Told Boyfriend that I had abortion when I was 16....now he is shocked..?

Question

Am 28yrs old. Have 2 kids from prior 8yr relationship. Abusive relationship, so I left. Have custody of both kids. Father has visitation on weekend.
Am now with very respective, boyfriend from a good religious family, for almost 1 1/2 years now. Talk about marriage soon. (!) Something came on last night about the controversy about showing pregnant mothers the videos of thier baby's fetus, so that they are more informed and have it as a requirement before they have an abortion. We got to talking because of this, and eventually he asked me if I had one (suspicious?) I said yes. It was when I was 15-16. Had sex early, got pregnant, parents were behind me after we considered other options, and mom took me to have an abortion. Made mistakes, horrible mistakes when I was young. Now boyfriend is shocked and acting weird around me since last night.......... What do I say.......I really dont know.

Answer 1

Ask him if this truly affects his feelings for you, and make sure he knows thatthis is something you chose to do when you were young and had support and that you suffered with your decision but ou did what you believed was right. If he loves you he will understand, its not like you did anything to him and he should not judge you or make you feel bad, hopefully he is just a little shocked because of his upbringing.

Answer 2

It depends. The thing is that, you obviously have different beliefs. Let me say this and I am not judging you in any way. I am just telling you how he is possibly thinking. I personally do not believe in abortion. If I was with someone and found out that they had an abortion, I would have to re evaluate the situation because you want to be with someone that has basically the same kind of beliefs that you have. He is probably also feeling a little betrayed that you have been together for a year and a half and that you haven't told him. I am sure that it is not something that you want to talk about, but in a year and half, you should have probably already told him. Just give him some time to adjust and think things through. Think about how you would feel if you were with someone that did something that you were against strongly. Maybe he is also wondering if you got pregnant with his child if you would have an abortion, who knows? There is no telling what he is thinking. Maybe you should tell him why you made that decision and how you felt afterwards. I would say also that if he is very religious and you aren't, then you may want to re evaluate your relationship because this will cause problems in your future. I am not saying that you are not religious, don't get me wrong! Good luck.

Answer 3

Give him some time to digest the information, then talk to him about it.

An abortion, as I'm sure you are aware, is a major decision. Sometimes it takes people a while to accept that someone they love, perhaps someone they have thought about having children with, chose an abortion. It may also be simply that he is absorbing the fact that you had SUCH a huge decision to make when you were just a child yourself.

Let him think about it for a day or so, then talk to him about it. Ask what he's thinking, what he's feeling. The only sure way to keep a relationship together is for both parties to communicate openly and honestly.

My only suggestion, really, would be not to apologize. You made the best decision you could at the time with the information you had available to you. There is no need to apologize for that, and if he wants you to, it's probably time to move on.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I think it is wrong to show women ultrasound and pictures of unborn babies, that is emotional blackmail and that is not cool at all. Although im against abortion, u had your reasons and it was so far back in the past, im sure it was tough to tell him that seein as how he is religious and stuff. U have nothing to be ashamed of, u were 15 and now are 28, u have done a lot of growing up in that time and there is no reason for him to hold that against u. Put it to him this way, if u had that child, u would not have your 2 kids and u would not be with him....then see what he says.

Answer 5

So many people have pointed out that he could be anti-abortion. Just thought I'd mention the chance that he loves you terribly, and is rather sad to think about what could've been -- with the idea that he would've loved any kid you'd had as much as he loves you.

Let him get over the shock; if he has a genuine problem for it...well, you might have the wrong boyfriend.

Answer 6

you said he's from a religious family. that's probably your answer. either he can't handle it or he's afraid his family won't accept it. many who claim to be very religious forget about the forgiveness aspect. you were young and made mistakes. you did the right thing for you. if you can deal with it then so should he. talk to him again and tell him what you said here. ask him what why he's acting weird now. it may just take him some time to get used to the idea or it may be more than he can handle. either way, you need to find out b/c your relationship won't go much further if he won't let you know. best of luck. i hope all works out.

Answer 7

He has to process this news and then decide if it is something he can live with. Unfortunately all you can do is wait. Not all relationships are strong enough to handle something like this especially if his views on abortion are way different than yours. If he can't get over it then you will be better off in the long run. You don't need to stay in a relationship where he is always going to be holding your past mistakes against you. If he can't move past it then you will be better off without him.

Answer 8

Apparently your boyfriend has strong feelings against abortion. He should not hold this against you, though. It happened a long time ago, and you made the best decision you could at the time. Give him some space, and maybe in a day or so ask him what's going on with him so you two can talk it out.

Answer 9

The Truth??? If he can't except you for who you are, and what has made you who you are he isn't worth your time. That is a big part of yuor life, an event that has molded you into who you are today. Without that you may not even be that same person you are today. He needs to get over that if he really loves you like it must say he does. You made a mistake that millions of yound girls to, it's not like you ar ethe only one in the world! g/l to you and I hope everything works out for ya!! :)

Answer 10

Honestly, I think its nothing to act weird about. People have their own lives and own decisions. If you wanted to have an abortion then thats your choice. He shouldnt act weird about that, especially if that was YEARRS back and you were only 15-16 and its not like you were aborting HIS child. I dont think he should be bothered by it. Maybe he is acting like that because hes been with you for a while, and its something he never knew about...