We have been married for almost 19 years. Have 2 wonderful daughters, ages 13 & 16. She says she does not love me like a wife should love a husband. And that she has stayed all these years because it was safe. But when we make love, its real, it has its passion "most" of the time, and we both are WELL satisfied....multi times per for her. She's even told me that "IF" we ever got a divorce, that she would still have to see me in that way. She's having to take PAXIL for panic attacks, and she is getting to her mid life crisis age. I am so lost. I still love her with all my heart.
2007-03-22 22:42:43 · 11 answers · asked by smiley3fan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The best way you can cope with something like that is trying to accept it and move on as soon as possible. And should you take her back? That's all up to you, if you feel deep in your soul that it's something that can be worked out then I wish you the best. But if you feel something telling you that it's over, then let it be. The more time you waste in a pointless situation the more your going to regret it later. It's just up to you to decide if it's pointless or not. Take care!
2007-03-22 22:48:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
She sounds lost. You know her best. If you really believe that somewhere inside her there is still love for you, then fight for her. She needs to talk to a therapist to help sort her feelings out. The other man is a loser. What kind of man gets involved with a married woman! Don't bother confronting the other man, its not worth it! You both need to be very very strong if you are going to try to work this out. Be patient, calm, and talk alot. Don't ask for details about the affair, trust me from experience, you don't want to know! Show her what a true man is made of! As far as the trust issue, its going to be a long hard road back to trusting her. It can be done though. You need to set some rules that will help build trust. She will need to tell you where she is going and what she is doing. Our marraige survived an affair, with tons of hard work on both parts. I believe our marriage is stronger today than it ever was in the past. I hope this helps you some and I hope that your marriage will survive and you can move on out of this terrible time in your life.
2007-03-23 03:37:34 · answer #2 · answered by TPO 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry to hear you situation but let me be straight up. Yes 19 years is a long time but dont be foolish you need to be strong for your kids and strong for yourself. Basically leave her ***. She made a vow and she broke it plain and simple you will NEVER trust her again you will always wonder if she is lying or cheating you will always feel jealous and will never be able to let it go. As for her she will never deserve to be trusted and what kind of model is she being for those children any way. If at all posible leave the kids out of it. They are old enough to figure it out. The sex may be good but she still went somewhere else so you need to boot her *** out and find yourself someone who really deserves that passion. I am totally against divorce unless one thing happens, Audultry it can never be forgiven it is the one thing that can tear a life appart if you let it what kind of person would do tht if they truley loved you. It is your decision but just remeber your relationshio will never be the way it once was no matter what because you will never honestly be able to forgive and get that image out of your mind. Good luck and stay strong.
2007-03-22 23:00:02 · answer #3 · answered by Hollee H 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am sooo sorry! But you can not make someone love you and once someone cheats...they are a cheater
maybe counceling, maybe a seperation will help her 'turn around"
try taking her on a date and turn your romance on- try to rembember her life when you first met
both of you write out good and bad qualities of each other and trade-try and work on your bad qualities while improving the good
there is hope...you just both have to put forth some effort
good luck
2007-03-22 22:51:48 · answer #4 · answered by bulldog lover 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't give up on her! She's going through changes that she doesn't understand and can't explain. Imagine being confused, disoriented, and depressed all at the same time. Chances are that she does love you, it's just that she isn't understanding "how" she feels right now. Her hormones are all out of wack! Stand by her and support her, let her know that you understand that she's going through some rough times right now but you will always be here for her. I don't condone "cheating", but everyone makes mistakes they regret later. When she gets through this period of her life she'll look back on it and feel ashamed of how she behaved. All you can do right now is just love her.
2007-03-23 01:17:20 · answer #5 · answered by Lynn 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She wants her cake and to eat it also. Don't accept her back. You will always love her no doubt and you will feel that your world is ending and that your heart is broken, you'll never stop thinking about the love you shared and as hard as it sounds you have to move on. Do it for your girls they need someone stable in there lives. DON'T TAKE SECOND BEST YOUR WORTH MORE THAN THAT...
2007-03-22 23:02:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What does your two daughters have to do with this? Your love for your wife is seems like a part of a packaged deal. You should have set your wife apart from everything else. Sounds like you didn't. So she lost her desire for you.
2007-03-22 22:48:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have some serious thinking to do. I don't think that this has to be the end of your marriage. I think your wife was/is looking for what she thought she's missed out on.
If you truly love her, like you say you do, you will try to fulfill her emotional needs. Her cheating isn't a matter of sex. She's missing an emotional connection to you.
Try to go to counseling together and work on rebuilding the emotional connection.
Things like, holding her hand, just hugging her, thanking her for mundane things that she does everyday.
It sounds to me that she feels like she isn't "needed" anymore.
2007-03-22 23:02:18 · answer #8 · answered by rustybones 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
hello,
well i am sorry for her crule intentions....but if i were you i would let her go....she does not want you and says there is no love then she needs to be set free......also don't have sex with her it just causes your feelings to stay and she don't care one way or the other...you will find some one new and she will just be your childrens mother....so i hope you have the best of luck...cheaters always cheat no matter what and why risk a desease comming in to you for her being selfish????there are too many that are deadly and its just not worth the hurt that its going to cause you.....
2007-03-22 22:51:25 · answer #9 · answered by wendy p 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nineteen years is a long time. It is definitely worth investing in a marriage counselor.
2007-03-22 22:52:12 · answer #10 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋