Married for 2 years.Pregnant of 7 months. My husband is a loser. I don't know what to do, still love him, but I'm fed up with his behaviour. From the day we met, I worked and he watched TV. He forced me to get a loan and credit card for £15K, and spent it. Promised to pay the instalments, never did. Now my credit is ruined as I couldn't afford the payments. He had a 3 month's job at a sandwich store, he used all his money on himself and I ended up paying for rent and bills. As soon as I got pregnant, I had bad nausea and couldn't work. We had to move to my brother's house who is also married, now living here for 7 months and my brother pays for us. He has recently found a job with minimum wage 2 weeks ago. The 2 weeks wages again was spent on him. I have had many argues and asked him to bring me money and I'll save that to get a house, no result. He also has the habbit of avoiding me sexually and I have caught him watching porn regularly and he denies it. I'm so depressed and worried.
2007-03-22 23:40:07 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has no education and I have Master's . I can't look into my sister in law's eyes anymore and everybody in my family and his family now shows pity on me. When I talk to him, he says I'm doing my best, but I don't think so. When we got married, I knew he was depressed and I was so energetic. I tried to help him, but now I think both of us are depressed. I don't know if I leave him my situation will be better. My brother and father say if you leave him, we will help you financially to find a job as they know I am very career-minded. But as I'm pregnant I don't know if it's fair on the baby to be raised without the father. And also I don't trust myself emotionally that I stand up for the divorce..He is now thinking about becoming a club bouncer. Maybe it's the only job he can do as he is overweight, tall and dump. But still not sure if he could ever save money to pay for me and the child. What do you think I shall do?
2007-03-22 23:40:35 · update #1
You are in a very similar situation as me, except my husband does have a decent paying job. All the extra money he spends, he drinks, smokes, and acts very selfishly. Don't beat yourself up. Those peope saying "that's how he was when you met him"...they must not know or understand. My husband was kind of like that when I met him, but who in their right mind would assume a person doesn't change...ever??? That mentality pisses me off. I've changed dramatically because I had to, I'm an adult now (no longer 5 yrs old). I have two children, bills to pay, responsibilities. Don't get yourself down thinking its you. I have been caught in that trap a 100 times, and I'll tell you what....noone gains anything. I don't have a solid answer for you, because I'm still dealing with this too. In fact, I'm going to a financial course tonight (which he agreed to go to), but he's backed out. They definitly have issues. I can't speak for your husband, but mine was not well provided for as a child and I know that part of it is "making up" for his losses. He's also selfish and only maturity and wisdom can "cure" that. I pray alot. I've seen changes. I guess my advice to you is to focus on yourself and your baby. Set a time limit in your mind of how long you can try to make this work. Work hard at fixing you marriage and at last resort, very last resort, throw in the towel. I'm sure he's probably a nice guy when you ignore the stuff you've pointed out. Focus on the good parts of him. Pray like crazy, it does work. Good luck to you. You'll be in my prayers.
2007-03-23 00:25:26 · answer #1 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is a bummer. This seems like one of those cases where women marry men hoping they can change them, or save them. You thought that didn't you? Yeah, a bum never changes. I think you should take your father and brother's advice. Lose this guy, he's whats making you depressed. It sounds like your family will help you with anything you need (they obviously love you, this guy has just found a cushy place to lounge and leech), including holding you up so you can stand for the divorce.
Learn from this and don't marry another like him. You can't save a man after you marry him. You can try before, but if he's not reformed before the "I do's" - DON'T MARRY HIM. I don't think you can expect any support out of this guy, but I would certainly sue for them in the divorce (alimony, child support).
2007-03-23 08:52:59 · answer #2 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some marriages are worth saving and some are not. If your husband does not show some improvement then you'll have no choice but to leave him. Your child will not be happy being the child of 2 depressed parents. You have to make this decision for you and your baby.
2007-03-23 08:53:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know a lady who had the same problem with her husband watching porn with men on it. Turns out he was gay, and has gotten worse, he left her with 4 boys. You need to look after yourself, if your brother and father will help you let them. You need to get away for good from this loser. He is only bringing you down and if you get too depressed you won't be able to look after the baby. It will only get worse, go with your family and you will have much a happier and brighter future without him and his family.
2007-03-23 07:14:57 · answer #4 · answered by chez006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why you did not think before your made this bond with him. Now sit with him. Discuss in open mind and everything. Give him time to be homely and Cary to family. He is going to be a father. So lot of responsibilities are coming. Have to share with you. Major share he have to take. The final is...he he change then you can continue. Otherwise no need to live in a hell if you have option.
2007-03-23 07:53:00 · answer #5 · answered by dibesic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, so you picked him and he was this way when you met him. What did you think you were going to do change him by having a baby? I don't understand, you picked him he has steadily gotten worse. Perhaps it is time to get out now before you have anymore children. And be more careful in your choices of men in the future. If they are not working and area lazy, chances are they will only get worse not better. You do not get into a relationship to make them who you want them to be. You choose a man with the qualities and characteristics that are in line with yours. Good luck and God bless****
2007-03-23 07:13:30 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i know its scary going it alone when pregnant, but maybe you should tell you want a break, and say if he wants you and te baby then he needs to prove it by getting a job and keeping it and saving some money, maybe the shock of losing you both might jolt him into action. as for him avoiding sex that might be he scared of hurting baby, my hubby didn't like sex when i was pregnant because he didn't like the idea of hurting the baby. your lucky to have such a great family.
2007-03-23 07:16:52 · answer #7 · answered by RACHEL B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you stick with the decisions you made - you chose this man, you knew what he was like before you married him, and you still chose to have a child with him. Do your best, work hard and raise your child in a family.
2007-03-23 08:39:09 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very bad choice in not only choosing a mate, but a father for your future kid. You don't sound like you used a whole lot of common sense in this pick.
2007-03-23 09:51:57 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to tell you, but you already know the anwser. He will not change. Your baby will not benefit from him. He will stress the baby as much as he stresses you. It is also not good to be under this much stress when you are pregnant, he obviously doesn't care about that. Cut your loses and get on with your life for your babies sake.
2007-03-23 07:13:55 · answer #10 · answered by ladydaisy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋