My wife gained far too much weight and I am no longer attracted to her. I love her and she is great, but no feelings for someone who refused to control her weight. I have no one outside the marriage, although I could, I believe in forsaking all others when your married. Can't help my feelings of attraction, and feeling lonley.
2007-03-22 22:56:14 · 12 answers · asked by rick p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hey dude you have been married for 21 yrs. Bail out and get yourself a nice young, firm, tender 21 yr old. You put in your time. It's time for you to do you. Good luck.
2007-03-22 23:08:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 5⤋
Yes you can, you can stop putting yourself in the position of being "attracted." You say you're committed to your marriage it's a damn shame you're not committed to your wife. Being over weight is an illness. She isn't refusing to control her weight she needs help. If she were dying of cancer you would not be saying that she refuses to control her cellular regeneration. Get a grip on your smugness and help the woman that you swore to love in sickness and in health. So far you have said nothing that shows that you know the meaning of the words love and affection and I am certain that she feels that loss. Also, did you ever think that by with holding sex you're driving her to the refrigerator to seek comfort elsewhere? You've really messed up your marriage and hurt a lady that you would have the world believe that you're faithful to but faithful is not just not screwing around. It's being their for her actively involved in her life and the things that matter to her. You have tragically missed the whole point of marriage. So while you sit there on your smug I am doing all that I can kiester remember this. By not being a man to your wife you've already cheated on her as surely as if you had been with someone else. You have also done as good as tell her that she is unworthy of your love and affection. Personally I think you're pond scum.
2007-03-23 06:10:05 · answer #2 · answered by QueenBean 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I agree with the others. If you love her, help her! Why is she overeating? Why is she not watching her weight? Maybe you can help her deal with emotional problems that might be contributing. Go to counselling.
The worst thing you could do is do nothing and seek a solution for your loneliness outside the marriage.
You do have a chance to help make this relationship work, and you've already invested a big portion of your life, why not try and fix it? What if you could get the sparkle back? What if your wife could feel loved and appreciated (and desired) again? Find a counsellor that you can work with, and get to work.
2007-03-23 06:10:41 · answer #3 · answered by Deborah C 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sex is not just about physical attraction to someone's appearance. You say you love her and you have been married for 21 years, which is a long time. When you have sex with your wife, think of how much you do love her and put that into your head as you are doing things with her sexually. This will become part of the passion and will help you feel more attracted to her that way. Does that make sense? If you keep on thinking of only the changes in her physical appearance, then your marriage may eventually fade as well. Think about this.... if your appearance changes with age or for whatever reason, wouldn't you still want your wife to love you and want you by remaining affectionate with you and meaning it?
2007-03-23 07:14:06 · answer #4 · answered by ReginaL33 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I feel really sorry for you. Because I know you're in a bad situation. If the fire works are not there then why are you there? I'm not saying you should leave someone just because they have gained weight. But if you're not happy you will only end up hurting her in the end.
2007-03-23 06:16:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope your wife will understand but if you don't talk to her how could she? Sit her down , get the old pics out, before she gain weight, when you guys were dating. Tell her you love her, let her know you concerning aabout her weight will harm her health and keep her back from lots of things. make sure you're willing to cheer her up by take her to the gym , go for a romantic walk every afternoon, it's a good chance to talk to her, isn't it? I bet when she dropped off some lbs, she'll have the urge of beauty force herself to do it. I'm standing on her shoes but unfortunately for me, my husband just ignoring me. Good luck
2007-03-23 06:09:31 · answer #6 · answered by Lilly 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I knew a rather large nurse who told me once.."when I turn out the lights I'm Marilyn Monroe". I always thought "what a cool attitude".Your right the problem is all yours. I find it hard to believe that you "love" her so much while enflicting such emotional abuse upon her. So YOU feel lonely. Did you ever think how your wife (that you love so much) feels about your treatment of her? I sincerely doubt it. Since when was marriage all about you? You must be going though your last "I'm such a stud" phase. Buy a sportscar yet? Suck up your stomach when an attractive woman walks by? Your wife must be a saint to put with such nonsense from you.
2007-03-23 06:08:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 4⤋
if you really really love your wife , as you say, you would have sex with her, i agree with you about the no cheating, but you need to stop and take a good look at what is really turning you off for sex, some how i dont think its her weight unless she is 500 lbs?
good luck
2007-03-23 06:01:19 · answer #8 · answered by bluelitttt 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her that you would like to start working out and tha you'd be honored if she would be your partner. If you already work out just be honest and tell her that you're concerned for her health and you think she should join you. You're not attracted to the way she is now but you're still attracted to her.
2007-03-23 06:02:35 · answer #9 · answered by Iron What? 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
if you feel that way. Do something about it. Go walking with her, go to the gym with her. Tell her in a nice way and work together on the problem. It would not hurt you to work out and watch what you eat either.
2007-03-23 05:59:48 · answer #10 · answered by hascht2 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Beauty is on the inside. Your attraction should grow from the love you have for her.
And if your really having a problem with it, try to focus on points of her which still drive you crazy.
Beautiful eyes? Soft skin? Big Breasts? I dont know, no one is truely unattractive inside and out, and every peice of their body.
2007-03-23 06:06:17 · answer #11 · answered by Zenthae 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋