I really want to get this job at this country club. I've been offered it several times before and am really considering it now. It would be an extra 200-400 dollars per weekend for me and I could really use the money. However, my husbands work schedule is weird. He works 4 days and then has 2 days off. he only has about 1-2 weekends off in a 2 month period. We get his step daughter every other weekend, and I usually end up spending the majority of the time with her, which I DO LOVE.... but I HATE fighting over money and thats the ONLY thing we fight over lately. Since I dont work on the weekends, even if he has to work he doesnt go in till 2pm, so he sees her all morning long on "our" weekends, and then again late at night if she is awake. I know it would cut down on the time he see's her, but Im SICK of fighting about money. Am I being selfish? He doesnt want me to work on the weekends because of this. I want to work to avoid fighting over money... what do I do?? Please help. Thanks:)
2007-03-23 05:16:00 · 16 answers · asked by Angel Eve 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry... I meant MY step daughter less. Its his REAL DAUGHTER!!! My typo. :)
2007-03-23 05:19:14 · update #1
Also... I DO NOT think of taking care of her as babysitting. She is 7 and I've been with him since she was 3, so she is LIKE my daughter. I call her real mom, my babys momma! So... not trying to be rude, but I feel that she is my responsibility too, I feel that she is my daughter in a sense, and not spending time with her would suck for me too. But we really need the money and thats why I cant figure out with to do. Thanks
2007-03-23 05:30:07 · update #2
Gosh, this IS a toughy!
It's not fair to you or your step daughter that you end up spending most of the time with her when she is supposed to be visiting her father. So how would it be different if you got that job? He still wouldn't end up seeing more of her. I think you being there on the weekends is convenient for him, but what about you? What about what YOU want? We as women are so often taught to give up so much of ourselves for others (men or not!)
I think you should take that job AND, if I may be so bold to suggest, put half the money you make into a savings account only you have access to. If you can't afford to do half then at least do 10%.
Sue Orman has a book out called Women and Money.
I would recommend you buy it AND GO FOR THAT JOB!
2007-03-23 05:30:58 · answer #1 · answered by TeaQueen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That little girl needs her father in her life. No money in the world can be more important then that. With your husbands work schedule it would be rather hard for him to see her if you were to get that job. She probably loves you to death as well since you have been with her for some years. His daughter will not understand that you two need the money. She will think that you and her dad do not want to see her as much. What is more important a love for a child or materialistic things? When going into a blended family we all have sacrafices that we have to face. Try to go on a budget cut down on some of the things you really do not need like cable, internet service, and other things you really do not have to have in life. You can also suggest your husband to get another job so he could have weekends off and you can work on those weekends. Do not take time away from that child.
2007-03-23 06:02:22 · answer #2 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Looks like you both have to sit down and compromise.
Ask yourself what are you trading for the extra money? You have your husband's step daughter that you enjoy being with, that will be gone.
Can you maybe work part of the weekend? Is there another time you can work? Can your house budget be cut back to make up for the money you would make?
Think it through and write out the pros and cons. Speak to your husband on this.
Good luck.
2007-03-23 05:24:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, don't leave them out of the decision-making process. (Think how you might feel if he made a big decision without consulting you, y'know?) Talk it over with both of them the next time you all have dinner together, or are hanging out and relaxed.
You mentioned that money is the sole cause of disharmony in your relationship. Since that is the case, then your stepdaughter should be encouraged to contribute to the conversation about your possible weekend job.Reason being, the sooner she knows what role money can play in relationships, the sooner she will begin to grasp that there truly are things besides children that cause divorce. Young children sometimes never get past the feeling that they were responsible; such feelings (as I'm sure you know) can plague the poor things for the rest of their lives.
2007-03-23 14:43:58 · answer #4 · answered by S B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds so familiar to me. I think you should take the job. If you want to. You will only be at work for what 8 hours a day. You said that your husband sees her in the mornings right. Then let him take her to a friends or grandparents until you get off work. Then you would be able to pick her up after work. If you and your husband are fighting over money, then you need to sit down and work on a compromise. There is an answer but you need to talk to your husband about it. I can't tell you what to do. But I would try to be more involved in the money situation.
2007-03-23 05:50:58 · answer #5 · answered by Kimmie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Working in a country club is a pleasant job take it at any rate.
If this presents a real problem for your step daughter you can
always try later on not to work every week-end. This would also permit you get the surgery done. This is important and in
the interest of the whole family. Improving the financial
situation of your family is neither unfair nor selfish.
2007-03-23 10:17:54 · answer #6 · answered by Fred W 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would take the job and let him work out the schedule with his daughter. One has nothing to do with the other. You need the money it's not being done out of spite. It 's great that you have a good relationship with her but after all she is there to spend time with her father so I would let him work that out. Maybe he can see her for a few hours during the week to make up for the weekends. If the money issue will be solved I would do it. It's not being selfish.
2007-03-23 05:23:41 · answer #7 · answered by Kat G 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Since the majority of her stay is with you, it is unfair of him to ask you not to work.
This is his responsibility in reality, not yours.
I would take the job and he will have to make alternate plans, then maybe he will start spending the quality time with her instead of you babysitting her while he is working.
This relationship has to be fair and there has to be give and take, he is being unfair...
She is his daughter not yours, yes I know you care for her, but you can't put your life on hold for her when he doesn't .
He is asking you to do something he is not willing to do.
It doesn't make sense to me.
If money is the issue, then you have to make sacrifices in life...
You don't have money , you fight, you babysit the step daughter... it is your turn now to pursue what you want.
I would take the job....
2007-03-23 05:25:54 · answer #8 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Since he's not seeing her much anyway, I don't see the problem. Not to be rude, but you are spending the majority of time with her and she's not even yours. The visitation is supposed to be for him to see her. I'd take the job. The money would really help. And he'll actually probably see her about the same amount. Good Luck.
2007-03-23 05:20:52 · answer #9 · answered by Lotus 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I say take the job and just work it temporarily until you get caught back up financially, don't feel bad about it, and no I don't think you are being selfish-it's a ***** fighting about money-sounds like you don't have any choice but to take the job.
2007-03-25 13:27:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋