Can my marriage be saved without therapy?

Question

Do I deserve another chance?
Me and my husband have been happily married for 8 years.We had 2 kids, one 4 the other 6.Three month ago my younger son Jordon passed away from cancer and it just about killed me.I wasn't dealing at all and left town a month after the funeral to stay with an ex-boyfriend/good friend to get myself together,leaving my husband and 6 yr old on their own.I stayed away for 3 months because I just couldn't deal with being at home where everything reminded me of my son.I came home last week and although my son was overjoyed to see me,my husband has barely said a word to me since I left.He begged me to come home whenever I called but I was never ready until now and now it seems it's too late and he can't forgive me for leaving.I don't believe in getting professional help.What do I do?

We were very happy before my son died.We had the world at our feet and when my son died I just couldn't cope,it was killing me.I didn't go to the ex for comfort,I went because he lived so far away,away from all the memories.I don't trust therapists because I've been in therapy before for an eating disorder and he abused his position when treating me.

Answer 1

My heart breaks for your loss...the both of you need to sit and talk. You need to see things from his eyes as he needs to see things from your eyes. The both of you need an understanding. Didn't you realise that when he lost your son that perhaps he needed you there for him. He's feeling abandoned because the one person that was suppose to be with him to cope with him, abandoned him because of her own grief. Please look at the problem from both sides. The therapists is just the middle man, you don't need him, all you both need are listening ears and respect. Don't yell it out, just talk it out. Good Luck!
A.L.

Answer 2

You can get that divorce because you do not believe in
"professional help".
Lady, you story is full of good reasons to get some therapy.
Not couples counseling but individual therapy for you.
I cannot begin to fathom the loss of a son. But your story rings so hollow. Grief hits a lot of us in different ways but to blame running away from home into the house of an ex boyfriend is despicable. Your child dies so you go shack up with an EX? That may be perhaps the most screwed up reason for cheating I've ever heard. That explanation might work on the people who do not understand that your husband did not react that way and after all it was his son too.

There are not words to properly describe how disgusted I am with this tale. I am fully aware that you lost a son but you abandoned the boy's father AND brother to your own lack of propriety.
You should really rethink your aversion to therapy because you NEED SOME. If you think that there is some logic in your belief , all you need do is compare that thinking to the method you chose to not deal with your life.
Lady, get some therapy and do it now.

Answer 3

In this case no i do not think there is any saving to this marriage unless therapy and marriage counseling are sought. I am sorry that a previous therapist did this to you BUT not all therapists and counselors do this. You need to try again and i suggest this time going to a Christian therapist or counselor for the therapy and help that you and your family need. Also call a local pastor of a local church and ask for help in this matter and for prayer for you and your family as well. Sit down and talk with your husband and ask him to go to marriage and family counseling with you as well. Do you love your husband at all? If so you have to understand where he is coming from here... You abandoned him in his time of need when he needed you the most. This is probably why he is so hurt and upset by all of this... Put yourself in his shoes hon. How would you have felt if he was the one who left you and your child during this time? Would you be hurt and upset that he had left you? Would it be so easy for you to forgive him and get past this if it was you that this had happened to? If you truley love your husband and other child you will do what needs to be done no matter what and work on this marriage and family ASAP and you wont think twice about it!

Answer 4

I'm very sorry for your loss. It is impossible for someone who hasn't lost a child to know what you are going through, but I have heard it is very common for couples to split up after the death of a child. You might be able to save your marriage without therapy. There are groups of parents who meet (online or in person) to support each other after the loss of a child. Maybe a group like that could help you. I would imagine being able to talk with other parents who have had a similar experience to yours would be helpful. Don't give up on your marriage. Your little boy needs his mom and dad more than ever. Good luck.

Answer 5

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. Please understand that this is a delicate situation and I am not going to critisize your actions. I am merely going to write what I beleive to be true.

Everyone deserves a second chance. Even though what you did is wrong, everyones mourning period is different. And even though no-one can critisize what you did, you have to understand that you left your husband to deal with his pain alone when he needed you most and struggling with a 6 year old who was probably asking constantly for his mummy. We tend to forget that when we marry, we become "one", and this is very true. At the end of the day, your husband had to deal with the death of his son, AND the parting of his best friend to her ex-boyfriend, his soul mate, and even more important his shoulder to cry on.....his other half.

Because you are one, this is a situation you have to solve together. You cannot do anything if he does not want to. Sit down and talk about your feelings (Men find it hard to do this so please be patient). Talk about your son and how you feel and how you should deal with it TOGETHER. Try and make your husband understand why you left, but reassure him that you love him and that you will not do this again. Most importantly, apologise to your husband, for leaving him with all the burden. Remember that he would have given anything to get away from the memories too.

I do believe that therapy is the answer if you go together, even to family sessions with your kid. I am sure he is hurting in his own little way too. Not all therapists are the same. You will find a good therapist who wants to help you and your family. If you don't want a therapist, why don't you try a priest or a pastor in your community. Believe me they will help even if you are not religious. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your child, he needs you both.



I wish you the best of luck. God Bless

Answer 6

Give it some time. Your husband is also shocked. You're not the only person who suffers. Your husband has exactly the same feelings. But men generally deal with it inside.

You shouldn't have left. Wrong decision. You put more pressure on your husband in the critical time. You might have slightly recovered. But he had 2 drama: losing a child, and worring about where and who the wife sleeps now with. The jealousy is also there for him for your ex. Because he thinks that in the time of pressure, his shoulder were not the place for your sorrow. But his.

So give it some time, and appologize to him. And even if you have slept with your ex, reassure your husband that you didn't.

Answer 7

What a sad story, you are a brave person. I would leave therapy as a last resort. But one thing I would advise is for you to give it some time. Your family have gone through alot, your husband will come round once he realises what he has got left. You need to be supportive of him and your other child. Give it time. Patience works, only when you're truely patient.

Answer 8

Sorry for such a sad incident. But still you have a family. And they did no wrong. So you punished them. Hiding is no solution. Now please discuss with your husband. Seek forgiveness from him. Hope everything will be alright.

Answer 9

you think your ex can help with your problems (and yahoo answers), but not a professional, who has dedicated years of study to help others?

Answer 10

you and your family need to talk to someone. Get some help. Even though you dont trust help. You need it.