 years, and never worked, but now she's so independent, I sometimes have a hard time believing that's my mother! My point is don't underestimate yourself, you have a little girl to work for and live for, and that gives you enough strength to get ahead. As for your husband getting custody of your daughter, in what grounds does he plan to get her? Were you unfaithful? Are you a drug user or have a history of abuse with the child? From your post, it seems he has no reasonable explanation to request custody, all he wants to do is trying to scare you. Leave him, go to your parents or any other place where you feel safe. If you need to, get a restraining order. Where is he staying at? What gives him the right to leave and keep you from leaving? I think he has someone else, and is trying to keep you around in case it doesn't work. What can you do to start from scratch? Go to school, find a job, like I said, you're still young! Good luck to you, and I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, but remember your self worth and lift your ching up!

Answer 5

You need to stop listening to him. He's giving you really bad legal advice! :)

Go see a lawyer. You need a legal separation and custody agreement to start. Divorce can come later.

As an adult American citizen, you are allowed to live wherever - right? Didn't he just exercise his right to move? Don't let him keep you a prisoner with his threats.

If you are a good mother, then you will not lose your daughter.

Start documenting everything. Keep a journal.
Day & time of every threat, every phone call, etc.
Make up whatever excuse, but try to get him to agree to do everything via email - that way you can save a record. When he calls, let him leave a message - then respond via email in the hopes that he will respond by email too.

Forward all these records to a Yahoo email account - in case your pc breaks down, you'll have a back up.

Answer 6

You pack your stuff and you leave. Point blank. Go to your parents. He can't have everything his way, what does he want you to do? Live with his parents after you divorce... yeah ok, sure. He sounds like a big jerk, so consider yourself lucky. He probably is cheating on you or has, because he doesn't want to be with you, but doesn't want you gone either. Too bad for him, leave now.
You are the mother, and they are not going to just take your child from you. He can pay you alimony and child support, and you can get a job. I would start looking and getting one now. Go to your parents... who cares if he hates them? What a jerk, good luck.
It will take you awhile to build some credit up, but you will begin to when you get a job, just stick the job out. You can start getting your credit built up with a cell phone, or something small like that. Maybe a credit card like American Express, that you have to pay off at the end of every month. There are lots of ways to do it, and I am sure your parents will be glad to help you get it all in order.

Answer 7

This sounds like a scare tactic on his part. A way of controlling you. I think you would be right to move out of his parents place and either get a place of your own or with your parents.

Unless you have done something to the child he doesn't stand a chance of getting full custody.

As to getting yourself started I am assuming your daughter goes to school in the morning so why not look at a temp job or something that will bring you income in on your own.

See what you can find out about what he is doing - seeing someone since he moved out. Bring this to court.

As far as getting credit get a gas card or something small and pay it in full every month.

Also get a attorney.

Answer 8

In order for him to gain full custody of your child he has too prove that you are an unfit mother and cant take care of the child. He is just trying to control you. If you have a place to go with your child, then do so , but you need to consult a divorce lawyer before doing anything, this way he can tell you what he can and cant do in your state.

Before you move out make sure that you are able to afford to support you and the child on your own, that the child wouldnt need for anything. Remember it has nothing to do with how much money one makes but how you take care of your child.

Answer 9

Move out of his Parents and in with yours right away. Your husband and his parents are trying to Control you and so far have done a good job of it. First thing you need to do is go see a good lawyer. Fight Fire with Fire, and your daughter is worth growing some backbone over. Find you a good job and start working on your Credit. And with the help and Support of your Parents you can do it. I wish you the best in Life, but do not allow yourself to be anyones Fool again.

Answer 10

Get you an attorney, there is legal aide,move out and keep your daughter. First of all there is more to his story than he's unhappy. He can't have his cake and eat it too. Perhaps you have someone you can stay with until you can get on your feet. You get yourself alimony( up to 3 months the state I live in), child support, housing. There's plenty out there you can do for your daughter and yourself. And when you start getting on your feet and some independence... watch out.... He'll come telling you how much he loves you etc. until you fall back into that same hole... then he'll do it again and again, until YOU stop letting it happen.