I married a Chinese man who is so spoiled by his parents that he never helps with any housework or take care of our kids. I did not discover that after we got married. During our 8 years of marriage, he never washed a dish or changed a diaper. I am having a very tough job at work and when I return home, I have to take care of our kids and do all the housework. He is not working and is going to school. He said he is very busy with school and has no time or energy to help me. My mom said all Chinese man are like that, just take it. Is this normal for a Chinese man. Should I stay with him for the sake of our kids?
2007-03-23 00:21:19 · 31 answers · asked by miserable 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Real smart. Leave him. That way you'll have to do all the dishes, change all the diapers AND pay all the bills.
2007-03-23 00:26:12 · answer #1 · answered by Edub 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋
How would leaving him make your life easier? You still wouldn't have help around the house, or with the kids, and the kids wouldn't have their dad. This is something you can get through. Once he is finished with school, and has a job, you should stay home. In the mean time, use paper plates, get the kids to pitch in with the house work, and schedule some time away for yourself. Your husband can manage for a couple of hours with the kids. Unless you married an idiot, he can figure out diapers, or how to put together a simple meal.
2007-03-23 11:34:31 · answer #2 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This reminds me of a couple who lives a few doors down from me. They moved here from India, both of them, and as time went by the husband got lazy and said it was the "American" way for the wife to do the house work even if she had a job, and a kid on top of it. So after a while we'd hear them yell and such, one day while doing laundry in a public laundry room her and someone from my family got to talking about it, and to put it bluntly she told her to get her man in line before he got too used to it, now guess who does the laundry every week? (and I'm sure more)
My point is, don't let him be lazy even if you have to make him get back in line, if that doesn't work, then he should be willing and ready to lose you. No woman should have to put up with a lazy bum for a husband.
If he thinks he has no energy, on the weekend, have him switch places with you for only 2 days to see what it's like, I'm sure he'll look at all the work you do in a completely different way and appreciate you a lot more in the long run, if not, he's not worth your time.
For a wife, if she works AND has a child to watch after, the least the husband can do is help out around the house after work and when needed, cause god knows the child alone can be a full time job depending on its age.
2007-03-23 07:38:58 · answer #3 · answered by Himizu 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have two daughters of my own. My married daughter was and well still is till the papers are finalized. This man wasnt chinese hes white, but pretty much would leave everything to my daughter. He didnt want to change a diaper oh God no it made him gag. And when he did do one he left my granddaughter on the changing table and went and got something (she was able to roll over at that point) I freaked of course and basically covered for him. During their five year marriage it got worse. Then he has an addiction to computer games and would spend hours everynight on them. My advice to you..do you love him? If you have to think twice..well then I know what i suggest. If you still love him you have to tell him I need help. If you cannot help me I am going to feel more and more drained and more and more unhappy. Tell him this is not good for any marriage. If you are not happy with your husband you should never never ever stay for the kids. The kids will know if you arent happy trust me. Better to live with truth. So give him a time frame to improve and if he doesnt....
2007-03-23 07:29:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
DO NOT NAG or it will NEVER happen....talk nice and say you'd love it if he helped out around the house and with the children. Make a chart or the things you'd like for him to do and when. If this doesn't work I'd go to therapy or you church for help. Go alone at first then see that he goes. They can help you. If he won't go and or change you either have to live with it or tell him if he doesn't help with the house and children he has to leave and your marriage is over. IF he really loves you and the children, if he is Chinese or not he will do what you ask. He is an adult and can make choices...he choses not to..he is selfish and immature...there is NO excuse...and if you divorce make sure you ask all the questions you need to before marrying him so you do not make another mistake...know him as well as you can first. Good luck....
2007-03-23 07:28:09 · answer #5 · answered by angeleyez1956@verizon.net 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Breaking up relationships is something I could never recommend. A leaky roof is no reason to move house, it means repairs, and possibly constant repairs.
The fact you married this man means there is something about him you love. When you were dating, do you remember what attracted you to him? This may rekindle your love for him, which must have waned otherwise you would not have asked the question you did.
Communication is the biggest key to improving a relationship. It does sound like you have tried this. But it obviously did not make its point. Cultural differences are a factor, but even they can be overcome. Assuming you have been objective in your interpretation of the situation, on the basis of love, appeal to him to save you from burning out. Otherwise recommend getting a housekeeper part-time. See what impact spending some money for this would have on him? Some Chinese folk I've met don't like spending money. Might make him realise how important this is to you.
2007-03-23 07:56:26 · answer #6 · answered by Ant 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your reasons for even asking if you should divorce should be of concern!
I don't believe you should stereo type this man and his race for this. There are a lot of american men who do he same things. Women complain about it daily.
My wife is in school and is very bogged down with school work. She is a clean freak as we the family always say. I work 7 days a week 12.5 hours a day. When I am home I do try to help but, it wasn't until my wife expressed her feelings about not getting much help. Sense then, when I come home from work and there is dishes in the sink, I will start washing them and cleaning the kitchen. I think I like the response she gives me from doing this more than anything. I have the kids clean their rooms and pick up after themselves. This way, my wife can relax and do her school work. With this being said, I want you to know this didn't happen overnight! It took some stern talking to but in a loving way. My wife was gentle with her concerns in wanting my support. You probably should really talk to him and let him know, you aren't his mother and certanly not his maid service. Just try to figure a way to break it to him in a loving way. It worked for my wife! I actually enjoy doing it knowing I am participating in family matters. Now she wants me to cook. Lol she is asking for trouble! Good luck and try not to throw divorce around so freely! There already are so many families doing this that marriage isn't anything close to what it's supossed to be.
Good luck and God bless
2007-03-23 07:39:19 · answer #7 · answered by safetyusa 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Chinese men are no different from any other men. They lay down and make babies and are as responsible for their children as you are. Furthermore, Chinese men don't like to live in filth anymore than you do, which means your husband needs to get up off his Chinese butt and help you around the house. If he won't do this, hire a maid or leave his sorry behind. Sorry to be so blunt, but both him and your mom are full of crap!
2007-03-23 09:36:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It has nothing to do with the fact that he is chinese it is a matter that he is lazy.You should never stay in a marriage because you have children that is one of the worst mistakes that parents make.You need to sit down and talk to your husband and tell him that if he does not want to share responsibilities of taking care of a house and children then you want a divorce.Since you are doing everything by yourself anyway.You can make it as a single mom.Don't stay with your husband if he is not willing to share responsibilities.Good Luck to you.
2007-03-23 08:02:48 · answer #9 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
don't do drastic things . just because he doesn't help around the house n yes of course its difficult for us women but you should explain to him that you are not happy that you cant do everything on your own because its getting hard it will really help n if he still sits on his fatt **** tell him strait ether help or don't expect me to do anything for you! make him wash, iron his own clothes then he will realize that's what my mother did and i tell you what my father helped SO much more . and maybe you should think about asking your parents in law to be a little more help full by telling they're son to stop being a lazy Tw*t . n just because its a little hard ATM doesn't mean you need a devours. hope i could have helped xxxxx
2007-03-23 07:35:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made a commitment. Staying with him is what you made. He's lazy...all men are like that. You gotta talk to him about it and then figure something out. The chinese guy probably doesn't take you very seriously. If he's chinese maybe his culture is to not do 'women's work' so it could be only his culture.:D just try and work it out---Good luck
2007-03-23 07:31:06 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋