indiscriminate bullying of my niece?

Question

My niece is bullied by people she doesnt know at school. She is continually tripped up in corridors, kicked, punched, has her food taken away from her and has verbal abuse directed at her. She feels that people dont want to befriend her as she is overweight and wears glasses. Image for her peers is vital to the point that people dont want to associate with her. The teachers blame her for her lack of friends which I feel is passing the buck. The cctv cameras I have commented upon and although some are present not enough exist. Also a staff member mentioned shadows obscuring the camera views of certain areas. She hates school and is frequently ill, as her immune system is depleted because of stress. She does after school keep fit classes, so I feel her mother is tackling the exercise issue. Despite all that trauma she wants to do well, and always does her homework. She doesnt want to be absent from school as she is ambitious and wants a good job in the future. What can be done?

Answer 1

If this was my child I would want to see the cctv and then I would at least know which children were abbusing my child. I would have also sat on the governers meeting and addressed the situation full on at the same time been to see the head and year head and form tutor to discuss the policies on such behavior. When I had seen the cctv I would go to each and every house and ask to see the parents and child together and explain what their behaviour is doing to my child. I would repeat would do this - it is my child and no way would I just sit back as you yourself are not doing - well done. I wish your niece further strength to deal with this situation and hope that you get it resolved, by taking steps sooner rather than later All the luck in the world to your niece and jolly well done for the strength she is showing.

Answer 2

I'm assuming your niece is at secondary school - what has happened to the friends from primary school who most likey moved schools with her? Have they turned against her too?
It sounds like the school will not accept responsibility. And the fact that they have CCTV on school grounds already suggests that there is either a big security problem or a well known bullying problem within the school. (why else would the camera's be there??)
There is the option of moving schools, which will give your niece a chance to start afresh and make new friends.
But if she wishes to stay at the school she's at, and the teachers, head and governers do nothing, then there is also the option of going to the local press and highlighting the issue.
I hope things turn out well for your niece.

Answer 3

I feel if she is that distressed maybe she should be moved to another school
A clean break would be good for her
Also a written complaint to the head would work wonders as Heads are by law required to deal with every childs health and safety issue, and if you can get a written note from her Gp saying that her immunity has been depleted as a result of stress she has experienced as a result of bullying at school and include a copy to the head he has to do something about it

Answer 4

First off, the school need to be made to take responsibility - threaten them with going to the papers or local news if they don't do something.

Secondly - and a know loads of people are going to disagree with me here, but what the hell - she needs to get some more confidence and stand up for herself. I know that is far easier said than done, but in my experience (and that of friends) the only way to deal with bullies is to take them on. I know this may sound wrong and lots of people say turn the other cheek and they will get bored, but believe me, there is nothing a bully likes less than being made a fool of in front of their 'gang'. Physical violence is rarely the answer, but sometimes it is all people know.

Even if you think this is the wrong route, she should stop the workout class and join a self-defence/martial arts one instead. She will get the physical exercise that is good for her and she will develop a hell of a lot of confidence which even on its own, without confrontation, could make a huge difference to how people see her.

Good luck

Answer 5

The school must take responsibility and sort this out. A meeting with the head teacher is needed and it must be made clear that results are expected. Your niece also needs to keep a diary detailing every incident so that the school cannot use lack of evidence as an excuse.

Answer 6

Her parents should make an urgent appointment to see the head teacher and demand that something is done about this immediately. Bullying is a serious issue and all schools are obliged to take it seriously. Saying it is her own fault is not just passing the buck, it's condoning the bullying which is totally unacceptable. Presumably your neice is willing to say who is doing this do her, as this will be necessary.

If the head is unwilling to do anything about this, then go to the education authority and your MP for help. This needs to be dealt with.

Answer 7

How old is she? If she's a teen, maybe you can explain to her and make her undersatnd that although it's painful to be dealing with a lot of rejection at her age, these things do make people resilient and mature, eventually. You can help build her confidence by equipping her with counter-rejection skills that are neither combative nor violent/brutal. To counter rejection doesn't mean to strike back. Sometimes, it's just saying to oneself that you can understand your oppressors better than they could understand you. It takes a lot of loving and a lot of hurting to do this, but it's worth it. A stormy sea is a good opportunity to train good sailors. Calm seas do not necessarily bring out the strength of character in everyone....God has a purpose for every difficulty, after all. You can't change the people around you, but you can change your response to these people. If we sulk, feel inferior, feel daunted to be better, then they succeeded. But if we live anyway, and glorify God anyway,then we'd become victors..

Answer 8

What was your sister thinking when she allowed your niece to get fat in the first place? That is the real problem, not that kids are doing what they always do--the little monsters--which is pick on someone who is different. Although the level of abuse that your niece is being subjected to is absolutely dreadful and has to stop immediately. Kids who are this mean grow up to be mean/dysfunctional adults. There is something deeply wrong and downright cruel with a kid who would attack another kid who is weaker for whatever reason. I don't know what the school will do, but it's your sister's responsibility to get your niece out of that situation now before too much damage is done to her self-esteem.

In the meantime, now that your sister didn't do her job right (and still isn't, if this kind of bullying is going on),and now your niece is fat can't you change schools? What about homeschooling until she loses weight? This kind of constant abuse is very unhealthy for her.
How old is your niece?
If she is a teen, have her read Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher, a social worker who wrote about this very problem of image and teen girls.
Your niece does have to get her diet in order, now. If she isn't losing weight, then the exercise classes aren't enough.
You know, the teachers can't help it if your niece is ostracized due to her weight. I gotta tell you, from my observations when my daughter was a super introvert back in middle school, there is always something wrong with the kid who doesn't fit in and is therefore the target for abuse/bullying. We had sleepovers and invited the other kids who were not popular. I found out firsthand just why those kids were not popular. Kids are smart, they choose friends based on how friendly/kind/attractive the other kid is. Just like adults do. What adult is necessarily going to want to befriend an obese adult? This is something that can be fixed, you know. It's just fat accumulating mostly due to laziness, not a real disability.

Getting back to the bullying part, I myself was bullied as a kid. It was because I allowed other kids to push me around due to all the moving I did as a child (new school every year). So I was very shy and bratty kids will take advantage of that. So what was wrong with me was that I was so shy. And yeah, I was punched once at school by some jerk who lived on my street.

I don't care who thinks this is not a compassionate response. It is a real one. The reality is that kids pick on others--unfortunately. My own kid gets ostracized because she is so quiet, but it makes sense. Why will other kids approach a quiet one when it's less work to socialize with another kid who talks back?
In the meantime, my heart goes out to your niece. I have been bullied too, and it is awful. I'm disgusted with your sister for allowing her to get fat. Babies aren't born fat. Stupid parenting allows kids to get fat. And this was a perfectly preventable problem. Glad to know your sister is finally doing her part, and now she should get her child's diet corrected.
I just read the other responses. I like the one about the karate class. I think the exercise class to lose weight should continue, but add in the karate class, because every kid should be able to defend him/herself if he/she is physically attacked.

Answer 9

My grandson had this problem at his school..
bullying...intimidation.. assault..and that's just by the teaching staff.
My grandson dont go to that school any more...he has been banned from there.
The teachers made a point of putting him in situations where he was most likely to kick off, knowing that he has ASD.
They wanted him out..and out he went.

Answer 10

What is the schools "anti bullying plan " ? They have to have one.
You dont say how old the child is.
See below websites for help
See a doctor about the stress
I know its difficut but keep her a positive as possible
Tell her she is the better person

http://finance.groups.yahoo.com/group/bullyonline/
http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/