Me and my husband have been happily married for 8 years.We had 2 kids, one 4 the other 6.Three months ago my younger son Jordon passed away from cancer and it just about killed me.I wasn't dealing at all and left town a month after the funeral to stay with an ex-boyfriend to get myself together,leaving my husband and 6 yr old on their own.I was incredibly messed up and had a affair with said ex.I stayed with the ex for 3 months because I just couldn't deal with being at home where everything reminded me of my son.I came home last week and although my son was overjoyed to see me,my husband has barely said a word to me since I left.He begged me to come home whenever I called but and now it seems it's too late and he can't forgive me for leaving and the affair.I was really messed up and wasn't thinking clearly.I confessed and he wants a divorce.How do I make him see how sorry I am?
2007-03-23 03:23:48 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if u were so unhappy -you should have seperated-cheating is a serious issue with most people and if u were so unhappy why do u want him to forgive you??? u need to really sit and think about your question and answer those questions yourself. most people lose trust - i hope he stays away from you
2007-03-23 03:28:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes what is done cannot be undone. I'm sure you'd agree that your behavior is a huge pill to swallow, even under the circumstance . I mean, if I were him, I couldn't do it, while I might try to understand, I could never forget and 3 months of abandonment while being in the bed of an ex...wow! How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Sorry but, I believe that it's more than I could handle. I'd probably be filing for divorce too. It is probably time to decide how best to move all this forward, living independent lives while parenting the child left behind.
More importantly, what about the remaining child. This kid doesn't need this drama... brother gone, mother an emotional train wreck, parents in a state of getting a divorce. This is an emotional disaster for a six-year old child. Instead of being so self-absorbed, you need to focus your energy on the well being of your kid. That doesn't mean staying married, it just means getting on with life in a manner that is supportive and stable to the childs life. Maybe that even means you give up custody? There are plenty of well adjusted kids coming from divorced homes. You need to be sure that your kid is one of them.
You set the table, so stop feeling so sorry for yourself. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
2007-03-23 04:20:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear of your lost, loosing a child would be the most painful thing that could ever happen to me. I don't want to pass judgment on you during your time of crisis. I imagine that if I lost a child that all my rational thinking could go out the window too. I would tell your husband how sorry you are, and pray to God that he finds it in his heart to forgive and forget, he may not, but comfort him now, no matter what he decides to do about the marriage, as he lost a child too, and you need each other more than ever. You can make him see how sorry you are by being a true friend to him, and letting him know how truly apologetic you are about your bad decision, you just needed to find a vice to cope, and you thought the ex was a copying vice, some people drink and do drugs, this was your coping mechanism, and it was not a good choice. Once again so sorry, this is sad, all around for ever one involved.
2007-03-23 03:45:05 · answer #3 · answered by Maria A. 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I realize you were going through some hard times with just losing a son and you have my sympathy for that. What you don't have my sympathy for, however, is how pathetic you are for using your departed son as an excuse for cheating on your husband. I'm sure it was hard, but you never should have left your husband and other son at home while you went to stay with an ex at a time that they needed you the most. Did you ever think that maybe they were having a hard time dealing with it too and needed some family support? What you did was very selfish. And why did you stay with an ex?! Couldn't you have stayed with your mother or a girlfriend or something? I don't blame him at all for wanting a divorce. You betrayed his trust and your wedding vows. Also, you said the two of you had been "happily" married for eight years. If you have been so "happily" married, you never would have done such a horrible thing. You should be deeply ashamed of yourself.
2007-03-23 03:43:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Look up there at what you typed. You said "my younger son Jordan passed away". You didn't say "our son". Was this his child too? And Jordan's brother....how terrible to lose your little brother like that. God, what those two must have went through. I don't say this to hurt you, you are in enough pain....but you left them when they needed you the most. And you not only left them, but you left for another man. Please understand the magnitude of that.
You and your family have been to hell and back. There is nothing, absolutely nothing harder, nothing that will absolutely break your will to live more than losing a child.
It will not be enough for you to say your are sorry. This is not a question of how sorry you are, and I have no doubts if you could change it all you would. But sorry will not heal the wounds, and god they are deep ones. You can only plead with your husband to try therapy to heal your family. You may talk to him about a trial separation and work to gain his trust again. My prayers are with you dear and I am sorry for all the heartache you have been through. Perhaps your husband is a kind soul and can find a way to work with you to put your family back together again.
2007-03-23 03:55:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for your loss
my opinions...
You left your husband for justified reasons but doesn't make sense to some of us... thus you left, you cheated and you messed up when you should have turned to your husband for support. You did not have to cheat or go to the ex bf..bc it's big world out there ...If he didn't give you moral support or whatever, then perhaps you should/could have turned to your family and then counseling or the pastor of a church or support group...water under the bridge, but there is still the support waiting there to talk with you all about these issues and they have experience with all of them I'm sure.
that said...
We don't know the husband and no way to know if he will forgive you. You can't MAKE him do anything, only time will heal the wounds and scars of cheating, if at all. Maybe he will go with you to whatever counseling you chose..
good luck
2007-03-23 03:37:24 · answer #6 · answered by simon07 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Look when you married your husband, the vows said for good or bad, rich or poor. I am sorry you lost your son to cancer, but your husband lost his son to cancer also. I cannot blame your husband at all. You violated his trust at the time when both of you needed each other the most. You are an extremely weak person, you made your bed, now sleep in it. I hope your husband puts your sorry ass out in the road and gets custody of your other child. An affair is something most men cannot forgive. What you have done is lost the person that probably loved you more than anything. If I were him I would have put your belonging in the trash can a long time ago and told you not to come back.
2007-03-23 03:43:09 · answer #7 · answered by Rooster 1972 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It would seem to me that you left him during the worst time of his life too. You weren't the only parent to lose a child that day, so did he. I don't see how he can forgive you for this. I know I couldn't. Be prepared to lose your other son, because he is going to be given custody considering the fact that you abandoned your second son during the worst time of his life, he lost his brother and soon after his mother. I may sound harsh but I am just stunned. Not only did you leave, I can almost understand that. But to go to an ex boyfriend and then have sex with him. Did this make the pain go away.
How can one person be this selfish and then go on the internet looking for advice.
2007-03-23 07:27:16 · answer #8 · answered by chinamigarden 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all Sorry for your loss... I think that your husband will not forgive you-honestly. I'm not trying to be mean but you're asking strangers for their personal opinion. I trully think what you did was wrong. Leaving your husband & your other child alone to be away with an ex-boyfriend wasn't called for. Sometimes us humans do the craziest things & yes we can definetly be out of our freacking mind. #1 How sorry are you??? #2 How can he trust you again, if you had the gutts to leave both of them seaking comfort somewhere else??? Those are questions that you have to try in finding an answer for. Your family and marriage comes first than anything. Maybe some counceling with your husband will be the first step. If you apologized & he dont want to accept your apology, he has all right to feel the way he feels. I dont blame him. What would you do if you was in your husbands shoes and he left you and your child to find comfort from his ex-girlfriend??? How would you feel if he claims to go away because he dont want to be reminded of his lost son but then again, ended up cheating. It will make you think!!! How hurt he was to lose his son & to cheat. Sex will be the last thing on my freaking mind if I was to lose one of my kids. What kind of woman are you??? How sad we're you to lose your son & to wreck your own marriage??? Sex outside the marriage is not a solution for any types of loses & sadness that occurs in your life. Think about what you did, and ask the proper question.. You shouldn't be asking strangers to solve your marital problems.
2007-03-23 03:55:09 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Lucky Charm♥ 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I`m sorry you are getting so many nasty judgemental responses. It is easy to say "I would never do such a thing" when you are not in such a position (and maybe you wouldn`t).....but until you are in the same awful position this woman was in - how do you know?
It`s obvious that you were in so much pain, that you were trying to run away from the pain, however you could. Was it the right way to run away...well obviously not.
From everything I have heard, the death of a child tests a marriage like nothing else. In an ideal world, the parents grieve together and support each other through everything. Often it seems that people grieve differently, and at different times - which can lead to real problems between a couple.
How do you make him see how sorry you are? I think, by telling him how stupid you were and why....how you were trying to escape feeling about your son. You really need to to tell him how you have come to your senses, and how you realised what you were throwing away.
Good luck
2007-03-23 04:54:10 · answer #10 · answered by psychokitty 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'm afraid that sorry isn't good enough. I know it was an incredible difficult time for you but you should have gone to you husband to help you deal with the grief. Not your ex. I am very sorry for your loss but I think that you went over the line. I wouldn't forgive you in you husband's place. But if he is willing, I would suggest some SERIOUS counseling.
2007-03-23 03:32:29 · answer #11 · answered by Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋