She thinks she's ugly, fat etc and doesn't understand why anyone would like her or want to be with her.
She's more or less a recluse and doesn't come out of the house much, although she has seemed to get a little better the last few days.
She's upset that she can't have sex either (because she freaks out that she's ugly and doesn't enjoy it) and thinks that she'll be this way forever.
The thing is she's not ugly at all, in fact she's quite pretty. She isn't doing it for attention either she genuinely has self issues.
I don't know what I can do to help her anymore, I've told her she doesn't need surgery and she's fine how she is but it goes through one ear and out the other.
I'm sure she wants to change, she's said she does but I'm not sure I know how to help her.
What can I do/say to help her confidence, it's wearing me out trying to help her when it doesn't seem to be working.
2007-03-22 21:42:59 · 17 answers · asked by Rainbow-Taster 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
me you - seriously if you haven't got anything relevant to say, please refrain from answering my questions.
Also, if it were me don't you think that I'd have a pretty good idea what was wrong and thereofre would have been able to help myself without the need for asking other people's opinions?
You really didn't think your answer through did you?
2007-03-22 21:53:41 · update #1
My friend is 20 if that makes any difference.
2007-03-22 21:55:45 · update #2
She's not fat.
She's 5''9 and weighs 8stone 12lbs
I'm not sure what size clothes she is, maybe an 8-10 so she's not fat at all.
2007-03-23 01:34:29 · update #3
It is great to hear that she has such a caring friend as you. You are there to listen and support her through these difficult times. It does seem that she needs to receive counselling to help her through her depression and low self-esteem. It may help to ease the pressure on you if she could contact Samaritans to talk things through with them. She may not believe you when you say that she is pretty because she may think that you could be telling white lies to try and make her feel better - hearing it from a stranger may make the difference. Stick with your support, but make sure that you have somebody to talk to about how you are feeling in order to take the pressure from you.
2007-03-22 22:00:51 · answer #1 · answered by Beanbag 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ya, whats weird is fat people don't eat anything. Make her eat healthy or teach her that there is such thing as healthy food which is more tasty and one can gorge on it but its more spendy, yes. Try to make her spend time without glasses on. People probably don't understand or relate to her attitude that these types always seem to get since they have faced a lot of life with vision shorter than twenty feet. That could be why she feels different. I have a hard time beleiving it when a girl complains that they can't have sex. You can tell a guy to do about anything and he'll love following through as long as you find the breed of guy that loves taking womens advice, too. Thats the majority of guys as far as I can see and they are not called upon too much I would guess. Positive reinforcement is the only way to build confidence. Confidence is allowed when someone has done something, however small and kept it together and not flipped out. Take some notes from what I have written and try to straighten her out.
2007-03-23 04:59:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just continue to be a friend to her, to be there when she needs someone to talk to or someone just to listen to her... and then, when the opportunity arise, put in a few good words of encouragement and praise. Just be careful not to overdo it (the praises, I mean) or it will come out as insincere. What I am sure she don't want is sympathy, so make sure you treat her as normal as possible. If at all possible, get her to join you in activities that involves being around people. The more people she mixes with, the more relax she will feel and her confidence will grow.
2007-03-23 05:12:16 · answer #3 · answered by Seng Kim T 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may need professional help. Sounds like her body image and self image is so far gone that nothing you will say will change how she views herself. Tell her you think she is a wonderful friend and you love her but its hurting you to see her go thru this. Ask her what she sees when she looks in the mirror, more than just the physical appearance. We are our spirit, can she see past the exterior? Good Luck !
2007-03-23 04:50:32 · answer #4 · answered by FemFatale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi.. allow me to tell you how great friend you are.. i wish i have a friend like you...
i think i can help you with this
if she's fat so you can help her to make a diet and go to gym.. you can go with her to encourage her and keep her company
and a bout being ugly, i think that every girl has her own beauty so try to help her to pick the right style in clothes, right colors, also help her with make up and hair cuts... these things make girls feel better
when you find her feel bad or depressed, just take her out and talk to her.. just don't leave her alone
what I'm telling you here is my personal experience.. i was like your friend and sometimes i get worse than her but she's luck to have some one like you to care about her
Good luck
2007-03-23 04:59:39 · answer #5 · answered by Princess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's a lot you can do to make her feel better & good about herself. like.. give her every single day a good compliment.. about her appearance & stuff! surely, she would want to hear words of affirmation.
you can also plan something for her.. tell her everything you just love about her! she'll feel so loved when she hears this from you.. after all, she IS your friend!
you can do a lot of things.. i'm just giving you some examples.. don't let her undergo surgery, ok?! encourage her. comfort her. good luck! =)
2007-03-23 06:24:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take up running with her. Exercise naturally makes you happier, this way she will loose weight and tone up.
Give her a make over with the full works and go out with her more often.
Also, try to stop her from eating junk food, it is known to make people feel low.
2007-03-23 05:51:51 · answer #7 · answered by LauraMarie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to feel the same way as your friend. I must say that your friend needs to start liking her self-image, it needs to be within herself. No matter what people say, it's all about what she thinks. Just try n offer positive advise .
2007-03-23 04:48:52 · answer #8 · answered by Sugarbabz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is your friend 'cuz it sounds like she is just going through her version of growth (teen) and you are banging your head against the wall for her! Tell her to stop focusing on herself after awhile-you know-STOP ALL READY_GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK! Lets go on to other things now, kind of talk.
2007-03-23 04:52:54 · answer #9 · answered by sobergranny9702 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okk...welll remember even as u helpin a fren never forget to help urself and make sure u r gud too...welll if ur fren thinks she's fat start talking to her and cmpliment her all the time...make sure that other people dont insult her...as she thinks she is ugly just remember to tal to her and make her understand that every1 is beautifull...ur fren mite think she is ugly but make her know that others think she is pretty and beautiful....bye
2007-03-23 04:52:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋