how is it that some women let them get off easy?

Question

i am talking about the women i see complain on this forum and in everday life. how in the world do you complain if you dit not take the required steps to get the child support for your kids. and if you did how in the world did you not get your child's fair share. i for one pay my child support faithfully regardless of how unreasonable it may seem trust me i am not the only one who thinks 800 a month for 1 child is. but like i was saying i think the system is def pro women so how can it be sum men can get off so easilt while men like me want to support their kids get shafted. A nd for the women who do recieve cs, do you really think you should have no accountability . i am very cautious how i spend my money and know where every little bit goes except for the 800 a month i have been ordered to hand over so i have just sum it up to i did my part whatever she does with it its her biz. i am not sayng you have to tell me just saying there should be sum type of accountability.

Answer 1

I, as a woman, agree with you. I was raised by my father. My mother paid no support for 3 children.

Here is my own opinion. I was a single mother. I never went after child support because in my eyes I was just as much "at fault", for lack of a better phrase, for having a child as he was so it was just as much my responsibilty to take care of her. What I really don't agree with is when you have a mother on welfare who keeps raising child support so she can pay her bills. That is not what child support is legally for, it is to supplement the mothers income to HELP support the child, not support the entire family. I think if a woman is on welfare for longer then 2 yrs and the father has been gainfully employed the entire time then he should gain custody of said child. Of course with proper parenting and visitation time in place for the mother.

I agree, for the most part the system is pro mother and it's sad. There are so many cases out there of mothers not being the best or safest choice for a child but the father has no rights to change the situation. They ask for the child to live at the standard of living if they were with the parent who was better off. The only way to do that is to have the child physically in that environment.

Fair treatment for both would also involve a fair out for a father if he didn't want a child and was "trapped" into having one. A woman gets the choice of an abortion or adoption, what choices does a father have? Obviously abortion is not an option for fathers so they should have some other recourse to cut the ties to that child. Harsh? Yes. Oh well, women have been fighting for fair and equal treatment yet only want it when it suits them.

If the courts actually cared about the child instead of what their cut of the support payments would be then this wouldn't be an issue at all, for either moms or dads. And yes, every Friend of the Court and County system gets a portion of support that is paid, it does not all go to the payee.

Answer 2

I have a friend with a 12 yr old. She took the father to court immediately after the baby was born. Her initial child support was (and this is no joke!)....$20 a week! This guy worked full time making $15/hr, lived with his mom and had no other kids. Now after 12 years and countless times taking him back to court she still barely gets 300/ month. Trust me I know that most people get a decent amount ordered (but that doesn't mean they get it) but there are times that the judge seems to want to punish the mother...such as in my friends case. It's not always a matter of letting them off easy.

Answer 3

Unfortunately some men work off the books so we can not prove how much they make. They then get off with paying maybe $20.00 a month. On the other hand some women unfortunately use their child support money for everything but their child. You can easily find both men and women doing wrong but I admire you for doing the right thing when it comes to your child.

Answer 4

I know what you mean about support being too much. I have a buddy who is divorced. 2 kids = $1,300 a month. Wow. I know kids are expensive, but not $650 a piece each month. And his ex says, "I just don't know where all the money goes."

Answer 5

I would be more than happy to show how I spend the child support...that is, if the dead beat would ever pay. He owes me $62,000. My hope is that he wins the Lotto so that I will get a big check. That would be my child's college and a down payment on her first house.

Answer 6

I'M CLOSER A "THEE" BRO.

but nevertheless you are right when you say
the courts are for the women and never if you lived
with them would evr have that much to spend on a
child on average cases.

when you say they let those others off while
paying partners get the shaft yooooooor rite!

you see my brother its true " YOU ONLY HURT THE ONE YOU LOVE" They want you in pain because they think they
deserved you and you didn't take the bait
those others they never wanted and could care less what they do or who they doit with
I've taken care of many other mens babies while with those women but as soon as I made that BABIES MOMMA MY BABIES MOMMA!!! I need child support!! If you loved this child you would be with me!!!
So its evident that they hate you because you were the best thing that came into their life!!!!

Don't be angry my brother thats a plus in letting me know you were the REAL MAN in her life. and all her friends and family and the courts KNOW IT!!!!

YOUDAMAN CUZ!!

Answer 7

i actually understand what ur trying to say..although its a tad bit confusing the way u have laid it out up there.

i do think that women should have some accountablity for sure, but its hard bc.. we pay for rent, food, cloths,,doc appts, sport activities, and much more... and im sure that ur 800.00 a month goes toward ALL those expenses..
i know and understand ur frusteration tho..i do.

Answer 8

Well, how much of your hard earned money would go to the child if you and the mom were still together?

What makes handing over 800 a month is that you're not together and you don't have custody of the child. You have doubts as to where that hard earned cash might be going...I mean, will ALL 800 bucks go to the child and the child's upkeep and nothing else?

As a human being who works for a living, I can udnerstand the resentment some fathers feel.

But as a woman, I know that all too often, men get women pregnant and get off scott free without contributing one cent to the welfare of the child. Women have born the brunt of child rearing for centuries. The scales of justice have only started to be tipped in the woman's favor.

Women to be fair, should be accountable and not look at child support as supplemental income. It's "CHILD SUPPORT" and should be deemed as such. But tragically, kids get placed in the middle as unwitting pawns and the poor things end up with prices on their heads as their parents wage war.

If I were you, I'd work on letting go of your purse strings. This is, afterall, your child that you're talking about. You could pay less, but would that make you feel better? What are you more resentful of in this case.....making sure your child--your flesh and blood gets support? Or that it HAS to go through your ex in order for your child to get it?

Figure that out and then try to resolve that issue. Don't deny your child because you can't stand his mother.

Good luck

Answer 9

how about the system being pro child. but usually the woman gets full custody of the child. so naturally, you being the man, who has to pay support, says it pro woman. if your going to complain about it, go get custody, then tell us how your making out with it.

Answer 10

spoken like a true military man!

Answer 11

For one, It is very hard to get child support when you are trying to obtain a divorce. My state law requires me to only have one case out at a time. This means that I have to choose to stay married and pursue child support. He was paying voluntary child support ($800month for 2 kids) and that always fluxuated depending on his mood and after I had to call on him to get it done. Not to mention b/c there was no court order, and he "volunteered" (trapping me in the marriage so he could keep his girlfriend) that I can't have the child support enforced. He lives in a different state b/c of his career and the law protects him from getting a divorce from me. He is moving on with his life, playing games while I am pretty much stuck raising and taking care of our children on my own w/ my family's help (thank God the kids have that). So please do not come off like we get it easy. Money isn't the only thing it takes to raise children. It costs time, sweat and tears on top of money. Usually the one paying the child support doesn't have to worry about daycare, when the child gets ill, soccer practice, after school activities. ALL that is apart of parenting not just MONEY.