me and my husband got married in november 2006 then found out i was pregnant but within days of finding out i lost the baby and our relationship isnt the same we dont sleep in the same bed as eachother he'd rather fall insleep in our sons room and when i wake him he just turns ova and goes bk to sleep.we hardly spk and when we do it ends in an arguement.he comes home from work and just ignores me we dont do anything together or as a family coz hes always tired i need some advice its makin me wanna give up on my marriage or am i just being silly
2007-03-23 02:35:03 · 19 answers · asked by sweetcheeksbrandonrob 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds like the trauma of losing the baby is hurting your marriage. men, being men, don't always like to show emotion bc they think it makes them seem weak. this is a terrible loss and so early on in your married life. maybe you should find the time to sit down quietly together and discuss the pain of the loss of a baby and let him know that he is hurting you by his behavior. there may be the possibility that he is angry with you, thinks somehow what happened is your fault, (which you and i and everyone else knows it isn't.) if that's the case, you need to straighten him out. i'm sure there is love there, you are just going thru a rough time right now. marriage really has its good and bad times and the bad times make your relationship stronger. try to work thru this and maybe hold off on trying for another baby until this is all resolved and you get to the bottom of his issues. hang in there girl, you have another child to think about and you don't want to be a divorce statistic. get to the bottom of this......today!! good luck
2007-03-23 02:46:33 · answer #1 · answered by just curious 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you said you have a son with your husband, I say work on the marriage. Youre not being silly to think that there are serious problems with the relationship at this time but all things can work out. Go to counseling. Dont expect him to make the call, you'll have to set it up.
Good luck. Every kid deserves a chance at having both parents in the same house but its much better if the parents are an example of how loving parents act.
p.s. I am so sorry about the baby. Take care of yourself!
2007-03-23 09:54:37 · answer #2 · answered by Peg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you are having problem with him hun :(
I am engaged and have no children. But I want children more than anything in my life. I imagine that losing the child could be very hard for him to deal with. Men deal with things in strange ways. Maybe he saw how it hurt you and so he doesn't want to sleep in the same bed, have sex, and have you end up going through a miscarriage again.
I'm a very outspoken girl but I realized it's not always a good thing.
My best advice is to get rid of any anger you're feeling before you talk about it with him. Then when you think you can approach him, just tell him how you feel. And he's a guy, so don't make it hard to figure out what you're saying. But DO offer to take some of the "blame". It does take two to make it work and he will be more likely to talk about it if he thinks it's not just him. Men don't like being verbally attacked. Maybe tell him "I love you so much, and I'm afraid maybe I haven't been showing you that. I need you, I need to be close to you, and I care so much about you. Something is different between us and I really miss how things used to be. What can I do to make it better?"
If he doesn't give a good response, give him a day or two to bring the subject up on his own.
If he doesn't, then suggest counseling (for both of you).
Good luck! :)
2007-03-23 09:51:07 · answer #3 · answered by Niki from Indiana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey I know how your feeling. But, I got pregnant before we were married, and during our schools. After he went home on leave I was still going to be there for 2 more weeks. My last weekend there, I went out with two guys that I trusted, and they spiked my drink, raped me, and I lost the baby.
When we finally were reunited here in virginia. We got married, and I got pregnant again. This time I am still pregnant. But, he constantly would throw up in my face that it was my fault that I lost the baby because I should've listened to him and stayed in my room the whole entire time we weren't together.
I was 16 weeks pregnant when I left him. And it was over trust issues. He couldn't stand me wearing make-up especially when he found pictures on the computer with me wearing make up and he went off. He brought up how it was my fault that I lost our first child, and that I was a lying cheating tramp and blah blah blah. And threw me into the wall. The 2 weeks before this incident he didn't touch me, didn't try to hold me or anything.
Please be careful when dealing with him. And if he ever touches you leave. Don't listen when he says sorry, because once he hits you just think, that the next time could be worse. Don't let him sugar talk you back. My husband tried that, and I stood firm and said no. Now he's just fine without me, and ignoring the fact that I am still carrying his daughter that he wanted sooooooo bad and the daughter his family wanted.
Just be careful. Your not being silly your being human.
2007-03-23 09:54:52 · answer #4 · answered by Torey♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, you are having issues so you are not just being silly. You need to communicate! Try to see what is going on with your husband. Don't get mad, even if what your husband tells you upsets you. Try to be understanding, so that when he does get bothered by something again, he will feel more comfortable talking to you about it. You guys need to be friends. Be there for each other. Don't give up so soon.
2007-03-23 09:41:18 · answer #5 · answered by luvmrtnz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think the best thing is for the two of you to sit down and talk about it. Newly couples are supposed to be happy. Losing a baby is not the end of the marriage but rather the beginning.
if you think the two of you cannot sit down to talk about it then i think you should consult a marriage counselor who can help solve the problem. All the best.
2007-03-23 09:57:08 · answer #6 · answered by spankybee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what do you guys do on his day off?
how old are you guys?
there has to be something to it than just that,, unless the only reason you got married is beause you were pregnant..if you trully love eachother it will work out, but you two have to help. i think all new couples stugggle kinda like that for the 1st yr...i also got married last yr. on july to be exacly...and i thought i didnt like our marriage, after i explained my husband all this , we stopped acting stupid and decided to make it work...by just loving eachother more. is not exacly allways good to cuddle when you sleep with someone space in bed is ok too, sit and watch a movie together someting he wants to watch and enjoy it, learn to like it so you guys have more in common and things to talk about...there more to just being inlove and getting married and thinking that you will be happy for ever,,,that is a big lie....things will happen and you just got to make it work....if you guys truly love eachother and cant be without....it will work out ..one way or another ..good luck!!
enjoy life ..and enjoy your marriage.
xoxox
2007-03-23 10:44:19 · answer #7 · answered by Stinky007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have an unresolved issue...your miscarriage. You both have to sit down and discuss your feelings about it...you are newly married and are still adjusting...to have a loss just adds to mix. I know when I miscarried I needed him more than anything to get through it...are you feeling resentful for lack of support? Tell him so and go from there...good luck, hon...it's not easy, but oh, so worth it.
2007-03-23 09:44:10 · answer #8 · answered by mrs O 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I don't find it silly maybe you and your husband should take a break for awhile and see if you miss each other like crazy if so get back together and try for another baby but if you can't their is always the idea of adoption. I hope it all works out for you!
2007-03-23 09:40:58 · answer #9 · answered by Jordyn N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is obviously having problems with the loss of the child. He should go to counseling. Does he blame you? You need to find out. Give counseling some time and if nothing changes, maybe it's time to move on.
2007-03-23 09:38:47 · answer #10 · answered by Jewel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋