We have been married 4 years now and I think I want a different life. We have a total of 6 kids and I just feel drained. I never want to have sex with him anymore.
2007-03-23 05:42:51 · 51 answers · asked by randi_olds 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has three daughters from a previous marriage. Together we have 3 boys. In the past 4 years he has gotten very controlling. I am not allowed to have any friends. Not allowed to go anywhere by myself. Not allowed to visit family by myself. I have never gave him a reason to think that I would ever cheat on him either. What do I do?
2007-03-23 06:01:12 · update #1
I went thru this with my ex. I tried and tried to change that but couldn't. If the emotion is dead then don't continue to kid him. It's time for the both of you to go your own ways.
2007-03-23 05:49:48 · answer #1 · answered by gemini 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man I can see why it seems the guy has got way to much sperm to unload six kids WOW. Maybe if you went and got your tubes tied or he did then maybe you would have those feelings come back. Seek counselling raising kids is a very hard job and maybe you do not want to have sex with him is because he does nothing but work and you have to take care of the kids and the house etc. Maybe its time to tell your hubby that you need some help with some of the household chores you got six kids that is enough on its own consider getting some help like a nanny or even a maid.
You sound exhausted and never imagined your life would be baby maker of the decade I do not know how young you are but I can just be glad the wife and I chose to spoil are selves with no kids. But you have made your life and what it is so
work at it talk and then talk some more. Marriage is suppose to be for life think how it would look on the kids if mommy and daddy couldn't even stay married for say 5yrs?
God Bless and my Prayers are with you and your family
if not already consider finding a church to go to they can work
miracles on marriage and families.
2007-03-23 05:59:55 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is it him, or how he reacts to the life you BOTH have? It's not just him, I'm sure it's the stress and pressures of the life YOU BOTH have created. He's probably feeling the same thing. Are you depressed? Could it be post partum depression? Having lots of kids is stressfull, I have a lot also, my wife cheated on me and left, she was unhappy as well, but it was her post partum depression and stuff, she thought if she got out, she'd be happier, now I have the kids and everything, she left with her car, now she's still unhappy and depressed. She ruined all our lives and she's sorry she made the mistake of cheating and leaving (she had no intention of staying with the guy she cheated with). Before we were married, we both agreed we don't believe in divorce and if we get married, we stay married and work it out. She got depressed all the time and her mind changed cause she couldn't see any other way out. She has said that if we never had kids we'd still be together (it's awful to say). Kids and money are the biggest things that ruin a marriage. Stick with it, try counseling and be strong. Roll with it. Communicate more. Have a session every night with your husband were you both take turns talking for 10 minutes, nothing confrontational, and neither one of you can interrupt while the other is talking. MAKE IT WORK, you'll be sooooo much happier a couple years from now. Just stop haing kids and don't do anything "stupid" (I hate that word, and I'm not calling you stupid)
2007-03-23 05:51:54 · answer #3 · answered by KidBao 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, no wonder you are drained. Six kids in four years? You need to decide if there is ANY way to get back those feelings you once had for him. Is this all the result of being drained and worn out or do you just not love him at all anymore?
You two probably have no time alone together, so that is the first issue to address if you really want to work it out.
If not, then you need to figure out what to do next, if you should leave him. That is a very serious decision, I know, being separated and soon to be divorced. I am also with a man that is separated and soon to be divorced. You have to consider yourself and your kids in this decision.
2007-03-23 05:50:03 · answer #4 · answered by Aquaria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you've already got the kids, you can't run now. Try doing something different to spice up your life. Take a long walk in the park , take up a new hobby, take a yoga class. Do something small and different everyday no matter what. Sounds like you're feeling passionless. Running is not going to make you have a new life. Also, your hormones could be out of whack. Look in changing the way you eat to healthier. Eating three Yams a week, helps to balance hormones, also garlic revs up your sex drive.Talk to your husband, communicate.Having great communication can help you to get that feeling back.
2007-03-23 05:53:02 · answer #5 · answered by girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your drained from all those life devouring kids, I know I have 4 with 5 grand kids. You devote your everything to them, and they take the life from your very lungs.
You need to do the following in this order. starting Friday
1. Take a day to yourself, go to a day spa, a park, no phone just you. See how you feel after that.
Keep in mind if you feel drained your husband probably does too
2. Give hubby a day just like you had, see how he feels after that
So he babysits, then you babysit, then you hire a sitter for the third day
3. Just the two of you go out, to dinner and have a conversation about your lives together, after the kids, because yes there's life after the kids.
Tell him how you feel, he may feel the same way, if the two of you took one weekend a month and did the above mentioned who knows you may want to go for two weekends a month.
If you guys can't work it out, seek some counseling, before you do anything more drastic
Hope this helps, but were newlyweds going on 12 yrs. now ;}
If you love each you can get through a lot. But you have to remember what brought you to the dance, why your together.
There were day neither one of us wanted to come home because there was always drama. But we did, we just held on tighter to each other, and we survived the storm. I love my wife more now than I ever have.
The only child left at home is 16yo. and he's a good kid so we kept looking for the light at the end of the tunnel now we see it.
2007-03-23 06:01:03 · answer #6 · answered by walker9842 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW 6 kids in just 4 years, no wonder you feel so drained!! Know this, if you decide to leave your husband how would you take care of the kids? Maybe if you both arrange some time away without the kids is what you need. Otherwise, even if you leave, you still would have the responsibility to care for your children. I suggest you get medical treatment to ensure you will not risk having any more children.
2007-03-23 05:56:52 · answer #7 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If these kids were from you both, then the answer unfortunately has to be... too bad. Basically since you've decided to create such a family, you can't leave or cheat. It would end up hurting too many people. Otherwise I would have suggested looking into other options. But worry not, their are similar people with the same problem, hence there are various programs, games and places you can go to "re-awaken" your love life. I would hope you have or would try those options before you make any life altering decisions, cause it's not just your life anymore.
2007-03-23 05:55:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Six kids would drain anyone, hon, and it's too bad you and he, and who ever else didn't realize that before putting them on the planet.... children are divisive to relationships, as you are finding out, not bonding.... and as such, they change forever your relationship... going from the babe, and hot chick to mom and housewife, and stud/ hot dude, to father and provider... and these are roles that just kill romance. Thus between your children his children, and yours together, you guys are overloaded with finding what roles you'd really like to stress. And for sure, finding it about impossible to reconnect..... And hon, you and he need some professional guidance, to be able to do that..... because he probably feels the same way about the situation. At this point, divorce is probably out of the question.... as my dad once said, divorce is a nice thing if you can afford it... and with six children involved, likely you cannot.
Given that, in your place, I'd be seeking some family counseling to change this really tough situation into something more positive... it will be the best money you will ever spend. And it won't have to go one for years, either. A few session, (take notes) ought to improve the outlook both of you have...
Good luck, hon.
2007-03-23 06:00:03 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not surprised ,you really need to talk to him about your feelings on this.He probably doesn't realize what you are thinking. Tell him he must understand that things have to change,6 children is enough for anyone, you need to build up your energy levels.Tell him your DO not want anymore kids you are looking after 3 of his thats even harder, You are entitled to you own space ,you must stand up to him and set new boundaries of freedom.He should also help you around the house and with the kids, being a father is not just about making them they have to be looked after as well. He has to deal with his own insecurities from the past and not project them on to you, they should remain in the past if you are both to have a future together. Arrange one evening per week to spend time with your friends and join a club or night school.Do not take any nonsense from him ,he is an adult and should behave as such.
2007-03-23 05:49:13 · answer #10 · answered by Lindsay Jane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I think you are having stress. Coz you have 6 kids, housework and no side help.
You need a rest somehow far from your family for a while.
But if I'm wrong about stress...if you can't stand him physically and emotionally, it's better to leave him. Never think that kids don't notice problems between parents. It's a stress for them to see or to feel it all the time.
Besides...if you feel that way towards your husband from who you have 6 kids...it's his big mistake and problem to make you feel like this just after 4 years. You don't need to make your life miserable. You worth more than this.
ALL THE BEST!
2007-03-23 05:55:25 · answer #11 · answered by Panther 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋