I woke up about 20 minutes ago, with a screaming headache, my computer is dusty and says it's April 17th?

Question

Does it know something I don't? Did I miss tax day?

Answer 1

When you applied the Microsoft Daylight Savings Time Update for the new DST schedule, you were redirected to a phishing site that installed a defective keylogger onto your system. The keylogger does not work, but the trojan horse program, which is supposed to simulate the effects of the legitimate Microsoft update was written by the same incompetent boob as the keylogger. It is having odd effects on your system calendar.

Your cat, who was chasing rodents in the crawlspace chose the space next to your keyboard to shake the dust out of his fur.

Three days ago, you fed the very same cat a tin of tainted cat food, manufactured by a company in Canada. The organism from the cat food had no effect on the cat, but mutated in his digestive tract. The cat passed the now human communicable bug on to you the last time the two of you "shared tongue" (no comment.)

The bug has no lasting effects other then to give you a bad headache for awhile and to induce a mild case of temporal paranoia, prompting you to post a silly question on Yahoo! Answers.

Fortunately for you, you will not believe anything I'm telling you. You will panic and file your taxes in a mad rush, omitting $27,621 in income and overdeducting expenses by a factor of three. To your horror, you will be audited, but the IRS will discover that you have consistently overpaid your federal income tax an average of $9,260 a year for the past five years. After paying this year's missed taxes and penalties, you'll receive a refund of over $42,000.00

Unbeknownst to you, the virus that is currently making your head pound is once again mutating. The good news is that it no longer causes headaches. The bad news is that in eighteen weeks time, it will re-emerge from a dormant state and attack your system, once again. It's only effect will be to cause your facial capillaries to expand slightly, giving you a healthy, flush, just exercised, outdoorsy look. While suffering this fortunate condition, you will go to the bank to deposit your IRS refund check where you will be served by Rita, an unmarried bank teller. You will regale her with tales of your cat. Besides being a cat lover Rita is a nymphomaniac and latent, unrealized lesbian who sublimates her sexual desires into an overly rigerous daily exercise routine. She will be impressed by your healthy flush appearance, and obvious love for your pet feline.

You will marry and be very happy, until one day, when the trojan horse program in your computer transfers itself to the bank's mainframe while you send money over the Internet to secretly buy airline tickets to Mazatlan to meet up with Cindy, Rita's coworker at the bank, and best friend you've been seeing on the side. The badly programmed Trojan Horse will take your $42,000 and contribute it to NAMBLA.

Rita, while at work at the bank will catch wind of all the scandalous whispering going on about how her husband contributed $42,000 to an organization composed of pedophiles. Cindy, who monitors large wire transfers as part of her job will blurt out, "How could I date such a sick, twisted, disgusting perv! BLAAAHHGHGHGHG!!!!!" Rita will not be amused.

After word gets back to your employer that you are a pedophile, you will be instantly terminated with your retirement benefits cancelled. Rita will divorce you. You get to keep the house and the car, but she will get the infected computer. The ill-gained computer, a defective pair of shoe laces and a discarded wad of chewing gum under a theater seat will set off a whole other sequence of events I can't get into right now.

Rita and Cindy will discover a long repressed sexual attraction and love for one another and use your airline tickets to run away to Mazatlan. They will be abducted by a frustrated, unsuccessful trojan horse author, turned to kidnapping. You will not be able to pay his ransom demand of $42,000.00 and they will not be heard from, again, for a very long time.

You and the cat will live together happily for many years to come. You will find a better job with the ACLU very profitably defending the rights of NAMBLA members, amongst other interesting people.

Answer 2

First of all, It's only a migrain which can happen any time of the day even when you first wake up, second of all, your computer is dusty because you have more dust than usual and it's not April 17th. It's March 24th. You only need to change the date on your computer. There is nothing out of the ordinary or supernatural about this.

Answer 3

Drink a 5Th of Jose Cuervo, run backwards around the block three times, cover your computer in mayonnaise, then run it over with your lawnmower. That may not solve the whole problem here, but you'll definitely feel better. Best part is, the three ghosts of Tax Day brought you back in time to file your return this year.

Answer 4

See a doctor. It's march 23. it'll be the 24th tomarrow, and 25th the next day.

Answer 5

Ok, tell your kids that the sandbox is to stay outside and that they are not allowed to touch the computer...that should solve it.

Answer 6

Nothing of that sort. Just a dream or halucination. Try your best to forget it.

Answer 7

well just two days ago my computer was giving me the wrong time...but it's just technical nothing unnatural about that just go and fix the date...

Answer 8

You and your computer have a VIRUS! That'll happen when you cyber. Didn't protect your hard drive, did you? It will now forever be a floppy!

Answer 9

getting off to a rough start... things could only get better right. oh and yea its 2010 also

Answer 10

no silly. your computers probably said the 16 but you didn't notice.