I've met my current girlfriend 4 months ago, and she started to talk about marriage since month 1. I've always told her that i see a future in us but i have made it a principle of mine not to propose to anyone before dating that person for one year. She is very upset by this and lately she's been putting me against a wall, telling me she wants to either propose or break up. Is this a normal reaction to my behavior? Am I being unreasonable in my set time? We are both reasonably young (22 and 23) she's taking her masters degree, I'll be taking mine next year.
We are both foreigners in the country we are in right now, and we plan to move elsewhere several times before taking root somewhere, so why the rush? Should i just stand my ground?
2007-03-22 23:15:25 · 12 answers · asked by claud_en_ciel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've already made it very clead that this is not an excuse, i just have my principles and that i do want to marry her. I would just rather do it in the apropriate time frame, and after we do all our moving around. I've already told her i do want her to be my wife.
2007-03-22 23:26:01 · update #1
Deborah C, you are right about me being a bit too rigid, but i still don't feel 4 months is enough time to do this, and also not appropriate when we are in the middle of all this other plans, when we have all the time in the world. I am a very loving boyfriend and i show it on every ocasion i can. Shouldn't my love be more important that some paper saying we're married?
2007-03-22 23:29:39 · update #2
To nanny: That mistake i already made. she was living in a very low conditions appartment (she's a student after all) so I offered her to stay with me, to help her excape the "poor student" lifestyle.
I guess i messed up big time.
2007-03-23 01:58:13 · update #3
stand your ground If you are the one for her she'll stay.
2007-03-22 23:19:34 · answer #1 · answered by MJ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what makes you not want to get married? Is it because you don't think you can have kid's. Have you been tested to see if you can have them. i think the guy must really love you. And if you can't have a baby physically there are other ways like adoption etc so a family is possible... Marriage isn't for everyone but I think you should look into why you don't want it. obviously its not because you're afraid of commitment because you've been with the same person for 8 years. maybe you've had a bad experience or know someone whose had.
2016-03-29 00:46:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do whatever you feel is the right thing to do.Don't ever cave in to pressure and do something you know might be the wrong thing to do.Or you'll live to regret it for the rest of your life.If she is acting like this now (and you aren't even married to her yet) how will she act if you two ever really do get hitched?You've only known her for 4 months she could be an Axe murderer for all you know,how would you know?4 months is just the beginning of getting to know someone.You'd practically be marrying a stranger.If I were you I would be wondering why she's in such a hurry to get married.And why is she treating you like this when you barely know each other?I don't even think 1 year is enough time in most cases to know someone well enough to decide to spend the rest of your life with them.And no her reaction to your decision to wait is not normal.My advice to you is to proceed with caution.
2007-03-22 23:29:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no! I don't think you're being unreasonable in wanting to wait. Four months is not a long time to be dating, and there shouldn't be any rush to commit, especially given your age, academic commitments and future plans.
However, having a set timeframe before proposing is a bit mechanistic when discussing romance and love. There are no right or wrong periods of time for this stuff - it just feels right or it doesn't. Don't be so rigid and maybe she'll back off a bit, maybe you're making her feel she has no control or 'say' in the relationship.
2007-03-22 23:23:07 · answer #4 · answered by Deborah C 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Stick with what you believe - it is totally important to be with someone at least a year or 18 mo. to see how things are going, for the two of you to get to know each other's family and friends, etc. If she's being pushy, that should be a big red flag for you. Especially since the two of you are so young. Don't live with her - that will make things even worse.
2007-03-23 01:41:17 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen if u realy love her from all your heart so try 2 make engagement with a simple ring and talk 2 her about the suitable time of marriage 4 u both and try 2 convince her in a romantic way and im sure that all these pressures on u cause she wants 2 feel that u will b forever with her and she loves u so ( b sharp in your critical decisions ) the marriage decision is a very big step so take your time and good luck
2007-03-23 00:00:46 · answer #6 · answered by catroza 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
4 months and marriage pressure? Sorry, thats a disaster waiting to happen. You should never get married until your heart and mind are into it. And if their not your just going to have to tell her your not ready. And she needs to understand that.
And becareful, if shes threatening to break up with no marriage proposal the next step could be pregnancy to make sure she gets one...
2007-03-22 23:22:37 · answer #7 · answered by Zenthae 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground. 4 months is not long enough to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. She should not be pressuring you and let her know that if she does not stop then she can walk away because you are not ready.
2007-03-22 23:28:01 · answer #8 · answered by kelsey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes you should wait.....
people commit to college to become a doctor then get married yet, know nothing about marriage...
But, don't use that as an excuse to drag it out for so long that you lose her. True, don't hurry but, sooner or later you will have to decide
2007-03-22 23:21:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground and tell her to knock it off, you're not going to be pressured into doing anything you're not ready for. If she cannot accept that, break it off with her.
2007-03-23 00:23:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no good reason to jump into marriage.
There are a lot of reasons to go slow.
This is one of them.
2007-03-23 00:35:29 · answer #11 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋