Are me and my wife too different?

Question

Me and my wife are so different. We like different music (i like everything and she likes hip hop), have a different outlook on every issue( im a bit more conservative), want to raise kids differently(i want them in safe neighborhhod and she wants to stay in the city) and have a different outlook on what our marriage should be. I really love her and most of the time dont mind the differences but sometimes its all too much to deal with. She is now pregnant and i really want to keep my family together, but i just dont think we will ever see eye to eye. What do i do?

I have no plans on leaving her. It is just difficult when I want our kids in a good neighborhood, where they are safe and can get a good education and she is fighting me on it. Also it sucks when i have cut all temptations out of my life and she is still in the need to flirt and get attention from men at work. But thanks for calling me an asshole. I guess if i was a real man i would let her have sex with other guys and screw up my kids...thanks for the advice

I am the one who is urban. I grew up in one of the worst neighborhoods in Buffalo and went to the city schools. She grew up in the suburbs and went to suburban schools. I make good money now and want my kids to have a better opportunity then me. So your view on her being "urban" is wrong. The only thing she knows about life in the city is what she saw on MTV growing up

Answer 1

being different from each other may not be a bad thing-shes everything your not and vice versa-HOWEVER you only have your childrens best interest at heart and she should understand this-Try and sit her down and find out why shes fighting you on these topics-there may be a bigger problem that maybe you can solve with counseling-you shouldnt feel like its hopeless and that you are always wrong

Answer 2

Well, it's too bad you didn't figure this out before you got married and had a baby on the way. Well, I'd say if you're both truly concerned about your relationship, and your coming soon baby, then seek counseling. A therapist or even a trusted non-bias friend can be a great mediator, to help put things into perspective for both of you. Music, politics, and things of that sort aren't such a big deal, but how and where, you raise a child is a very BIG deal! You need to share all these uneasy feelings with her. Simple fact is this.... marriage is all about compromise, and working things out. Maybe you could do some things her way in a trade off for moving to a more secure and quiet area, with good schools for the sake of the child. Let's face it we live in a sick, demented, violent world and we need to do whatever it takes to protect our kids. Good Luck, and remember through it all that you married her because you loved her, no matter your differences. Hope you can work it out.

Answer 3

You don't have to be the same in order to enjoy each other. That just makes it more interesting. There was obviously something that attracted you in the first place. You guys should sit down and talk through some of these differences and come to an agreement. I think your wife will change her mind about what neighborhood to raise the kids in when they get to be school aged. Perhaps, when the baby starts kindergarten would be the time to make your way to a safer neighborhood?

Answer 4

John I think you're just getting cold feet. You are looking at it the wrong way. Her differences are to be embraced and celebrated. You guys will have a lot to talk about, compare and even disagree about. If you are not too stubburn you will learn much from this women over time and the same with her about you. As your marriage grows, you will likely begin to take on more of her thinking and she yours. It's an enlightenment or it can be. One word of caution... the arguments where you both draw a line in the sand can be brutal!
Hang in there, give it some time dude, you have a kid on the way now.
WHOOAAAAA, you neglected to mention earlier that your girl was a ho, who likes to flirt with other guys. That changes things 180 mutha phuckin degrees!(Samuel jackson voice).
You got some problems. Different is one thing, ho'ing and disrespectin a n1qqa is something tottaly different. I'm black, so I'm allowed to drop a N bomb here and there. :-)
Good Luck with that man.

Answer 5

Try and come to common ground. IF she wants to live in the city and you want to be out of it... Find somewhere close by but not directly in the city, somewhere you can both feel safe. Being in a relationship is HARD WORK, you really have to compromise and sometimes give up on little things that really dont bother you that much... Like music. She likes hip hop, but you like everything... So when driving in a car together, just listen to hip hop so both of you are ok with it. I dont think its too much to deal with at all.
Just remember, NOTHING worth having is ever easy. Good luck

Answer 6

Well, opposites do attract, which is probably why you are together. Probably the best solution for you all right now, is to go to counseling, maybe a 3rd party can help you all find a medium on where to live, and etc... As far as the flirting and things like this, you have just grown up faster than her, having a baby will probably change alot of the differences you all have. Hopefully, she will be one of the woman who have a child and then grows up fast. She will probably grow to want the same things you do for her children, such as safe neighborhood. Alot of people don't like the idea of going to a counselor and want to solve things on their own, but try it. It will help your marriage and family, I promise. Good luck.

Answer 7

Different tastes in music, food, art... that sort of stuff is not a big deal.

Different desires for the family, how to raise kids, different values in what's truly important... those are deal breakers. Because there's no way to truly compromise on weighty issues such as these, one person will win and the other will lose... which builds resentment and means both of you really lose in the end.

If you knew you had such divergent outlooks on what mattered in life, why on earth did you marry?

Now that you're bringing a child into this, you're stuck. If she will not come around to your way of thinking, you're going to have to just deal with it, do things her way, and be there to raise your child. Don't have another child, and when this one is 18 years old, you can leave.

Will you be miserable? Possibly. But you owe it to your child to be there.

On a more positive note, women sometimes change dramatically when they become a mother. Different things become important, like the safety of the child, raising it in the best circumstances, etc. Perhaps her ideals will line up better with yours once that baby is laid in her arms.

Answer 8

The good thing is that you really love her. I would advise sitting down with her and having a discussion regarding how you plan to raise your child. You will both have to be willing to do some give and take but it is best to come up with a plan now then argue about it when the baby is here. Everyone changes over time and as long as you are both willing to compromise I am sure you can have a happy life.

Answer 9

You know the obvious, you should have discussed all this before you said "I DO". Now you have to get through to her that marriage is a series of compromises and since you two don't see eye to eye on where to raise your child you need to talk about it and come to a happy medium. It's not fair she says no and expects it to be her way. She has a partner in life and must respect that if she wants her marriage to work. Sit down and have this discussion with her now, it only gets harder when the baby comes. Good luck and congrats on the baby.

Answer 10

You know what? You can talk and talk and talk to each other about what you THINK you want to happen but things happen the way that God wants them to. And no matter how much you plan, it just doesn't work that way. So try not to worry so much about how you think things should be and live RIGHT NOW. You are going to be a dad and the most important thing you two have in common is that you LOVE EACH OTHER. Who cares about the stupid stuff like music and crap like that. Things will work out. Just be patient and try to keep an open mind.

Answer 11

Some of these issues really should have been worked out before you were married and decided to start having kids. You need to find a way to compromise...if you really don't want to raise your kids in the city (although plenty of people do it with no prob) you need to sit down with her and discuss this and let her know the exact reason(s) you don't. And then listen to her and what she has on why she does. You need to find a happy medium for the both of you.