Stay at home mommy or working mommy?

Question

Im 18, I want to have a baby, I truly belive I am ready, I have a wonderful, helpfull husband. We both know we are going to wait a couple of years, but I still want to know the facts and understand as much as possible, we both have good jobs and could afford a baby, but I think I would want to spend as much time in the early years with my baby as I can. What are your opinions about working or staying home, things of that nature?

Answer 1

There is no right or wrong answer to this question. As you enter motherhood, you will see many people have strong opinions about this. Stay at home moms say a working mom don't love their babies as much. Working moms say stay at home moms are lazy.

Both of these are wrong. Stay at home moms are hardworking. Working moms love their babies.

When I look at numerous studies, and in my own professional opinion, I feel neither decision is wrong. It depends on do you want to treat your baby like a baby or like a little person? What I mean by this is, a baby--you shower with love and provide maintaince (diapers, etc) A little person, you love, obviously provide maintaince but, think of where they'll be in 10 years.

Some people feel kids should just be kids. Who cares if you child is successful in 10 years? Let them enjoy themselves now and think about that later. Some people want their kids on a schedule. Closely monitor their development. There's a time for fun but, we'll sneak in somethings that challenge you.

Obviously, being a stay at home mom is tempting. What better pleasure for a mother but, to protect her baby. But, sometimes, we need to challenge infants and toddlers beyond what a full time stay at home mom can do. However, looking at a working mom, the question is..is it being taken to far?

I feel the answer is a complex one. My "ultimate enviorment" for a child's development(mental, physical, social, etc) is this:

A child must go to an "outside of the home" center for children for at least 12 hours a week. A day care center, etc. It can not be someone working out of their home, etc. It must be a structured enviroment with at least 7 children, scheduled activites that include physical, social interaction, and learning all with play.

In addition to this, the child must have both parents for at least one complete day to do family activities. (day at zoo, etc)

Play dates with friends at least twice a week for 2-3 hour settings.

Child must see mother or father 1-2 hours before bed and upon waking. This will give child a sense of security and feel of home.

If you meet the above criteria, you will be giving your baby every advantage. Isn't that what being a parent is all about? You can meet these by working outside the home or by being a Stay at home mom. If you do decide to be a stay at home, you might find a lot of time on your hands or some guilt about not working during the hours your baby is sleeping, etc.

Don't!

Frankly, who cares what you do as long as you're giving your baby everything you can right? And a 100% stay at home mom or working mom isn't going to meet their babies needs. If you can have the best of both worlds...why not? Truly, who wants to work anyway? I don't know anyone that just runs out the door because they love their job that much.

So, If you can...stay at home. But, don't fall into the trap many Stay at home moms do. You must get your child out there, and challenge them. I know our natural instinct is to protect them. But, with challenges comes benefits. Going to the park won't cut it...you need at least 12 hours a week of a center.

Answer 2

I am the mother of 4 beautiful girls...I also was a working mother....but i can tell you from experience that when i worked with the 2 oldest...they stayed sick ALL the time...because they were exposed to more germs at daycare...IF you decide to work...PLEASE get an Individual that you trust to keep your baby, not a daycare that has 50-100 kids. My 2 youngest i stayed home with until they were 3 years if age, and they are not as sick. You really need to do a pro/cons list...Financially what would be best...because if you are paying more for childcare, and when you do the math, you arent making but 3.00 and hour...its not worth it. Your baby does need you in the first years though more than people realize it.. 5 years passes soon, and the child will be in school. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

You're so young. Take a few years to be a young couple and travel, get to know each other, get to know YOURSELF. You'll miss your alone time once the little one comes!

I think it's good to be a stay at home Mom. I realize not many people can afford this, but if you can, it's probably best. You'll have a very strong bond with your baby being his primary caretaker. You won't have to worry about if a day care is properly caring for him or worry about the germs going around with the other kids, or picking up bad habits, words and actions from other kids. I know they have to face all that eventually in school, and that's fine, but in those first few years, the less outside influence, the better IMO. Also, you know your baby as a young baby will bond with you, and not some nursery caretaker.
If you can afford it, wait until the baby is in school to start working.

Answer 4

Well I have been both...I worked 50 hours a week when my first 2 babies were little then when our third was born I decided to stay home. Financially it was tough..had to give up my high priced SUV for a mini van!! But for us I think it was the best thing I ever did for our family. It actually made my husband and I closer because I had more time for everyone. My older kids seem happier now that mom actually picks them up from school and they get to come home instead of daycare. The best thing for me is seeing my youngest grow all the way up!! I never had that feeling like I was missing something like I did with my older 2.

Answer 5

I am much older. I had my oldest, a boy, at 18, he is now 18.

I am a huge advociate of Breast Feeding.

This is what I did:

I got married in 2001, my second marriage. My husband and I decided we wanted to have a child together. We tried, with failed attempts for a few years. In 2003 I got the job of my dreams, By November I was pregnant. I had the baby in Late July 2004. I decided to take a year off of work, My husband and I were able to make ends meet, I did take on a babysitting job, a little guy one day older than my daughter. I was still able to breast feed, I was there for the first roll over, first word, first crawl, first step, ect..... When baby was a year old we decided I needed to work again, for our financial needs. My dream job was filled, so I took a job I could tollerate. After a year my dream job opened back up again, in another location, closer to home. So I am now back in my dream job, I was able to take a year off to bond with and take care of my daughter.

I hope, for you and your babys sake, you can take the first year off too. That is a time that you can never get back, and honestly you don't want your baby bonding with the day care provider. (unless you and hubby can work different shifts, so baby is always with parents, then you could both work, and both bond with the baby)

my daughter is now 2 1/2. Very happy healthy little girl.

Answer 6

I have an 8 month old and have had to work full time since he was 6 weeks old-after maternity leave. Fortunately he doesn't have to go to daycare, he can stay with my mother in law which makes it easier. Anyways, it is so hard to have to leave your baby in the first few months of life...most important time for bonding, but you have to do what you have to do. If you can afford to stay at home, I would because you will never get that time back. If you can't afford to stay at home, like me you can't feel guilty because you have to be able to provide a good life for your baby. So, stay at home if you have the option, if not work and spoil when you get home. How long have you been married? Wait for at least a year before having kids. They are a lot of work, espceially with working too. But all worth it!

Answer 7

This is difficult to answer because in an ideal situation, it is way better for the baby to have a parent home raising the child, but that's not always possible and it can definitely work well to have a baby sitter during the day also. The thing is, it is vitally important for a woman and mother to be able to take care of herself and her child because so many things can happen. The divorce rate is so high, but that's not the only thing that can happen. Something can happen to your husband where he can't work anymore, or he could die (sorry not trying to be a doomsayer), and so many women get stuck in abusive situations with no way out. It doesn't make sense for a woman to put herself in a position where if something happens she is stuck having to care for a child, having no job skills, no job, no income and no where to live. My opinion is that for a couple of years you could stay home with the baby, but that you need to be sure to have something to fall back on, and eventually you have to start or continue on with a career.

Answer 8

I was 19 when I had my son...at that point I could not afford to stay home, but my mom came to my house to take care of my son during the day and it was nice to know that he was well cared for. Fast forward 3 1/2 years and now I have a 7 month old daughter and own an in-home daycare which allows me to stay home with my kids and still contibute a bit to the income. I don't make a lot but I make enough to keep us comfortable. I love being able to be with the kids all day, I can't imagine missing out on that again. I still feel that you have to do what you have to do, so if that means your child is in daycare, so be it, you just have to make up for it in the evenings and weekends. I'm just thankful that I have my husband's support and have been able to do what I do and it works out so well for us :-)

Mikem336...very well stated THANK YOU :-)

Answer 9

I'm a young mom as well:)
My husband and i sat down and looked at finaces before we really decided that i stay at home. Thats the first step. Add up all your bills plus the average of what you'll be spending for a baby figure $100 diapers, $15 for wipes, $150 for formula if your bottle feeding. Then see if it works. Another great alternative is to do a little daycare even if you get one kid to watch, you can bring in enough to even it out. Remember always that if you back to work you have to pay daycare which takes a good portion of your check. So figure out the numbers first then go with your emotions! I love being a stay at home mom and i admit some days i feel drained and tired and crabby but i know that me staying at home with my child is worth while for both of us!

Answer 10

It really depends on your financial situation. Do you have relatives nearby that would be willing to keep your baby for you if you go back to work? Can you afford daycare if not? Do you plan to return to work once the kids enter school?
I really believe that a woman should not depend on her husband to bring home the money. What happens if he dies or is killed in an accident? Then what would you do? I believe in both parents working for the simple reason that if something happens to my spouse, I want to be sure that I can provide for myself and my kids. Maybe these aren't issues for you, but I know many older women who stayed at home with their kids and then never went to work and now their spouse is gone and they can't make ends meet.
It's really a lot to think about. You can always get life insurance for both of you so that at least some of your expenses are paid should an accident happen.
Good luck. Enjoy your kids when you ahve them, but get out their and work too.

Answer 11

I think if you can afford it, its great to stay at home with your child(ren) in their younger years. I have 2 boys 9 and 11 and got to stay home with the first one but when the 2nd one was 1 yr old, got divorced and had to put them both in daycare. They hated it but did adjust well. I have remarried and have been working part time while the boys are in school. This way I can be with them for the rest of the afternoon and they love it! I am now pregnant again and just quit my job and plan on being a stay at home mom from here on. I think it benefits the children a lot, and its definitely a blessing for me to be able to spend all of my time with them! Good luck to you in the future :)