How is this poem.......................?

Question

What do you think about it and how can I improve it?

A stream flows from the writer's mind
through pen unto his paper
thoughts pass steady as morning light
through obstructing branches
for something lost
hidden deep down in murkiness
he searches the heavenly clouds
and the deepest oceans
the exotic wilderness of the human mind
lush, rich and evergreen throughout winter

Beneath the bushes he scours,
to find many missing songs
the cloud rains its words
heart is drawn in letters
shakes, the tree, of its green and dying leaves
mountains turned to reveal its unpleasant side
but a perfumy scent marks an uplifting taste
he rids of his piercing thorns
and hundreds of blossoming flowers

Its feelings pour unto the paper,
washing it of its emptiness
All that was hidden has unveiled itself
paper drinks elixir from the writer's heart
Writer's soul manifests itself on a piece of paper
reincarnated, it lives
A dull paper is now the writer,
Fallen rose finally blooms
in a new horizon's sun
melting the ice,
heart emptied out
he hangs himself and dies.

Answer 1

To be honest, I think the metaphors are very laboured and do not compliment one another to create a stronger theme. The general tone and final lines in particular come over as rather self-pitying, which is never interesting and usually has the opposite effect from that the writer intended.

You sound pretty young to me and most people with any kind of literary interest write overly earnest poetry at some time or another. It doesn't mean you won't write good poetry in the future - and if it is genuinely helping you to think through your feelings that's fine - but poetry that truly reaches other people needs more work and more insight.

Possibly you could try writing something that surprises you; whatever, I suspect you need to seek out some genuinely great poetry that touches you then work out why.

Answer 2

hey it's a BEAUTIFUL poem (i write poems too, myself), The one improvement req. is probably u can make it shorter and cut out a few metaphors: from mountains turned .............. to blossoming flowers. they don't relate very well to the theme.

Answer 3

how can i answer this question,i hanged my self teen years back after reading a similar poem.

Answer 4

it depends on what you think i mean it is your poem and poetry is suppose to express one persons feelings and opinions. personally i like it but that's a matter of opinion.

Answer 5

ouch...I don't really like this poem...kinda dull.

Answer 6

it's nice...... very claming i guess...... make it a lil' shorter