I had a severe case of preeclampsia and had to have an emergency c-section 6 weeks ago. I am still sore and have no desire for sex I gave it a try and it hurt really hurt bad but my husband just doesnt get it and wont leave me alone about it. I know the man has needs but I am really not ready IT HURTS what do I need to say to make him get it. Plus I really dont want to get pregnant again.
2007-03-22 22:36:58 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have your doctor talk to him. Or I think there are other things you can do to make him happy in the meantime until you heal. But don't ask me what that is, because I forgot.
Your Husband needs to stop thinking about his needs, he isn't the one who has to go through all your pain, not to mention having a child. I bet he doesn't even help you take care of the baby!
I don't blame you for not wanting to get pregnant again. I went through what you are going through many years ago and still remember. I am no longer married to that man. There was just no saying anything to him that would make him stop thinking only of HIS needs. You have my sympathy I hope you find a way to deal with him.
2007-03-22 22:57:18 · answer #1 · answered by CAT LADY LOO 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you had your post partum appointment yet?
Take him to the doctor with you. All doctors tell you to wait until 6 weeks to have sex, and most will tell you "and THEN and only THEN if she wants it"
You most likely have no sexual desire because your busy all day with the baby and I dont want to assume anything, but if you are breastfeeding. While I was breastfeeding I hardly wanted to be touched, because I felt like I was being tugged at all day.
I would tell him, if he wants it he needs to help out more, so you can be relaxed and get into it. Tell him you want time to take a bath and relax while he puts the baby to bed. And if he helped around the house more you could have more time being concerned about his needs.
Other then that for the pain of the sex, use lube... lots and lots and lots of lube, and go slow it gets better. But no matter how long you wait it always hurts a little when you get back into the game.
But the number ONE thing is, if you dont want it. Then dont do it. And you need to tell him your concerns, calmly but getting the point across.
2007-03-22 22:46:34 · answer #2 · answered by Zenthae 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Let me just say that if anything here sounds like I'm blaming you, or being hard on you, sorry. But you're here asking for advice. I can't give your husband advice, because he's not asking - you are.
I've been in your husband's shoes, except its now been 6 months with my wife. With our first child, nothing for longer till I completely blew up at her. I've had mild blow ups this time, but she doesn't care ... anyway ...
As another poster said, try to stick to one story. Throwing up 6 reasons why you don't want sex does not help.
You mentioned 3 things. If it still hurts bad, don't have vaginal sex yet. Period. Tell your husband physically you're not ready, and stick to oral/handjobs. That should cover pregnancy issues.
Another poster said that you're probably tired, need more help, etc. I don't doubt any of that. But please, do NOT tell your husband that you can't have sex till he helps out more unless you mean it. If you're _not_ prepared to have some kind of sexual activity with him if he cleans the house, don't suggest that you will. You can still ask him for more help, of course, but don't link it to sex unless you're gonna follow through.
So ... my suggestions to summarize:
- by all means ask your husband for help, but don't link it to sex unless you're going to follow through.
- your husband's hormones have _not_ changed. Do your best to make time for him for oral/manual stimulation.
- don't have intercourse until you're more healed up.
- don't have intercourse until you've got set up with birth control again.
2007-03-23 03:31:43 · answer #3 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Is it the pain from the c-section, the desire, or not wanting to get pregnant? Stick to one excuse. 6 weeks is a long time that you should not be in that much pain.
Expect for your husband to have a mistress soon.
2007-03-22 22:43:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
You've both got to remember that caesareans are MAJOR SURGERY. You've had your gut cut open and put back together. I know exactly what it feels like - for me, it felt like all my inside bits were trying to fall out for a long time. You're not supposed to lift anything or drive for at least 6 weeks, and he wants SEX?!
That said, if you feel up to it, why not just be with him while he self-satisfies? or oral? I know it's not fun when you're feeling like you are, but at least you're supporting his needs!
If he's still bugging you, then talk to your doctor and maybe he/she will tell him to back off.
2007-03-22 23:17:49 · answer #5 · answered by Deborah C 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Explain the pain to him in detail - compare it to something he may be familiar with so that he will sympothize with you a little more - men dont understand what women go through when it comes to that stuff... if you have to have your dr explain to him what is wrong
2007-03-22 22:42:35 · answer #6 · answered by absolut_nixter 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ask him how interested in sex he would be if he had his stomach split open, and a watermelon came out of it. It takes time to heal. If he doesn't understand, ask if if he wants you to show him what it feels like!!
2007-03-22 22:49:08 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Try to talking with him , it works!Advice can be given but end of the day it is something special for you and him.
2007-03-22 23:48:01 · answer #8 · answered by cool_honeybabe 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
get hands wet and warm...
get out the lotion and a baseball bat or something similar...
ask "which do you want til I'm ready?"
this may just solve the problem..
if not,
be ready to actually use the ballbat
what a selfish, ignorant, uncaring, insensitive, jerk
2007-03-22 22:43:39 · answer #9 · answered by Gary G 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
there are other ways to have sex and protection to prevent pregnancy. if you can't have sex then try just pleasing him for right now.
2007-03-22 23:19:20 · answer #10 · answered by kelsey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋