Do I deserve another chance?

Question

Me and my husband have been happily married for 8 years.We had 2 kids, one 4 the other 6.Three month ago my younger son Jordon passed away from cancer and it just about killed me.I wasn't dealing at all and left town a month after the funeral to stay with an ex-boyfriend/good friend to get myself together,leaving my husband and 6 yr old on their own.I stayed away for 3 months because I just couldn't deal with being at home where everything reminded me of my son.I came home last week and although my son was overjoyed to see me,my husband has barely said a word to me since I left.He begged me to come home whenever I called but I was never ready until now and now it seems it's too late and he can't forgive me for leaving.I don't believe in getting professional help.What do I do?

Answer 1

You may not believe in getting professional help but if you truly want to stay with him and have things better wouldn't you do anything to accomplish that. I think you may have to get professional help in your situation. That is my honest advice. Good luck though and I hope everything turns out great!

Answer 2

How selfish of you to leave your husband & child behind just because you couldn't cope. Imagine how your husband felt. He lost a child too & then his wife ups & leaves & expects him to cope with the death as well as he has to look after the 6 year old. No wonder he is bitter. He needed you for support too. Why go to your ex? Couldn't you have stayed with a female friend or a family member? Talk about rubbing salt into the wound. If you truly care about your husband you will do anything including getting professional help, but you can't blame your husband for being angry with you. It would take me a while to forgive you. Your husband may forgive you but he might never forget. Does that mean that every time something upsets you that you will run off instead of dealing with it? I hope your husband does forgive you but yiu can't blame him if he doesn't. Good luck.

Answer 3

Everyone deserves a second chance.....BUT
If you think that by heading off to an ex boyfriend, and not believing in proffessional help is a solution to a problem, you are sadly misguided.
I understand that people have their own ways of dealing with grief, however when those ways add to or create more grief, it is really counter productive.
While you were escaping the realities of a family in crisis, your husband was drowning unsupported by the one who he most needed..YOU.
There is now a pollution of grief that will have far reaching consequences for your entire family.
Your husband has been forced to suppress himself through his greatest needs, and this will prove to be unhealthy for him.
Q; Do you love this man ?????
If yes, then I suggest you pull your finger out and seek some outside help in repairing the damage of abandonment.
Teach your son the power of seeking resolution instead of the runaway method when the chips are down.
Personally I doubt you would ever be able to convince me that I could rely upon you to support me in sickness and health if I was your husband, but if his love for you is strong ...Perhaps.
It is your duty to do what you can to reassure this man that he is worth something. please be gentle

Answer 4

You're either going to need the professional help of a counselor or an attorney the choice is yours. How bad do you want to save your family.

It is not all about you, your child the one you walked out on who was in grief over his lost sibling needs some therapy about why his Mom would desert him in his time of need. Perhaps he is feeling you loved the dead sibling more than him.

Your husband lost a child too but had to stay and deal with the real situation they both have the right to be upset and angry with you and you have a right to do grief.

You need to see their side now that the initial phase is over. Try doing something for someone other than you.

If it sounds like I am being tough.... don't assume that I have not been through it but that having been through it... I have some concrete experience. Suggest you get over the phony pride about getting help from a professional and talk to a grief counselor with your whole family.

They need you do you love them enough to unbend?

Answer 5

Hello Violet,

WHy do you not believe in getting professional help or therapy for how you are feeling if i may ask? If you want this marriage to work or for your husband to forgive or want to be with you again you will need some kind of therapy or help. Have you been to a doctor for your feelings at all? are you a Mormon if i may ask? What kind of religion are you since you do not believe in help? To get past the pain of your son you will need some kind of help or therapy or more then likely you will stay messed up for a very long time. Also if you do not get the help you so desperatley need You may ultimatley loose your husband and marriage over this so is it really worth it? In the process of you being hurt over the child you lost you abandoned your husband and other child when they needed you the most... This is more then likely why your husband is so very hurt and will not talk to you so much. Have you asked them to forgive you for what you have done and have you apologized at all? I am sure your husband and other child are going through alot of pain from Jordon's death as well and they need you now more then ever... I also suggest family counseling for all of this as well. Here comes lots of hugs for you today and i hope you seek and get the help you so desperatley need. My heart goes out to all of you. I can feel your pain. Yes yo udeserve a second chance BUT you need to do what you need to do for both you and your family to try to give it another shot if at all possible.

http://www.drphil.com

Answer 6

I can't say that i know how you feel - because i don't!
I truly wish that no mother would have to lose their child-I'm so sorry for your loss.

Can i suggest that as your husband is hurting not only for the lose of your child but for you leaving him at a time of need- that you both go to counselling.

You said you don't believe in it - but it might also show your husband that you really do care for him and that your really wanting to make the relationship work.

It will more than likely help your husband understand why you went away for the time that you did.

I wish you happiness for your future :)

Answer 7

Your husband must feel very hurt. It was his son too and you needed each other during that time but instead you turned your back on your family to stay with ex-boyfriend for 3 months! What's wrong with you? I think you need professional help. You need to be a good wife and also a good mother to your 6 year old son. Family comes first no matter how hard things get.

Answer 8

Losing a child is hard but evene harder when you have to deal it and take care of a child by your self. I would seek help if you want to make your marriage work again.

Answer 9

I hate you