As a child I was molested by a relative, became secretly pregnant when I was 13 and then suffered a miscarrage. At 16 I got involved in a sexually abusive relationship. After a second pregnancy that had to be aborted for medical reasons. Then I became involved with the man who is now my husband. I love him dearly but he says that I always use my rape to compare against him. I think the world of him. If all you've ever known was pain caused by the men in your life, how do you learn to trust. Counseling has never helped, I've been in therapy many times. My husband is kind and gentle with me, never pushing me into anything (very patient man) but my past keeps rearing its ugly head. I am trying to trust him the best I can, I am just afraid of losing him. I'm afraid he will lose patience with me and go somewhere else for the things I can't give him. We have a good sex life. We can usually manage about 3 times a week but it seems like not enough for him, please help
2007-03-23 04:37:39 · 9 answers · asked by lydia manning 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Go to your local book store and purchase a copy of The Adult Survivors of Incest Guide, as well as a copy of a DBT workbook. Take your time going thru them, keep a journal, and try to discover for yourself what emotional triggers are affecting your marriage. If your husband is as caring, loving, and patient as you say he is, he will do his best to refrain from any of your identified triggers. You may never get over what happened to you in the past, but try to keep telling yourself that it is in the past, and that you are safe now, with a man who loves you unconditionally. You need to decide if you are going to continue being a victim, or are you ready to let go and become a survivor............It's YOUR CHOICE. Good Luck.
2007-03-23 07:45:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The memories you have will never go away. You just have to learn to overcome them. I'd say try marriage counseling instead of therapy for the rape. That way, your husband will hear everything about how you feel and learn to understand your feelings better. Also, he will be able to help you overcome your feelings. Marriage counseling will help you and your husband with learning a more effective way to communicate. It will help alot.
2007-03-23 06:38:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever tried counseling with your husband maybe that will help because he can never fully understand what you went through and what you are still going through. Maybe you never really came to terms on what happened to you and before you can heal what is going on in your marriage you have to heal yourself. In my opinion if he loves you, you shouldn't be afraid of losing him because that love that he has for you should overcome all of that he should want to see you heal from these wounds that is what marriage is supposed to be about helping each other through the storms
2007-03-23 04:51:22 · answer #3 · answered by Jasmine B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor thing...you have deep emotional scars. Perhaps your therapist wasn't the best. Try again. You (& your husband) are worth it. I've known many folks who've overcome terrible emotional traumas by having the RIGHT therapist. You need to get past all the bad stuff & put it to rest before you can enjoy all the good stuff life has to offer. Good luck.
2007-03-23 04:56:34 · answer #4 · answered by napqueen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well maybe there is some one out here in the medical world that can help you but mainly it ,the help will come from you.What trust issues are you having?Men in general?Can't be for you married one.If you have it in you to marry someone who you say is good to you why can't you treat him the way he treats you ?How hard is it to show kindness to someone who has shown kindness to you ?No matter how long he is good to you ,no matter how short the relationship may turn out to be the fact is he's good to you now so be good back to him.
2007-03-23 04:47:14 · answer #5 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try 2 forget your past to b able 2 live in the future with the man u love so dont destroy your life or his think about how 2 make him happier more than thinking of your bad memories and b sure that when the person u love is happy u will feel the same .
2007-03-23 04:51:17 · answer #6 · answered by catroza 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ok i know i'm young since i am 14 but what u went through is tough and well i know u think highly of your husband but u do have sex 3 times a week and well marriage is more than sex it seems to me he just wants sex so talk to him and ask him why isn't it enough and well he did marry you so if he leaves u its because he didn't love u or because it's for the better
2007-03-23 04:48:12 · answer #7 · answered by ~*GIRPOP*~ 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hunny i went through the same **** my dad used to beat me and i was raped at 15, i got to admit it never goes but i am with a great man now but i do the same to him you aint alone hunny i went to counselling but it did not work. you need to work on yourself. and only you know how. i did it will never go and that is just how it is but you need to comes to terms with that. i did! if you need to chat get in contact with me! try and talk to your husband tell him everything he sounds like a decent man he is your husband so try using him as your confidant. i felt the same way about loosing my man but i think its important to see things from his point of view as well. my man told me that he felt hurt about what happend to me and he didnt know how to show it. good luck hunny and remeber to contact me if yuo want to chat just go to my profile. take care! remeber you are not alone! oh and abotu the sex everyman is like that my man is the same but just tell him that sometimes you would prefer to just talk or cuddle together he should understand you have the rest of yourlives to make love!
2007-03-23 04:48:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 times a week isn't enough for him?
how about telling him OH WELL TOO BAD!
he sounds selfish to me.
2007-03-23 04:44:53 · answer #9 · answered by Cornell is Hot! 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋