can't deal with it all?

Question

i'm 33 weeks pregnant, hating every minute of it, in constant pain, every1 i thought cared buggered off n don't wana kno, ex bf keeps messing me around (wants me bk, then he dnt...duno where i stand). and i really cannot cope. i tried talking to the samaritians, and they helped loads at first, then i got a email saying 'yes he won't change and yes you will be alone' so...not willing to talk to them agn. does anyone kno of any other help i can get? i can't carry on like this i just keep wanting 2 end it all now but kno i cnt cuz the baby. please help me

Answer 1

I was in a sticky situation when I was pregnant with my first. Anybody that ever hung around me or seemed like they cared completely ditched me after becoming pregnant. The only one I had was my mom. At age 20, it was hard to not have my friends around me, not to mention I unfortunately had paternity issues going on at the same time. My boyfriend at the time and a man I had a one night fling with were both possibly the father. I felt lost and alone. I felt rejection towards my unborn child, and I hated myself, and couldn't understand and still to this day can't understand why I ever put myself in that situation. But when it all came down to it I had to realize that I was going to be a mommy soon, and there was nothing I could do to change that fact. When my son was born and I first looked at him, every ounce of rejection and hatred went away. He was me, it didn't matter to me who his father was or that he might not be in the picture. He was mine, and nobody was going to take that away. Now five years later, I am married to the one night stand guy who is the father of my son. Since then we had another boy who is now three and I am 37 weeks pregnant with our third . Another BOY!!! Everything has a way of working itself out. Don't get down in the dumps. And never let a man get you that way. No offense but it seems to me like this guy is a loser. He is just jerking you around, and he is causing you to feel this way. He isn't worth it. But your baby is. You will never be alone. There are plenty of women in situations like this or that have been there. Please just take care of yourself and try to cheer up for your baby's sake. Try some counseling, I'm sure your obgyn can recommend someone. If you need to talk or anything you can e-mail or im me. Best wishes!!!

Answer 2

Hi there....
Without knowing too much about your situation I don't want to give advice but I will recommend that you check out the following website: http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/ It's a light-hearted, informative website with all the information you need regarding pregnancy. They even have a questions and answers forum which you may find useful. I've been in your position twice and I know how difficult life can be sometimes. Just keep thinking about that precious bundle growing inside of you and the world won't seem so cold. :-) Just do what is best for your baby and you'll be surprised at how much better your life will become. You've already made the first step by posting on this site so keep it up! Your baby is lucky to have you for a mum!

Answer 3

sorry to read your problems.
and the samiritans are probably right, in the short term you will be physically alone kind of though if you are pregnant you are technically not alone you have that little child growing inside you.
as for the ex, well it sounds like you are better off without him.
you should keep talking with them if you are feeling that low. just because they are being honest rather than telling you what you want to hear is no reason to stop talking it through with them.
you say you have no family or friends who are willing to talk to you about this or be with you through this. well if that is true, consider me a new friend to talk to if yo want an impartial eye to read and reply to your thoughts and feelings.

as for other help i'm sure there are other organisations besides the samaritans, but i can not think of any off the top of my head.
i wish you the best of luck. and i know i do not have all the facts, but i presume the samirtans do and if they say he won't change trust them. they get hundreds of calls everyday from people in a similer situation to yours they know what they are talking about 99% of the time.
i hope they are wrong and if you do give your ex another chance he does not abuse that chance by going back to his old ways.
as for the constant pain it may be normal, but still go get it checked by your doctor. he may be able to give you something or point you to a special technique that can help.
sorry i know i said he and some doctors are women. it was just an expression.

good luck. and if you feel like talking mail me and i'll get back to you as soon as i get your message. (details in my profile).

Answer 4

You are feeling very vulnerable at the moment. Your hormones are all over the place and things may feel worse than they are.

The Samaritans should not have sent that e-mail to you like that. You need to tell your BF that you don't want him until he can decide what he wants as it is unfair on you.

Speak to your midwife she can put you in touch with other mums to be in your area that are in a similar situation or give you information on support groups.

Try logging onto www.bounty.com this is a web based community specially designed for pregnancy and parenting. Not only do they have loads of useful advice but there is a forum where you can speak to other people who have experienced what you are going through.

You only have a few more weeks to go, then you will get a wonderful bundle of joy that will give you so much joy and unconditional love.

Keep your chin up and I really hope that things get better for you xxxx

If you need a friend please e-mail me xxxx

Answer 5

Do you have a counselor or clergy you can talk to (do not worry about being pregnant if you that stops you from talking to someone)? You really do need to seek some help. You can call the suicide hotline too and they can help you out also. I'm not sure if you are in constant pain due to the pregnancy or just everything going on. I had a friend that had a very hard pregnancy and she was in pain and sick the majority of it. She didn't want any more kids after going through that, but after she had her baby girl, she's now talking about having another one. Call the person that was your best friend and stress to him/her that you really need a friend right now and just ask them to listen. Please do something. You do not need to suffer. Good luck!

Answer 6

yes this stress is not going 2 help baby or U.
the BF needs 2 stay away until he's made up his mind.
u need 2 set him a task 2 prove 2 u that he'll b there 4 u & the baby or stay away 4ever.
u choose ur babys well being, over a man, please.

concentrate on urself & baby.
the Samaritans could b right, being on ur own with ur baby is better than being mucked about by a no-good father.
u just don't need it. u need calm, stability & self reliance 2 get thru this.
what support r u getting from midwives, GPs or the community?
go 2 ur Doc & ask 4 some help.

Answer 7

I am so sorry that you are having a rough time right now. I suggest you seek out counseling. Your insurance should cover it, and if not there are places that provide services on a sliding fee. Also, you need to tell your health care provider about your pain and stress. Do you have family around that you can rely on? What about friends? You can email me if you want to talk. As far your pregnancy goes, do you have a support person for when you go into labor? My hospital has a class for single moms, maybe you could see if your hospital has something similar. Best wishes.

Answer 8

Listen you are a good woman, that is obvious. You dont need us to tell you what to do. People, especially 'friends' come and go, especially when there are pregnant women in the picture. I dont know your exact situataion with your man, but I know that most men get scared when a woman gets pregnant, even when they have been with you for ages ! All i know is this, when my man reacted in the same way that your man is reacting, i had an abortion, I let my baby die. He of course has decided to stay with me even though it has always and will always be very up and down (whether or not I had given up the baby). The thing is I have taken a life, and that life is more important than he will ever be and yet I still have him and I dont have my baby. It was the biggest regret of my life. Be strong, this world can be crap but you and your baby will be strong and stand together and if he wants to stand by you fine and if not fine. Make sure you do what is right for you.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry to hear that you are in distress. Please try not to feel so upset. I know you are in pain and the physical pain is probably much more manageable than the emotional troubles you're feeling.

Do you have any family to rely on? I know in the past when I was in a bad way with depression my online friends provided a great comfort. One suggestion I have is to rely on God. You can go to him and pray at any time and he will never leave you.

I hope you get to feeling better and best of luck for a happy healthy baby!

Answer 10

You need to get your ex out of your life and don't let him be the one to make the decision, you tell him that you don't want him in your life !
You need to talk to your midwife or health carer and tell her that you are feeling depressed, it is not all happiness and with all those hormones raging around your body then it is likely to have feelings and emotions you have never had before, most women hold these emotons in and pretend that nothing is wrong but then suffer terribly with post natal depression, it does sound like you have pre natal depression.
Talk to somebody now and although the samaritans do a fantastic job they can not take the place of you midwife or your health carer . Good luck with everything and my thoughts are with you !