Am i being paranoid? First off, I'm a 25 year old gay man. I've been living w/ my boyfriend now 1 year and dating for 2. He has a vacation coming up and due to lack of funds on my part i am not going. We've never even been outside the state together on any kind of vacation before. Instead of working something out so we both can still go... he books a trip with another gay man who is his 'friend' whom i've never met. I am very uneasy about this. I trust my guy completly but think it's very inconsiderate of him, just based on principle that he's wants to go away with another guy when if he wanted to we could both enjoy the time together; which would be nice since we never have had the opportunity before. I don't want him to go and he can't understand. Am i being too overly paranoid or controlling?
2007-03-23 01:59:25 · 18 answers · asked by joh3490 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
It's difficult to answer the question because you've stated two different things;
1) business trip
2) vacation
Anyway, if he booked with a friend to go on a business trip, that would appear odd, unless the friend is actually a colleague.
If he booked a vacation with a friend I think you're in trouble.
Not knowing you or him, it's all I can say on the subject.
2007-03-23 02:18:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 2⤋
First of all, I have to say something regarding some of the responses you have been given. Conservatives are such perverts. They can't see beyond the "sexual intentions" - for lack of a better term - of a gay man, even when they need advice. Very pathetic and immature.
Now to your question, dear. The first thing I suggest you do, if you haven't already, is talk openly and honestly to your partner about your feelings. If it's a business trip he can't miss, then he should arrange a place and time where all three of you can get together. If he cares for you, he'll do everything in his power to comfort you.
Though honestly, it seems very odd that he was partnered-up on a business with another man that just so happens to be gay. That raises a red flag.
Now, if this is a vacation he's taking without you, you're completely in the right to feel the way you do. I would be asking him questions left and right. My number one question to him would be, why is he going without you in the first place? That's so wrong on so many levels, especially if he's taking someone else with him.
In conclusion: no, you're not being paranoid. As a matter of fact, you seem rather calm - which is a great sign of character.
Good luck to you, sweetie. I hope everything works out for the best.
2007-03-23 07:35:17 · answer #2 · answered by Joa5 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not being paranoid, and you have every right to trust your feelings. The fact that this new friend is someone you haven't met sounds a bit strange, to think that he can just go with him when he knows that the two of you need to get away. But, if this is a business trip, does he really have a choice? Did his company arrange the trip for the two employees to represent the business?
Have you had reason to be suspicious before? Are things generally going OK with you two? People can be very good at covering their tracks, and if you honestly feel that your trust is being betrayed, then you should discuss this with him again. If he values you, then he will do what he can to be honest -- without making you appear as being neurotic or that your mind is working overtime.
But, people do as they please, do if the trip goes ahead, try to make the most of it. Don't get worked up and tense because he knows that you will be waiting for him when he returns. Just keep an open mind, but be prepared for anything. Let's hope that everything is OK and that when he returns, he continues to show you how much he cares for you. Good luck, and be at peace.
2007-03-23 02:39:52 · answer #3 · answered by SB 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your confusion. I'm alittle confused as why he wouldn't simply front you the money and let you pay him back, but that's between you two. Sorry to tell you this, but this whole situation smells, how can someone you live with suddenly come up with a "friend" that you have never heard of before, make plans to go on vacation with him, and not understand why this would set off all your alarms. Someone is playing games here. I'd say if everything is kosher, then your partner needs to have him over for dinner so you can meet him.
2007-03-23 03:25:41 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said it was a business trip. Does this guy work with him and also needs to go for professional reasons or is one just bringing the other along for company? If it's the latter I would be very uneasy with it also. If my husband was going away on a business trip and bringing a female with him for companionship there would be a problem. Personally this would make me very upset. I may schedule some kind of trip with a male "friend".
2007-03-23 02:36:07 · answer #5 · answered by DawnDavenport 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the key here is what you mean by trust - because although you say you trust him, I suspect that deep inside you are questioning what his intent really is. If you met the other guy that may help relieve any concerns you have but if your BF does not want you to meet him and does not care for how you feel, I would guess that your relationship is in trouble. I think you need to have a one on one with your BF and lay it on the table and see what kind of reaction you get. I also wondered if you have met his family - is it possible tht he is really just going to meet them and does not want them to know about you or something like that? Hope it all works out for you but I certainly think you have the right to ask the questions you are struggling with.
2007-03-23 02:10:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wait. Your original question said business trip, your details say vacation. That is two entirely different set of circumstances. A business trip is just that, regardless of where he is going or who else is going. A vacation is quite different. If I have time and money for a vacation and my other half can't go, I don't either, I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing that he isn't there.
2007-03-23 02:14:45 · answer #7 · answered by IndyT- For Da Ben Dan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to feel this way. Due to your not being able to afford a vacation he should have spent the time with you and maybe the two of you could have gone somewhere closer to home together just to be together.
2007-03-23 02:56:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This smells like week old fish. He is going with a friend whom you've never even met! I would be very, very upset at this.
You are not being paranoid and I don't think you're being controlling. However, I do think your boyfriend is being very inconsiderate.
2007-03-23 02:44:40 · answer #9 · answered by castle h 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No I would feel the same way you have to worry about him cheating on you if u never met his friend then thats weird has he mentioned this "friend" before or not well hope everything goes well with ur love life
2007-03-23 02:12:34 · answer #10 · answered by david15882002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋