I never call it my first time, even though it was the first time a man "entered" me, my unwillingness, unpleasantness of the memory, and the awkwardness of telling someone makes me select the next time, when I chose to do it...
Is this wrong/lying? I feel guilty about it, but also feel it depends on perspective of what "first time" means...
What do you think?
Thanks
2007-03-23 04:01:27 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
this happened many years ago, my husband knows all about it, he was the one who helped me through it, but it just still bothers me - thanks for all your reassurance!
2007-03-23 04:39:48 · update #1
this actually happened several years ago now, I just still feel guilty about it - thanks for all your reassurances!
Also, my hubby knows all about it, he was my best friend when it happened...
2007-03-23 04:41:34 · update #2
No, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Rape is not sex, its violent crime. You have every right to disregard the rape as a sexual encounter. When you CHOSE to have sex the first time, its was your choice, and you should reflect on it as your "first" time. The rape is entirelly another matter, and was in no way your fault. Don't feel guilty about it, my dear-that gives power to your rapist. Own your choice, and forget the guilt-its not lying at all, and anyone who says it is, hasnt been through it
2007-03-23 04:09:24 · answer #1 · answered by beebs 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I think its personal, and you should only tell someone when you feel comfortable.
I thought I was a virgin when I got married, 7 years into marriage I found out my biological father had had a good time with me when I was 2. I considered myself a virgin and my husband loves me, he never divorced me or hated me. He said it explained a lot of stuff about me that he didnt understand.
I see from other questions you have asked that you are already married with children, at this point in your life its a memory that needs to be healed. I had DID (disassociative identity disorder) it comes from traumatic events, often you remember traumatic things years later (starts from around 30 years old) and then you start dealing with them.
Im a Christian, I went to my pastor who prayed with me and helped me deal with me - so I didnt have to feel suicidal or be on any more antidepressants.
2007-03-23 11:09:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same dilema, and I do NOT count it as my first time. Honestly when anyone says anything along those lines to me, I get very upset. My current bf asked me about my past experience, and then a couple of months later I told him what had happened to me. He made a side comment about that being a horrible way to lose your virginity and I screamed. I did not lose my virginity to a rapist, I lost my virginity on my time, when I felt comfortable. I believe that I had totally control over the lose of my virginity,
2007-03-23 11:14:51 · answer #3 · answered by Dani 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all i have compassion for your situation,how is your
spirit,because maybe not physically none of us can get it
back,but have you completely heal where you no longer
let it destroy who you are?because if you can say no,then
sex should be at the bot ton of the list.because to completely
love you have to "Whole" which means complete,with your
emotion,spirit,and mental or you will be bringing pain into
every sexual or relationship encounter and never give
yourself the love you deserve.just think about it because
you can move past that and never look back and still
get the satisfaction and love you truly deserve. God bless
your soul sista,and may love of god remove any burden
that may hinder you from moving on,that Jesus send you
angels to manifest in her life as she read right now Oh,god
in Jesus name Amen.
2007-03-23 11:17:17 · answer #4 · answered by Tella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
technically that was your first time....but I think most guys would understand and its something that you shouldnt lie about......if your with a guy you like tell him what happened. Its. Even though its something you dont like talking about you still need to be honest with people when they ask you if your a virgin because you arent. Hope this helps and im sorry to here that something like that happened to you. There are a lot of sick people out there....
2007-03-23 11:08:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt say I was a virgin anymore, but you could say that this would be your first time. Because your "first time" is something that should be willingly and with someone you love. NOT by means of force. Sorry to hear about your tragic experience. Good luck
2007-03-23 11:06:55 · answer #6 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Physically, you are no longer a virgin. But in the ways that matter--emotionally, mentally, spiritually--you are absolutely still a virgin. You needn't feel guilty at all, what happened was a crime, not a sexual adventure.
2007-03-23 11:09:28 · answer #7 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about this being considered your "first time." Instead, you need to consider seeking some help. Go talk to a trained professional about this. You may feel fine, but there are deeper issues now in play in your life.
2007-03-23 11:06:24 · answer #8 · answered by scp98k 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not have to feel guilty about it hun.Im sorry u have to go through it.As for your answer...It is ok for u not to choose that for your first time as u were not willing.Your first time would be when u did it with your own will and want.This is not wrong or lying.Please don't feel inferior about it.Just forget it as a bad nightmare...as if it never happened.good luck...u r in my prayers
2007-03-23 11:06:04 · answer #9 · answered by Beautiful 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
honey you been through hell and it is ok to think of it as your first time.sex should always be a mutual decision and you didnt make that choice.dont lie to anyone about it after all when you choose to take the plunge it will be the first time you make love
2007-03-23 11:13:45 · answer #10 · answered by wolfsjumping 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋