I want to go from an ok spouse to a fantastis spouse. I have to small kids but life is getting boring and I don't love him like
I used to in a 16 year marriage.
2007-03-23 05:03:12 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Can't you discuss this with your husband?
The grass might be greener but eventually, if you and your new spouse both don't put any efforts in making your relationship exciting and better, again, in about 7 years (?), the grass will become greener somewhere else.
Having children often does this to a couple.
Councelling might help out? Also, keep in mind that passion and love change as the years go by, whoever you are with. It will be exciting at first with the new spouse but again, your responsibilities will still be there. That's life!
If you already tried everything and still, your spouse did not go along with the spicing up, then, I guess you have no choice but to leave him.
Good luck with your decision!
2007-03-23 05:17:54 · answer #1 · answered by Shaana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually when a person thinks the grass is greener on the other side they are rather disappointed in the end. When everyone first falls in love they do special things for one another and then after awhile they quit doing those things. Start doing those special things that you once did for your husband when you were just dating. Try to make your relationship sparkle again. It doesn't sound like he is a bad husband it just sounds as though you feel you are missing something and are wanting to find it elsewhere. If he is a good father and a good provider and does not abuse you in any way then your marriage can work. You need to communicate with him and tell him what your needs are. You need to make an effort and get your marriage back. If you decide to leave your husband and find another guy that you think is prince charming and then move in or marry him you might just be disappointed and the same things will be missing or even worse he would be a worse husband then the one you have now.
2007-03-23 06:14:43 · answer #2 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yup, the grass is indeed always greener, and being bored is common in longer marriages.
(You say you want to leave for a "fantastic" spouse.... got one in mind already??? Have you betrayed your marriage....??? 'cuz, hon, the only real dealbuster in marriage is indeed, betrayal... when the trust is gone, the admiration, respect and passion--- the four biggies that make a marriage --- are in the toilet too...and therefore, you may have already crossed the line......)
Before you flush the whole thing, confess to your husband that your marriage needs some help, at least in your eyes, and seek some counseling, either you by your self, or the two of you together...(remember, if you have already betrayed your spouse, and confess that, it will be two years minimum before your marriage heals, and that is no guarantee--- ask any counselor. For most betrayed spouses, it's over.... right then, and right now... so, if you are planning some counseling, shut the hell up about the betrayal, if it occurred....)
Read a few books.... you don't know how good you have it, hon....
"For You Both" by Lonnie Barbach... the leading sex and marriage counselor in the nation today, in paperback, and worth every dime.
2007-03-23 05:36:05 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's TERRIBLE, men now a days are emotionally immature. If you were early 20's I'd say try it out, but your in the age category as I am...full of SOMEONE elses ex! They're an ex for a reason...I'm satisfied with OK. I've had sooo much worse! I left 3 husbands but kept getting the SAME type of men! We do that, we humans, we tend to seek the SAME type we already had. The one I got now won't be financially responsible. He is wonderful most of the time. NO other man will treat YOUR kids like his own. You'll be "blended" like ours. We get along great for being blended with 8 kids all together. But blended families have it worse than "ok" marriages. Spark your marriage up! Fall back into love all over again! Start a competition with him...who can surprise the other one the most. Or take a class together. Do something NEW together. Each of you joining the others interest. That's what happens when you begin dating again. Say, you never watched NACAR, but your NEW boyfriend does...all of a sudden your taking an interest in it so you have something to talk about. Do this with your spouse! Take interest! Role play! Spice things up! Stay together with an "ok" spouse! What if you get a HORRIBLE wife beater instead?! I found 3!!!! I stay with this b/f even though he mooches off me...because he is "ok". 16 yrs is an awfully long time to just thrw away because it's "boring" or "ok". Please try...try harder. good luck!
2007-03-23 05:14:16 · answer #4 · answered by HeavenlyAngel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The grass is greener, but it still has to be mowed. Eventually, there is real work to any relationship. The reason the other relationship looks better is because right now, it has no complications, no bills, no talking, no mistakes, no oversights, no history.....
If you are looking for a steamy romance, chances are so is the person you sleep with. What things would you be doing if you were in a red hot love affair? Start planning (and doing) those things for y our husband. IN the beginning it will seem awkward as hell to write him a love letter...but believe me, it will come back...and its worth the effort...
Start by getting a sitter and taking him on a blind date. Send him a letter and give him the details of where to meet you and how he is to recognize you in the bar/restaraurant/park or whatever....then chat over dinner, like you just met....its a great place to start... all the best.
2007-03-23 05:33:00 · answer #5 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the way I have thought of it when I've felt like you: Yes, the grass is greener....to begin with. Then, if you're not extremely careful, you end up falling into the same ruts with the next person, and the next, and the next. Think of all the things you truly enjoy about your life and if those would stay the same if you left. Would your standard of living change? I know it sounds trivial, but if you get involved with someone with a different lifestyle, you could end up unhappy. Just a few things to think about. When I was comparing my hsuband to another man I realized that, yes, the passion and excitement is gone in our relationship, but that was all I had with the other man. If we were to be together, I wouldn't be able to enjoy some of the luxuries I do now. I'm sure he drools in his sleep and leaves his underwear all over the room, but I don't notice these things because I don't live with him. You can't expect someone to be perfect, they will always disappoint you.
2007-03-23 05:14:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a long time to be married. I've always heard that if your bored, you must be boring...........so maybe take some time away from him. I don't know,,,you seem kind of like, it's not a big deal that you want a DIVORCE. Don't be another statistic like I am.....stay married. I left my husband for other reasons than "the grass is greener on the other side" theory, but I'm just saying that its definately not fun. And some guys don't like to date divorced women because I guess they feel like....well, she's already been divorced, so she must not be a good woman.
2007-03-23 05:15:53 · answer #7 · answered by Littlemissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As one wise person said, the grass may be greener but it has dog poop on it, too.
Boring people are bored.
Try asking someone to keep the kids for a weekend and plan a trip away, just the two of you. You do all of the planning. It will be great!
2007-03-23 05:18:38 · answer #8 · answered by jazz41 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not greener...it's the same kind of grass that you are currently standing in.
I suggest working on your marriage. If you leave your husband for this other man, you are going to discover that he's just a regular man like all the rest. Right now it's exciting and he's wonderful and everything that your husband isn't. But trust me, you'll see the truth eventually.
2007-03-23 05:10:12 · answer #9 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The grass is always greener, but if you are truly unhappy it isn't fair to stay in the relationship. If you are bored, let him know and see if you can spice things up. Try going on a vacation without the kids and do things you wouldn't normally do with him and see if that helps reunite the passions.
2007-03-23 05:07:40 · answer #10 · answered by mfupipoet 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋