my husband has gone right off sex. he always says his tired, do you think his getting it else where???

Question

we have only beeen married 6 months and before he was always up for it.

Answer 1

not necessarcarilly has he found a job that has changed his sleeping pattern for example has he got a new job working long hours that he's not used too yet, or there are certain illnessess like anemia or depression (not caused by you) that can make you tired you could get him to see a doctor, or is he having trouble sleeping in general. I don't think you have anything to worry about tell him to talk to you about the way he is feeling and why but don't push too much. Try and get him to see the doctor

Answer 2

It could be that he's over stressed & over tired, it could be that he's gone off of you [although I think that's highly un-likely] it could be that he's getting it somewhere else......

But have you thought of the possibility that he's upset about something.....I know we hear that it's the women that get upset & can't perform in the bedroom, but guys get that too.......
I don't mean to be horrible here Babe, but if it isn't a stress/work related or medical condition then the problem is coming from within the marriage somewhere & if that's the case it must be something pretty serious for him to lose his sex drive.....that doesn't mean that you've let yourself go as someone else suggested & it doesn't even mean that the problem is caused by you....

The only real way you're going to sort this out is by sitting down with him & talking it through, but be ready for what he says, after all you do want the reply don't you?

Often when guys are having an affair, the sex life at home doesn't stop, although in some cases it does......
You don't say whether it stopped gradually or abruptly.....
You don't say what kind of pressure he's under at work, whether you've both started your married life with an enormous wedding bill still being paid off, or whether he's trying to deal with other debts...........are you easy to talk to or does he feel as though he has to handle everything himself? Have you done something that he's not happy about? you'll be amazed how upset people can be when certain issues aren't settled in the right manner.

Hey! I'm not saying it's any of the above, we can only second guess this for you & you can only do the same, the only proper way of finding out is if he opens up & talks....Sorry Honey, can't be much help really, but good luck anyway
KB.

Answer 3

That sounds unusual. The usual is the first year of marriage you can't seem to get it enough. Did you two live together before? I ask that because it may be that the newness of having sex may have worn off just a bit.

Another question would be how old is he? 20's? 30's? Some men do start to lose interest somewhere around there mid-30's.

Have the doc check his testosterone levels. They may be low, and a little testosterone is all he needs to get back in the game.

There could be many more reasons than he's cheating, so don't go there first. I'm sure you two have already talked about this (well yeah, he said he was tired), but talk more. Decide together the best time for sex. At night obviously is out, but how about first thing in the morning? Men's testosterone levels are highest in the morning. Try that and make it fun again, not a chore.

Answer 4

There are so many reasons why this could be happening, and it's not helpful to be worrying about the one reason that makes it his fault, rather than a problem for both of you. Perhaps he IS tired - it happens.

(Frankly, most guys who *did* have an outside affair would not be affected by it in this way. In many cases this would enhance, not reduce, his keenness.)

Chances are he's as worried about this as you are - and probably more - and the last thing he needs is pressure from you to add to the problem. If he's not being communicative it may be that he's baffled and embarrassed.

It's not impossible that this is something organic, and should be looked into. Is he on any medication that may be reducing his libido? Antidepressants and anti-hypertensives can have this effect.

He probably needs to talk to someone about this, and unfortunately it probably shouldn't be you. This is not going to be easy to arrange unless you have a mutual close friend with some wisdom. The standard fall-back is the family doctor, but no doubt this will not be an attractive proposition for him.

Can you get hold of some Viagra? They would take the problem out of the mechanics of the thing, and it would be up to you to introduce them into the situation delicately. A 'look what *I've* got!' approach might be best. One good successful shag might break the log-jam.

It's a hard one, and I wish you luck.

CD

Answer 5

Ok think about a few things:

Was the wedding planning stressful?
Has he been doing more work/strenuous activities?
Is he being more emmotionally disconected?
Has he lost his job?

You haven't reallly said wether or not anything has changed in his home life so it's hard to answer.
I had the same problem with my boyfriend but it was me who went off sex. I genuinely was too tired and could barely keep my eyes open after 8pm let alone think about sex. A change in diet and a few nights of uninterupted sleep helped alot and everything is back to normal.

Give some more detail about how your husband has been acting and it will make it easier for people to give you advice.
As it is it sounds like it could be one or more of a number of things.

Answer 6

Ask him

In a marriage you must not have any doubts at all.

If you have any concerns you must immediately talk to him to resolve any issues between you.

Dont keep it quiet & dont let it fester this will do neither of you any good.

A true loving relationship must be built on 100% loyalty openess & trust.

Whatever you do dont let your marriage get into a rut & dont become couch potatoes.

Keep the spice in your lives & work at it

Some people get tired doing nothing so go out for a walk, go to a pub, play cards do something different & enjoy life together.

Best wishes & good luck

Answer 7

No I have been like that for years. Always tired. Noticed it in the 1980's and in 1997 told I had depression without knowing it. Still got it, on medication but any physical activity tires me out. I still manage sex though but admit to being too tired for it most of the time. Discuss this with your husband and suggest he sees his GP for help.

Answer 8

i'd say it's most likely stress. getting married changes everything and if your not expecting it to youll be thrown for a loop, especially if he lived with his parents before getting married. his job may be tiring him out. talk to him about it. maybe since he knows your not leaving he doesn't feel the pressure to perform like a well trained stud all the time. and he has fallen into a more comfortable rythem. just some thoughts on the issue.

Answer 9

sounds like my husband!! and it could be possible. mine has been acting strange lately and refuses me sex oh and he normally sleeps nude or in his undies but lately he has been sleeping in his jeans sweatshirt and socks and it is warm here in southern calif!! my friends eyebrows rose when she heard this. so keep an eye on his behavior...is it strange and not the usual or is it the same and he might just be tired or depress? mine is really defensive when i bring up the sex ssue and he says ok if u complain another day that u are not getting sex then i will make it another month for u to wait...see so just look for any weird signs...i have 1 foot out the door.....it is frustrating so i understand how u feel.

Answer 10

Has he been under an extra amount of stress at work lately? How is your relationship with him? He may not be feeling connected to you. Don't be discouraged. Try something new. Is he affectionate outside the bedroom? If so, he may be trying other angles for affection other than just sex. Don't automatically think he's cheating. If he senses your doubt, it will put extreme strain on your marriage.