i need someone who has gone through this guy or girl to email me i need to talk to someone and i need you point of view
need help with how did you do it, what helped you know
we are working things out did anyone else work it out and how
please email me
2007-03-23 01:49:57 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can only make things work if she wants things to work out. But then you have to ask yourself the question if everything works out can you trust her again.
2007-03-23 01:53:02 · answer #1 · answered by My two cents 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most peoples predilection is that once they have taken up that behavior they will continue that behavior. It would take up too much space to give a full answer and there is not enough information given, but here goes.
Make the decission - Do you want this to work? You can ask youself this question anywhere along the road.
If you decide to take them back, you are forgiving their behavior.
You must state in some way that though you forgive them you do not condone their behavior.
Working together you will have to get to the bottom of the why they cheated (i.e. they lack the social ability to seperate their own carnal desires from the fact that they have made a comitment to you), this will usually take the help of a professional. I could type all day as to the why's.
As for coping with the aftermath (*shakes his head*) nothing will ever be the same, again not enough room to answer fully but in short...
After the bonds of trust are broken one never fully returns whole. much like scar tissue the reminder will always be there.
I am sorry this happened to you. When it happened to me I had my suspisions but I was not able to really know until I had severed ties with them. I was 100% right on every account. If it walks like a duck, sounds like a duck... it must be a duck. If your mate is doing something objectionable, it is your duty to your marriage to point this out and it is their duty to solve the problem... both of you working together.
I hate selfish people... that's really what it boils down to. If they will cheat on you they will also put their own intrests ahead of your children. Been there, had it done to me, burned the t-shirt.
2007-03-23 09:28:13 · answer #2 · answered by w0lfxvii 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One more thing!!! I am VERY CONCERNED. A writer- DINO suggested that she might be histrionic.
There are so many personality disorders that have very specific criteria analyzed by a professional using a DSM-IV or the latest edition that one SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER assess personality disorders. Sexual aversions take place in many disorder and psychosis, borderline personality disorder, dissociative personality disorder, etc. There are tons-how, when and under what circumstance they are premiscuous is so important! Do not use his word and feel like you discovered something.
I will go so far as to say that sometimes it isn't any fancy "disorder" they are on drugs and the sex and cheating is a biproduct. Having been indirectly in the mental health field the entire time I was growing up - I am smart enough to know - NEVER ASSESS without professional analysis. Some doctor's take months before they will label anyone. (Those are usually the best doctors.)
My sympathies.
2007-03-23 09:08:10 · answer #3 · answered by Shelle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say if you still love her do not give up . From what I know there is usually some reason why a person strays . I think that it will be a lot of work but if she really has this other guy out of the picture and you are both willing to work you will succeed . However you have to ask yourself can you forgive and forget , that is the biggest factor its not easy she will have to earn you trust again and that means accounting for her time away from you , I don't mean for you to be her prison warden but she should be more than willing to tell you her plans .
Don't give up if you still love her .
Good luck
2007-03-23 11:02:24 · answer #4 · answered by el diablo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is everything in a marriage without trust you have nothing plain & simple..When somebody in a marriage cheats they become untrustworthy.What you need to ask yourself is..Can you ever trust her again and if the answer is NO then you need to get out of the marriage now and stop wasting your time.Most people that try to stay together after one partner has cheated what happens is that all you are doing is putting a band-aid over a gashing wound and the wound never closes.Another thing to keep in mind is once a cheat always a cheat..If she did it once she will do it again..Good Luck and Best Wishes..
2007-03-23 10:01:39 · answer #5 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im gona be the odd one here and take a stand for your girlfriend. I cheated on my boyfriend in a moment of madness and i truly regret and am sorry for what i did. We are still trying to work out our problems and its not easy. She broke your trust and probably distroyed everything that you thought you had together. Is she sorry for her actions? Does she have remorse for what she did? Iknow that i do and that I have possibly ruined my relationship with my b/f. But I am trying so hard to work things out with him.Cant really give you any advice on how to make things work but i hope you get thorugh this and become a stronger couple. As for once a cheater always a cheater, That is not entirly true. I know that if my bf gave me another chance i would never do that to him again. I saw the pain and hurt on his face and never want to be the person that does that to him again.And if anyone has gives you ideas on how to make it work i would be interested to hear them too.
Good luck.
2007-03-23 10:09:06 · answer #6 · answered by Freckles2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you do work things out and as you know they wont be easy the trust will never be the same and things that you once held close wont seem that way anymore
and there will be alot of awkward moments things just change alot----------
this is how it was for me but i was not married to the person we were together for 8 years we lived together for 7 years so but i'm not the forgetting kind i could do the forgiving but i couldn't forget and you have to be willing to do both and never bring it up again and act like nothing ever happened
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that just one point of view
i hope you and your wife can work things out
good luck and wishing you the best
2007-03-23 09:02:18 · answer #7 · answered by country-girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I tried the e-mail thing and instant yesterday to help this girl and she didn't want help so I'm not playing that game. But if you wanna send me an instant cool_katt2007@hotmail.com/friendly_bicth2007@yahoo.com I'm more than happy to help if you want.
This other girl was all trippin and **** she didn't want advice if she would have let me talk to her and stopped playing games I would have helped her out but she was just confused or some ****.
Anyhow the choice is yours.
Chow.
2007-03-23 08:58:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that you are going through this and I want you to know that you are not alone but I have never to the best of my knowledge had this happen so I can't sympathise.
Just want to wish you and your wife well and I hope everthing works out.
2007-03-23 08:52:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married 12 years and she cheated on me 3 times!! I loved her,but after the 3rd time ,tears were not enough to bring me back....Dump the b***h and move on. I now have a beautiful woman who i can trust.Once the lie and cheat you cant trust em!
2007-03-23 08:56:36 · answer #10 · answered by troy s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋